Captain Obvious

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[[Image:Captainobvious.jpg|thumb|Above, a picture of Captain Obvious.]]
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{{Simple Disambig|John Madden}}
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{| class="toccolours" style="float:right; margin:0 0 0.9em 1em; width:20em;"
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|-
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|colspan=2 style="text-align:center;" | ''Captain Obvious''
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|-
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|colspan=2 style="text-align:center;" | [[Image:CaptainobviousChooseOption.jpg|200px]]
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|-
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|'''Date of birth''' || Unknown
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|-
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|'''Marital Status''' || Divorced
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|-
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|'''Home''' || [[Earth]]. Obviously.
  +
|-
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|'''Occupation''' || Superhero
  +
|-
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|'''Powers''' || Unknown
  +
|-
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|'''Weakness''' || Thai food
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|-
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|'''Also Known As''' || John Madden
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|}
   
:''You may be looking for [[John Madden]] and not even know it!.''
+
{{Q|This is an article about me, Captain Obvious.|Captain Obvious|this obvious article}}
  +
{{Q|Thank you, Captain Obvious.|The general public|Captain's statements}}
   
{{Q|This is an article about me, Captain Obvious.|Captain Obvious|}}
+
'''Captain Obvious''' is a [[superhero]] — one of the people who fight bad guys, [[supervillain]]s, and assorted [[evil-doers]]. The prefix "Captain", however, is purely symbolic. Although the "Obvious" part of Captain Obvious's name is certainly true, Captain Obvious does not hold the rank of Captain in the Army, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard, Marines, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration Commissioned Corps, the United States Public Health Service Commissioned Corps, the Salvation Army or any Police or Fire Department. Nor is he licensed to fly commercial or cargo aircraft or pilot fishing boats or cargo vessels, meaning that in a situation where he would have to pilot one of these vehicles and is asked by a duly authorized official to prove that he had the legal right to do so, he would not be able to.
   
{{Q|That last quote was an example of something obvious.|Captain Obvious|The Previous Quote}}
+
Captain Obvious's symbol is a large "O". This is the circular image on his chest, identical to the letter used elsewhere; however, its use in such instances does not necessarily pertain to Captain Obvious. The "O" stands for "[[Obvious]]", rather than "[[Oklahoma]]", "[[Oregon]]", "[[Osama bin Laden]]", "[[Orange]]", "Ombudsman", "[[Obama]]" or any of the other six words that begin with an "O". He sometimes carries a large shield with him, though this is primarily to stop his own team mates from beating the living daylights out of him. His main rival is the dastardly [[Professor Subtle]], against whom he battles in many comic book and television episodes, but Professor Subtle never fails to reappear in subsequent episodes. This could be because Captain Obvious has failed to apprehend or destroy [[Professor Subtle]] in any way, or because, as Captain Obvious has pointed out on several occasions, "It's all retcon's fault!".
   
{{Q|So was that one...|Captain Obvious|the Third Quote Down}}
+
==History==
  +
[[Image:CaptobviousChooseOption.gif|thumb|left|Note that this is not one of Captain Obvious's statements. He readily addresses that fact that he is rarely "to the rescue".|left]]
  +
He first rose through the ranks of the [[Professor Xavier%E2%80%99s School for Gifted Youngsters]] to join the [[X-Men]]. His actual superpowers are known by very few. Some speculate that it has something to do with levitation, super intelligence, or raising the dead. Whatever it was, most people forget that he has any superpowers, and eventually the name 'Captain Obvious' caught on.
  +
[[Image:CaptObviousTitanic.jpg|thumb|right|Captain Obvious on the [[Titanic]].]]
  +
He was first brought into the X-Men for his intelligence and vocalness, which quickly drove the group mad. He managed to demonstrate a moderate degree of usefulness when he was able to annoy and distract an evil-doer (a time-traveling evil mutant clone of the Silver Surfer) with his obvious statements, which gave the X-Men time to infiltrate the villain's lair. However, he earned few points with them for this performance because the X-Men were only infiltrating to rescue Captain Obvious. He was later expelled from the X-Men due to his numerous bouts of obviousness. The final straw came when Magneto broke into the X-Men's headquarters after Captain Obvious hid the key under a doormat, making off with Professor X's CD collection and the team's X-box.
   
