Captain Oblivious
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... Oh! Right! yeah! The page! This Article is about...Who is it about again? Oh yeah! Captain Oblivious!
“Here are the contents.”
~ Captain Obvious on Captain Oblivious's Uncyclopedia page
Contents |
[edit] Don't Be Oblivious and Do the Obvious by Confusing Captain Oblivious with Captain Obvious
Captain Oblivious is not to be confused with Captain Obvious, who may or may not be his twin brother, as Captain Oblivious mentions in page 1 of his 2 page autobiography:
“Captain Obvious says we're related, and he seems to know a lot about our mutual childhood. Why, I don't know.”
~ Captain Oblivious
Captain Obvious verified this in his own autobiography where in page 2 he writes:
“I think he can't recognize me with this helmet on. Perhaps I should take it off.”
~ Captain Obvious on why his brother doesn't know him
“I ran into a wall the other day”
~ Captain Oblivious on "who put that wall there?"
[edit] The Oblivious Offspring
“I have a son?”
~ Captain Oblivious on having a son
“What I really miss about my childhood is going fishing with my father without a rod. Or a boat. Or my father.”
~ The Riddler on his childhood
Captain Oblivious has one son he does not remember procreating. Naturally the identity of The Riddler mother escapes Captain Oblivious, as does the whereabouts of his beloved son. Captain Oblivious also remains oblivious of the fact that The Riddler had a career as an arch-enemy of Batman. Eventually The Riddler got fired because he wore too stupid a costume, and nowadays he is pestering his poor father by sending him riddles such as "Guess whose son am I".
It is also rumored that Captain Oblivious has another son, namely Conan O'Blivious.
[edit] Education and Work History
Captain Oblivious is a freelance superhero constantly moving between superhero groups. He usually winds up kicked out after no longer than six months due to his unique condition, which is best described in his own words:
“People get really annoyed at me for some reason. I... wait a second, is today Tuesday? Was I supposed to be saving Earth today? Where am I? What is this stuff?”
~ Captain Oblivious on being interviewed in a vat of acid
He first rose through the ranks of Professor Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters to join the X-Men. He also possesses several superpowers, including flight, although he is often seen taking a taxi for an unknown reason. His special ability is to forget his own name.
“I forget my name? When?”
~ Captain Oblivious on The above paragraph
“All the time.”
~ Captain Obvious on The above quote
“Hey, a dime.”
~ Captin Oblivious on The above quote
He was first brought into to the X-Men because otherwise he'd still be wandering around Xavier's mansion. Prof. X recommended they give him something to do.
“I know the bathroom was around here yesterday...”
~ Captain Oblivious on getting lost again
He was later expelled from the X-Men due to his numerous bouts of obliviousness. The final straw came when Magneto crumpled the X-Men's headquarters with his mind after Captain Oblivious told him where it was.
“Was that a secret? I thought it was pretty well-known. I mean, otherwise he could have done that at any time, right?”
~ Captain Oblivious
After he was kicked out of the X-Men, he went on to do some solo stuff, until he met his sidekick, Pedoboy. A year later, he broke up with him after the Cops took him away.
“I had a sidekick?”
~ Captain Oblivious
[edit] Other Quotes on Record from Captain Oblivious
“If you read the quotes on this page to your friends nonstop, they will laugh.”
~ Captain Oblivious on reading quotes
“Is this quote in the right section?”
~ Captain Oblivious on the above quote
“Yes.”
~ Captain Yes on the above quote
“I'm white?!”
~ Captain Oblivious on Being white
“Wait! The President's half White? He looks black to me!”
~ Captain Oblivious on Barack Obama
“There's going to be a quote below this?”
~ Captain Oblivious on the next quote
“Wow, I swear I didn't see that coming”
~ Captain Oblivious on the above quote
“Seriously? Fish swim ALL THE TIME?”
~ Captain Oblivious on Fish
“Huh? Since when is Captain Obvious mentioned more on Uncyclopedia than me?”
~ Captain Oblivious on Captain Obvious
“Who's Chuck Norris? I could probably take 'em.”
~ Captain Oblivious on Chuck Norris
“UNCYCLOPEDIA IS A PARODY SITE?!?!?!?!”
~ Captain Oblivious on Uncyclopedia
“Editing pages on Uncyclopedia is cool, isn't it?”
~ Captain Oblivious on Uncyclopedia again
“What's all this about nine thousand?”
~ Captain Oblivious on Prince Vegeta
“Wait, WHAT! Im a captain?”