{{Q|Yup...that one too.|Captain Obvious|The Quote Above}}
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His expulsion may also have been related to the non-professional nature of his relationship with his sidekick, Readily Apparent Boy. Although group members did not disapprove of such relationships (the J.L.A. readily tolerated a clandestine relationship between a certain bat-themed hero and his sidekick), the indiscreet nature of the relationship - including flirting in public and spats in crowded restaurants - drew unwanted attention to the Justice League. "I mean, it really wouldn't have been a problem," said [[Superman]] in an interview, "If they didn't have to make it just so freakin'... ya know... ''obvious''."
   
{{Q|This is the fifth quote on the page.|Captain Obvious|This Quote}}
+
==Secret identity==
  +
[[Image:Obviousgraffiti.jpg|thumb|right|260px|Captain Obvious may also be an alias of [[Banksy]].]]
  +
Though Captain Obvious vehemently denies this (over and over), some suggest that Captain Obvious and Mr. Obvious are the same person. Those people note that, whenever Captain Obvious leaps into action, it's always right after Mr. Obvious conspicuously leaves, loudly saying, "I'm leaving now, but not to do anything interesting! I'm certainly not switching to my superhero identity, which of course, I do not have, as most people do not!"
  +
  +
These [[conspiracy]] nuts, however, are always disproved instantly. The fact that Captain Obvious has stated on many occasions that he is probably not Mr. Obvious (nudge nudge wink wink), or that it would simply be way too obvious, are commonly accepted as proof.
   
{{Q|Dude...just shut the fuck up...|Oscar Wilde|Captain Obvious}}
+
Captain Obvious is also not to be confused with [[Captain Oblivious]]. That's his twin brother.
   
{{Q|George Bush doesn't care about black people.|Kanye West|George Bush, after stripping Captain Obvious of his superpowers and taking them as his own }}
+
==Captain Obvious and Pop Culture==
  +
{{Q|You're a douche.|Captain Obvious|Kanye West}}
  +
[[Image:Dumb sign.jpg|thumb|right|300px|One of the many road [[sign]]s made by Captain Obvious.]]
  +
[[Image:mobviously.jpg|thumb|right|200px|Captain Obvious strikes again, this time letting a [[cat]] know that it is a cat.]]
  +
[[Image:Captain State-The-Obvious.png|right|thumb|200px|"You are hanging onto a ledge. And you're at risk of falling to your death."]]
  +
[[Image:Captain_Obvious_has_a_sign.jpg‎|right|thumb|250px|His obviousness sometimes causes him to lose focus.]]
  +
This inability of Captain Obvious to stick with any particular group has also hurt his cultural standing. An entire thirty minutes were cut from the first [[X-Men]] film to eliminate his role, due to the sheer 'predictability' of the character. He appeared once on The O'Reilly Factor in a historic appearance that lasted all of ten seconds when he blurted out that "Wait a minute, this show isn't fair and balanced at all."
   
  +
His comic book line sold out its first three issues, but sales quickly plummeted due to what readers complained was 'predictable writing.' These days he fills in minor roles, usually uttering phrases such as "That asteroid is heading straight toward us!" or "If we don't defuse this hydrogen bomb, the whole city will be destroyed!" His 900 page autobiography was also panned. In the book, titled 'This is a book about me, Captain Obvious', he admits what was already believed by many to be his greatest weakness.
   
==Captain Obvious==
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{{Q|I think my constant exclusion may have something to do with how I always say the obvious.|Captain Obvious|Page 22}}
[[Image:Captobvious.gif|thumb|"Well, DUH!"|left]]
 
Captain Obvious is a superhero. That is, he is a guy who fights bad guys, supervillains, and evil-doers. The name "Captain" is purely symbolic. Captain Obvious does not hold the rank of Captain in the Army, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard, Marines, or any Police Department. Nor is he licenced to pilot fishing vessels or cargo vessels in domestic or international waters.
 
   
His symbol is a large "O". The "O" stands for "Obvious", rather than "Oklahoma", "Orange", "Ombudsman" or any number of other words which begin with an "O".
+
His autobiography had the following chapters.
   
Captain Obvious is not to be confused with [[Mr. Obvious]], who simply happens to have Obvious as a family name, as Captain Obvious pointed out in page 12 of his autobiography:
+
# The First Couple Pages.
  +
# My Birth. How Two Opposite Gender Adults Make Me.
  +
# My Body, and Its Many Features (Included specially detailed sections and diagrams on what his integral organs. do, such as: his heart, his arms, and his vagina.)
  +
# Growing Up. The Tough Obstacles I Endured Like Learning to Walk and Eat.
  +
# Yes, I've Actually Been Alive These Past Forty Years.
  +
# Puberty, A Time of Change In My Life.
  +
# That Time I Wrote an Autobiography, and the Kind of Stuff That Went Into It.
  +
# Yes, I Am Probably Going to Die Someday...
  +
# This is The Last Chapter.
   
{{Q|[[Mr. Obvious]] has Obvious as a last name.|Captain Obvious|Mr. Obvious}}
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He has also starred in the following movies:
   
[[Mr. Obvious]] verified this in his own autobiography where in page 47 he writes:
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*Captain Obvious saves Labor Day
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*Captain Obvious and the Terrorist
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*Captain Obvious kills Kwanzaa
  +
*Captain Obvious and "The Talk"
   
{{Q|Yes... my name '''is''' Mr. Obvious|Mr. Obvious|His Name}}
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==Fortune Teller?==
  +
Captain Obvious has also tried predicting the future. Here are a few examples of his predictions.
   
Nor is Captain Obvious to be confused with [[Captain Oblivious|Captain Oblivious]], his twin brother.
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{{Q|People all over the world will have to purchase a new calendar within the next twelve months.|Captain Obvious|the future}}
  +
{{Q|Within two to three years the price of stamps will increase by an amount.|Captain Obvious|the future}}
  +
{{Q|Someone will die today.|Captain Obvious|the future}}
  +
{{Q|Someone will be born today.|Captain Obvious|the future}}
  +
{{Q|You will eat food within the next thirty days.|Captain Obvious|the future}}
  +
{{Q|Tomorrow will be another day.|Captain Obvious|the future}}
  +
{{Q|The future is coming.|Captain Obvious|the future}}
  +
{{Q|Someone will breathe today.|Captain Obvious|the future}}
  +
{{Q|Within two... no, three..., no wait, ay years, there will be a year that is divisible by two.|Captain Obvious|the future}}
  +
{{Q|Indeed, current events may become past events, but always remember that there will, now and always, be future events in the future.|Captain Obvious|the future}}
  +
{{Q|In two years time, it will be two years in the future.|Captain Obvious|the future}}
  +
{{Q|I'm not a doctor, but if you don't have your heart put back in your chest, you may die soon.|Captain Obvious|Lack of Medical Training, also the future}}
  +
{{Q|At the sound of the tone, it will be the time it is supposed to be. As in not now, but the future|Captain Obvious|the future}}
  +
{{Q|In one year it will be the present |Captain Obvious|the future}}
  +
{{Q|Next millennium, you'll be dead.|Captain Obvious|the future}}
  +
{{Q|You can't touch MC Hammer.|Captain Obvious|MC Hammer}}
  +
{{Q|Computers don't work after they break.|Captain Obvious|Computers}}
  +
{{Q|Justin Bieber sucks.|Captain Obvious|Justin Bieber}}
   
{{Q|Captain who?|Captain Oblivious|Captain Obvious}}
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==Other famous statements==
   
[[Captain Obvious]] is a freelance superhero constantly moving between superhero groups. He usually winds up kicked out after no longer than six months due to his unique ability, which is best described in his own words:
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[[Image: Capt. Obvious.jpg|thumb|180px|right| ''"Nah, duh."'' Captain Obvious is always good at pointing out the obvious.]]
   