~ Captain Oblivious on himself
“ Huh..what?”
~ Captain Oblivious on everything
“What the hell is going on!”
~ Captain Oblivious being raped by Professor Subtle
“I can't be sure, but I think Amy Winehouse may be dabbling in drugs.”
~ Captain Oblivious on Celebrity gossip
“The Ku Klux Klan were racist!? I just thought that liked spooking each other with those bedsheets!”
~ Captain Oblivious on Black History Month
“What is this fiendish wizardry?? Begone, hellish gremlin!!”
~ Captain Oblivious on Computers
“I'm a big cat lover, they're so friendly and lovable. My cat knows a lot of tricks, I'm not sure where he learned them though.”
~ Captain Oblivious on His dog
“He founded Berlinlandstan”
~ Captain Oblivious on Cat Lover
“Wait, what? I lost?”
~ Captain Oblivious on The Game
“Yes.”
~ Captain Yes on Above quote
“When he was 15, we bought him a guitar, but he never played it, we don't event hink he knew we got it for him. We also got him a donut, he never touched that either.”
“I had parents?”
~ Captain Oblivious on The quote above
“No, they're not working today.”
~ Captain Oblivious on his AIDS
“What was the deal with those monkeys in the beginning?”
~ Captain Oblivious on Ending sequence of 2001: A Space Odyssey
“What am I wearing? Uh...wait what am I wearing? No, I'm not gonna put something in--wait, where's the butthole again?”
~ Captain Obilvious on his short stint working for a gay phone sex line
“No...should I be?”
~ Captain Oblivious on top of a hooker asking if he's wearing protection
“Wait,If WTF doesn't stand for Wednesday Thursday Friday, then WHAT THE FUCK Does it mean?!?!?!”
~ Captain Oblivious on What WTF stands for
“Wow, Awesome game! Just one question, what's that halo shaped planet called?”
~ Captain Oblivious on Halo:Combat Evolved, just finishing the game
“I have a shadow?”
~ Captain Oblivious on his shadow
“Hey, Oscar Wilde, your wife looks sick.”
~ Captain Oblivious on Oscar Wilde's dead prostitute
“That cake's as good as mine, they're going to give it to me, any second now...”
~ Captain Oblivious on Portal
“AAAAAAAAAAAARGH...did I get it right?”
~ Captain Oblivious on fire
“Huh? Oh. AAAAAAAARGH!”
~ Captain Oblivious on fire again
“Hitler's a German? I thought he was Russian!”
~ Captain Oblivious on Hitler
“Captain Obvious is my brother?”
~ Captain Oblivious on Captain Obvious
“What's supposed to happen?”
~ Captain Oblivious on drugs
“I think I wet myself”
~ Captain Oblivious on swimming at his local pool
“How much is this ring?”
~ Captain Oblivious on shopping in the One Dollar Store
“What about this one?”
~ Captain Oblivious on still shopping in the One Dollar Store
“I like your ring”
~ Captain Oblivious on getting his face repeatedly punched by the One Dollar Store clerk
“You are actually reading this crap”
~ Me on you
“Hey! That's not about Captain Oblivious!”
~ Captain Political Correctness on Above Quote
“Excuse me, sir! I noticed you left this briefcase in the White House!”
~ Captain Oblivious on dirty bombs
“What happened to the World Trade Center?”
~ Captain Oblivious on 9/11
“I'm awfully sorry, didn't see you there”
~ Captain Oblivious on car crash
“Wow!!!!! It's Captain Oblivious!!!”
~ Fanboy on Captain Oblivious
“Where?”
~ Captain Oblivious on the above
“Shits where?”
~ Captain Oblivious on The Bear
“...and then the sperm hit the egg and THEN you got pregnant? I still don't get it.”
~ Captain Oblivious on Breakability of condoms
“Wait a minute. If all I have to do is cut the correct wire, why can't I just cut all the wires?”
~ Captain Oblivious on bomb defusing
“That's why, you fucking idiot”
~ Innocent Bystander on Above quote/being dead
“Wait, what's why? Hey, where'd everything go?”
~ Captain Oblivious on A splosion!!!!!!
“It's a pool of acid. Oh well, it's got nothing to do with me. Hey look, a moth.”
~ Captain Oblivious on a pool of acid that Wolverine is being hung over
“Logan, are you angry or something?”
~ Captain Oblivious on Wolverine, shortly before being admitted to the emergency room
“You see, I have this Big Gun and whenever I am about to shoot an invading alien the Gun just goes click-click. I mean do I need to load the Gun with something?”