{{Q|All I do is remind people of what they really ought to know by now.|Captain Obvious|Captain Obvious}}
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{{Q|Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do!|Captain Obvious on Morality}}
  +
{{Q|No matter how today turns out, there's always tomorrow.|Captain Obvious on cheering you up}}
  +
{{Q|Simply because you can't see something doesn't mean you can't hear or smell it.|Captain Obvious explaining the sense of sight}}
  +
{{Q|Dead people are not alive, you funny hat Man.|Captain Obvious|Teachings of the after life of the Catholic Church}}
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{{Q|If something gets hard that means it won't be easy anymore.|Captain Obvious|hardships}}
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{{Q|If you hate someone that can most likely indicate that you don't like them.|Captain Obvious|people you hate}}
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{{Q|The best cure for hunger is food!|Captain Obvious on malnutrition}}
  +
{{Q|When you're thirsty nothing feels better than drinking liquid!|Captain Obvious on Hydration}}
  +
{{Q|It's rude to fart when someones eating.|Captain Obvious on manners}}
  +
{{Q|Well, I say! These boots are made for walking.|Captain Obvious on foot wear}}
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{{Q|Flip-flops are for slobs!|Captain Obvious on foot wear (again)}}
  +
{{Q|I already said that quote!|Captain Obvious on above quote}}
  +
{{Q|Turning a frown upside down makes a smiley face.|Captain Obvious on facial expressions}}
   
  +
==Captain Obvious' UnNews Career==
  +
Recently due to [[Stan Lee]]'s company being [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-C9kP6wz5l4 screwed over] by [[Bill Clinton]] and [[Hillary Clinton]] the Captain Obvious comic was canceled so Captain Obvious took up a career as News Anchor for the UnNews network:
  +
*[[UnNews:AVG Antivirus detects Microsoft Windows as a Virus]]
  +
*[[UnNews:The Real Economic Problem Revealed]]
  +
*[[UnNews:Uncyclopedia to get $100 billion dollar bailout to get Domain Name Back]]
   
He first rose through the ranks of the [[Xavier School for Gifted Youth]] to join the [[X-Men]]. His actual superpowers are known by very few. Some speculate that it has something to do with levitation or super intelligence. Whatever it was, most people forget that he has any superpowers, and eventually the name 'Captain Obvious' caught on.
+
==See also==
  +
{{Wikipedia}}
  +
*[[Captain Obvious Cereal]]
  +
*[[John Madden]]
  +
*[[Admiral Ackbar]]
  +
*[[1989 Zombie Invasion]]
  +
*[[obnosis]]
   
He was first brought into to the X-Men for his intelligence and vocalness, which quickly drove the group mad. He managed to demonstrate a moderate degree of usefulness when he was able to annoy and distract an evil-doer (a time-travelling evil mutant clone of the Silver Surfer) with his obvious statements, which gave the X-Men time to infiltrate the villain's lair. However, because the X-Men were only infiltrating to rescue Captain Obvious, he earned few points with them for this performance. He was later expelled from the X-Men due to his numerous bouts of obviousness. The final straw came when Magneto broke into the X-Men's headquarters after Captain Obvious hid the key under the doormat, making off with Professor X's CD collection and the team's X-box.
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{{2006Top10}}
   
{{Q|Way to go, Captain Obvious!|X-Men|Captain Obvious}}
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{{captains}}
   
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{{FA|date=1 April 2006|revision=649359}}
   
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[[category:Superheroes]]
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[[Category:Articles about a person written in the style of that person]]
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[[Category:Uncyclopedia In-Jokes]]
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[[Category:Internet memes]]
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[[Category:Justice League members]]
   
===Other Quotes on Record from Captain Obvious===
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[[ru:Капитан Очевидность]]
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[[cs:Kapitán Osvěta]]
{{Q|Maybe the store will let us take the stuff if we give them money?|Captain Obvious|shopping for decorative bric-a-bracs with Cypher after being sent out on errands by the other X-Men}}
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[[es:Capitán Obvio]]
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[[it:Capitan Ovvio]]
{{Q|It's a pool of acid. That could be dangerous.|Captain Obvious|a pool of acid}}
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[[pl:Kapitan Oczywisty]]
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[[pt:Capitão Óbvio]]
{{Q|Our foes have superpowers that they are not using in the name of justice!|Captain Obvious|}}
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[[nl:Kapitein Overduidelijk]]
 
{{Q|Judging by the lair's diagram, it consists of a series of booby traps which could potentially injure someone...or worse.|Captain Obvious|}}
 
 
{{Q|Your claws. They are...sharp!|Captain Obvious|Wolverine's claws}}
 
 
{{Q|Logan, you have rage issues.|Captain Obvious|Wolverine, shortly before being admitted to the emergency room}}
 
 
{{Q|Humans are people too.|Captain Obvious|}}
 
 
{{Q|This runway isn't the most sensible picnic area.|Captain Obvious|}}
 
 
{{Q|Wait here! This button beside the door will call an elevator!|Captain Obvious|}}
 
 
{{Q|Evil cyborgs are attacking that school bus, some sort of action should be taken!|Captain Obvious|Evil cyborgs attacking that school bus}}
 
 
 
It wasn't long before the group became fed up with what he thought were 'insightful observations'. He lent his services to the [[Justice League of America]], but was soon expelled due to his controversial views on America.
 
 
{{Q|War is violent.|Captain Obvious|War}}
 
 
{{Q|Peace, however, is not.|Captain Obvious|Peace}}
 
 
 
His expulsion may also have been related to the non-professional nature of his relationship with his sidekick, Readily Apparent Boy. Although group members did not disapprove of such relationships(the JLA readily tolerated a clandestine relationship between a certain bat-themed hero and his sidekick), the indiscreet nature of the relationship- including flirting in public and spats in crowded restaurants- drew unwanted attention to the Justice League. "I mean, it really wouldn't have been a problem," said Superman in an interview, "If they didn't have to make it just so freakin'... ya know... ''obvious''."
 
 
==Captain Obvious and Pop Culture==
 
 
This inability of Captain Obvious to stick with any particular group has also hurt his cultural standing. An entire thirty minutes were cut from the first [[X-Men]] film to eliminate his role, due to the sheer 'predictability' of the character. He appeared once on [[The O'Reilly Factor|Bill O'Reilly]] in a historic appearance that lasted all of ten seconds when he blurted out that "Wait a minute, this show isn't fair and balanced at all."
 
 
His comic book line sold out its first three issues, but sales quickly plummeted due to what readers complained was 'predictable writing.' These days he fills in minor roles, usually uttering phrases such as "That asteroid is heading straight toward us!" or "If we don't defuse this hydrogen bomb, the whole city will be destroyed!" His 900 page autobiography was also panned. In the book, titled 'This is a book about me, Captain Obvious', he admits what was already believed by many to be his greatest weakness.
 
 
{{Q|I think my constant exclusion may have something to do with how I always say the obvious.|Captain Obvious|Page 22}}
 
 
 
His autobiography had the following chapters.
 
 
*1. The First Couple Pages
 
*2. My Birth. How Two Opposite Gender Adults Make Me
 
*3. My Body, and Its Many Features (Included specially detailed sections and diagrams on what his integral organs do such as his heart, his arms, and his fingers.)
 
*4. Growing Up. The Tough Obstacles I Endured Like Learning to Walk and Eat
 
*5. Puberty, A Time of Change In My Life
 
*6. Yes, I've Actually Been Alive These Past 40 Years
 
*7. That Time I Wrote an Autobiography, and the Kind of Stuff That Went Into It
 
*8. Yes, I Am Probably Going to Die Someday...
 
*9. This is The Last Chapter
 
 
 
==Enemies of Captain Obvious==
 
 
{{Q|Right here you will learn who my enemies are. My enemies being people who want to harm me.|Captain Obvious|This Subject}}
 
 
 
Captain Obvious' skills have managed to draw the attention of a number of super villains:
 
 
*[[Doctor Not So Obvious]]
 
*Major Devious
 
*[[Not At All Predictable Ned]]
 
*The Enigma
 
*Commander Coy
 
*[[Totally Random Boy]]
 
*[[Jay]] and [[Silent Bob]]
 
 
 
{{Q|You should stop reading here. There's nothing left of the article.|Captain Obvious|}}
 
{{ArticleFH}}
 
[[category:Superheroes]]
 

Latest revision as of 19:36, July 11, 2014

You may be looking for John Madden and not even know it!
Captain Obvious
CaptainobviousChooseOption
Date of birth Unknown
Marital Status Divorced
Home Earth. Obviously.
Occupation Superhero
Powers Unknown
Weakness Thai food
Also Known As John Madden
“This is an article about me, Captain Obvious.”
~ Captain Obvious on this obvious article
“Thank you, Captain Obvious.”
~ The general public on Captain's statements

Captain Obvious is a superhero — one of the people who fight bad guys, supervillains, and assorted evil-doers. The prefix "Captain", however, is purely symbolic. Although the "Obvious" part of Captain Obvious's name is certainly true, Captain Obvious does not hold the rank of Captain in the Army, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard, Marines, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration Commissioned Corps, the United States Public Health Service Commissioned Corps, the Salvation Army or any Police or Fire Department. Nor is he licensed to fly commercial or cargo aircraft or pilot fishing boats or cargo vessels, meaning that in a situation where he would have to pilot one of these vehicles and is asked by a duly authorized official to prove that he had the legal right to do so, he would not be able to.