~ Captain Oblivious on his Big Gun
“Huh? You mean that black square in the starting room was a doorway?”
~ Captain Oblivious on playing The Legend of Zelda
“I went to the movies the other day but all they had there was some sort of a big screen with a kind of moving picture reflected on it, so I left. They didn't even have lights there for crying out loud!”
~ Captain Oblivious on going to the movies
“HUH?.. Wait What?”
~ Captain Oblivious on most famous quote
“Where did the Jews go?”
~ Captain Oblivious on the Holocaust
“Those people look like ants from up here”
~ Captain Obvlivious on looking at some ants
“I thought he was black”
~ Captain Oblivious on Michael Jackson
“An Eskimo? Whats an Eskimo?”
~ Captain Oblivious on Eskimos
“He's a little slow at understanding things and most days seems quite oblivious about what's going on around him”
~ Captain Obvious on Captain Oblivious
“The chicken did what???”
~ Captain Oblivious on Why did the chicken cross the road?
“Damnit! It's like they have a different word for everything!”
~ Captain Oblivious on the French
“Some French words are the same as English words”
~ Captain Obvious on "words 'n' stuff"
“What's supposed to happen?”
~ Captain Obvlivious on acid
“Doodle poodele Eeh hee I am here. You are There. My name is my name.”
~ Captain Obvious on Drugs
“I think he might be Batman!”
~ Captain Oblivious on Bruce Wayne, after watching a 6-hour long Batman movie marathon
“So, what's the Matrix?”
~ Captain Oblivious on The Matrix, After 6 hour long movie marathon
“What was that noise?”
~ Captain Oblivious on Leaving the airport in Hiroshima 1945
“What was so special about that ring anyway, and whats with the midgets?”
~ Captain Oblivious on Afer watching The Lord of the Rings trilogy.
“Why won't you answer me!?”
~ Captain Oblivious while yelling at the t.v.
“What's a riddle?”
~ Captain Oblivious answering his son's riddle
“Really? I can't believe it!”
~ Captain Oblivious after figuring out what 1+1 equals for the past twenty years
“Where did the baby on the ledge go?”
~ Captain Oblivious while babysitting
“Einstein was smart?”
~ Captain Oblivious on always believing being called Einstein meant he did or said something stupid
“I'm a noob? Hell no!”
~ Captain Oblivious on Being called a noob
“Wait, whats noob?”
~ Captain Oblivious on Noob
“Why can't I see!?”
~ Captain Oblivious after staring at the sun for too long
“Are all these people crazy!?”
~ Captain Oblivious on Mental Hospitals
“This is a quote? What's a quote?”
~ Captain Oblivious on this very quote
“Life has a meaning?”
~ Captain Oblivious on The meaning of life
“Is this the meaning of life?”
~ Captain Oblivious on picking up a leaf
“Is this the meaning of life?”
~ Captain Oblivious on picking up a dollar
“Is this the meaning of life?”
~ Captain Oblivious on picking up a vat of acid
“Why do I get the feeling that I am burning?”
~ Captain Oblivious on spilling the acid over himself
“Should I be screaming?”
~ Captain Oblivious on being told that he is covered with acid
“So it's ok to pull on this G-String?”
~ Captain Oblivious on Guitars
“I thought Europe was a country! At least I know that America is a state!”
~ Captain Oblivious on Europe and America
“OH GOD HOW DID THIS GET HERE I AM NOT GOOD WITH COMPUTER”
~ Captian Obvious on Computers
“"To Serve Man" it was a cookbook!?!?”
~ Captain Oblivious on Twilight Zone
[edit] The Conclusion - Even Captain Oblivious Has Got an Achilles Heel
“I've got no Achilles heel! If I did, I'd know about it!”
~ Captain Oblivious on his Achilles heel
“Wait, what's an Achilles heel?”
~ Captain Oblivious on his Achilles heel (again)
It wasn't long before the group became fed up with Captain Oblivious' frequent trips to "outer space" in the midst of battle, as well as his maddening inability to comprehend the seriousness of the situation at a given moment.
“Wait, that's it?”
~ Captain Oblivious
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“Wait, there are other people named captain?”
~ Captain Oblivious on discovering there are other captains
“Also, what is a captain?”
~ Captain Oblivious on what just is a 'captain' anyways
Other appearances Captain Oblivious worked as the main adviser to George Dubya Bush