Captain Obvious's symbol is a large "O". This is the circular image on his chest, identical to the letter used elsewhere; however, its use in such instances does not necessarily pertain to Captain Obvious. The "O" stands for "Obvious", rather than "Oklahoma", "Oregon", "Osama bin Laden", "Orange", "Ombudsman", "Obama" or any of the other six words that begin with an "O". He sometimes carries a large shield with him, though this is primarily to stop his own team mates from beating the living daylights out of him. His main rival is the dastardly Professor Subtle, against whom he battles in many comic book and television episodes, but Professor Subtle never fails to reappear in subsequent episodes. This could be because Captain Obvious has failed to apprehend or destroy Professor Subtle in any way, or because, as Captain Obvious has pointed out on several occasions, "It's all retcon's fault!".

edit History

CaptobviousChooseOption

Note that this is not one of Captain Obvious's statements. He readily addresses that fact that he is rarely "to the rescue".

He first rose through the ranks of the Professor Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters to join the X-Men. His actual superpowers are known by very few. Some speculate that it has something to do with levitation, super intelligence, or raising the dead. Whatever it was, most people forget that he has any superpowers, and eventually the name 'Captain Obvious' caught on.

CaptObviousTitanic

Captain Obvious on the Titanic.

He was first brought into the X-Men for his intelligence and vocalness, which quickly drove the group mad. He managed to demonstrate a moderate degree of usefulness when he was able to annoy and distract an evil-doer (a time-traveling evil mutant clone of the Silver Surfer) with his obvious statements, which gave the X-Men time to infiltrate the villain's lair. However, he earned few points with them for this performance because the X-Men were only infiltrating to rescue Captain Obvious. He was later expelled from the X-Men due to his numerous bouts of obviousness. The final straw came when Magneto broke into the X-Men's headquarters after Captain Obvious hid the key under a doormat, making off with Professor X's CD collection and the team's X-box.

His expulsion may also have been related to the non-professional nature of his relationship with his sidekick, Readily Apparent Boy. Although group members did not disapprove of such relationships (the J.L.A. readily tolerated a clandestine relationship between a certain bat-themed hero and his sidekick), the indiscreet nature of the relationship - including flirting in public and spats in crowded restaurants - drew unwanted attention to the Justice League. "I mean, it really wouldn't have been a problem," said Superman in an interview, "If they didn't have to make it just so freakin'... ya know... obvious."

edit Secret identity

Obviousgraffiti

Captain Obvious may also be an alias of Banksy.

Though Captain Obvious vehemently denies this (over and over), some suggest that Captain Obvious and Mr. Obvious are the same person. Those people note that, whenever Captain Obvious leaps into action, it's always right after Mr. Obvious conspicuously leaves, loudly saying, "I'm leaving now, but not to do anything interesting! I'm certainly not switching to my superhero identity, which of course, I do not have, as most people do not!"

These conspiracy nuts, however, are always disproved instantly. The fact that Captain Obvious has stated on many occasions that he is probably not Mr. Obvious (nudge nudge wink wink), or that it would simply be way too obvious, are commonly accepted as proof.

Captain Obvious is also not to be confused with Captain Oblivious. That's his twin brother.

edit Captain Obvious and Pop Culture

“You're a douche.”
~ Captain Obvious on Kanye West
Dumb sign

One of the many road signs made by Captain Obvious.

Mobviously

Captain Obvious strikes again, this time letting a cat know that it is a cat.

Captain State-The-Obvious

"You are hanging onto a ledge. And you're at risk of falling to your death."

Captain Obvious has a sign

His obviousness sometimes causes him to lose focus.

This inability of Captain Obvious to stick with any particular group has also hurt his cultural standing. An entire thirty minutes were cut from the first X-Men film to eliminate his role, due to the sheer 'predictability' of the character. He appeared once on The O'Reilly Factor in a historic appearance that lasted all of ten seconds when he blurted out that "Wait a minute, this show isn't fair and balanced at all."

His comic book line sold out its first three issues, but sales quickly plummeted due to what readers complained was 'predictable writing.' These days he fills in minor roles, usually uttering phrases such as "That asteroid is heading straight toward us!" or "If we don't defuse this hydrogen bomb, the whole city will be destroyed!" His 900 page autobiography was also panned. In the book, titled 'This is a book about me, Captain Obvious', he admits what was already believed by many to be his greatest weakness.

“I think my constant exclusion may have something to do with how I always say the obvious.”
~ Captain Obvious on Page 22

His autobiography had the following chapters.

  1. The First Couple Pages.
  2. My Birth. How Two Opposite Gender Adults Make Me.
  3. My Body, and Its Many Features (Included specially detailed sections and diagrams on what his integral organs. do, such as: his heart, his arms, and his vagina.)
  4. Growing Up. The Tough Obstacles I Endured Like Learning to Walk and Eat.
  5. Yes, I've Actually Been Alive These Past Forty Years.
  6. Puberty, A Time of Change In My Life.
  7. That Time I Wrote an Autobiography, and the Kind of Stuff That Went Into It.
  8. Yes, I Am Probably Going to Die Someday...
  9. This is The Last Chapter.

He has also starred in the following movies:

  • Captain Obvious saves Labor Day
  • Captain Obvious and the Terrorist
  • Captain Obvious kills Kwanzaa
  • Captain Obvious and "The Talk"

edit Fortune Teller?

Captain Obvious has also tried predicting the future. Here are a few examples of his predictions.

“People all over the world will have to purchase a new calendar within the next twelve months.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“Within two to three years the price of stamps will increase by an amount.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“Someone will die today.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“Someone will be born today.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“You will eat food within the next thirty days.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“Tomorrow will be another day.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“The future is coming.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“Someone will breathe today.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“Within two... no, three..., no wait, ay years, there will be a year that is divisible by two.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“Indeed, current events may become past events, but always remember that there will, now and always, be future events in the future.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“In two years time, it will be two years in the future.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“I'm not a doctor, but if you don't have your heart put back in your chest, you may die soon.”
~ Captain Obvious on Lack of Medical Training, also the future
“At the sound of the tone, it will be the time it is supposed to be. As in not now, but the future”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“In one year it will be the present ”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“Next millennium, you'll be dead.”
~ Captain Obvious on the future
“You can't touch MC Hammer.”
~ Captain Obvious on MC Hammer
“Computers don't work after they break.”
~ Captain Obvious on Computers
“Justin Bieber sucks.”
~ Captain Obvious on Justin Bieber

edit Other famous statements

Capt. Obvious

"Nah, duh." Captain Obvious is always good at pointing out the obvious.

“Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do!”
~ Captain Obvious on Morality
“No matter how today turns out, there's always tomorrow.”
~ Captain Obvious on cheering you up
“Simply because you can't see something doesn't mean you can't hear or smell it.”
~ Captain Obvious explaining the sense of sight
“Dead people are not alive, you funny hat Man.”
~ Captain Obvious on Teachings of the after life of the Catholic Church
“If something gets hard that means it won't be easy anymore.”
~ Captain Obvious on hardships
“If you hate someone that can most likely indicate that you don't like them.”
~ Captain Obvious on people you hate
“The best cure for hunger is food!”
~ Captain Obvious on malnutrition
“When you're thirsty nothing feels better than drinking liquid!”
~ Captain Obvious on Hydration
“It's rude to fart when someones eating.”
~ Captain Obvious on manners
“Well, I say! These boots are made for walking.”
~ Captain Obvious on foot wear
“Flip-flops are for slobs!”
~ Captain Obvious on foot wear (again)
“I already said that quote!”
~ Captain Obvious on above quote
“Turning a frown upside down makes a smiley face.”
~ Captain Obvious on facial expressions

edit Captain Obvious' UnNews Career

Recently due to Stan Lee's company being screwed over by Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton the Captain Obvious comic was canceled so Captain Obvious took up a career as News Anchor for the UnNews network:

edit See also

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