Caps Lock

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fOR THOSE WITHOUT COMEDIC TASTES, THE SO-CALLED EXPERTS AT wIKIPEDIA HAVE AN ARTICLE aBOUT cAPS LOCK.

"cAPS lOCK IS LIKE CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL."

~ bOB ON cAPS LOCK

"Just don't forget to steer, okay, honey?"

~yOUR mOM IN RESPONSE TO THE ABOVE

"i BUSTED HIS KNEE CAPS, lOCKED THE DOOR, AND SET HIS HOUSE ON FIRE."

~ mAFIA gUY ON cAPS LOCK

"lIFE'S TOO SHORT TO SEARCH CAPS LOCK"

~ jAMES dEAN ON cAPS LOCK

"i WAS ON CAPS LOCK 24/7."

~ bILLY mAYS ON cAPS LOCK

"sOUNDS lIKE A pISS pOOR lOCK"

~ jOHN lOCKE ON cAPS LOCK

"Caps lock sounds like you're yelling, and that may offend."

~ Internet safety people who think they know the internet ON cAPS LOCK

tHE cAPS lOCK, ALSO KNOWN AS "RETARD LOCK", WAS INVENTED BY aRTHUR jAMES cAPPINGTON IN 1924 TO PROTECT THE HIDDEN TREASURE OF THE dREAD pIRATE rOBERTS. iNGENIOUS IN ITS DESIGN, tHE cAPS lOCK BOGGLES THE MIND SUFFICENTLY FOR A POTENTIAL ROBBER TO BECOME AMAZINGLY CONFUSED, AND EVENTUALLY GIVE UP ENTIRELY. tO DEMONSTRATE THE POWER OF TEH cAPS lOCK:

oMG ROFT DID U KNOW THAT i HID THE TREASURE ON THE FIFTH FLOOR OF THE mALL OF aMERICA BECAUSE i NU THAT NOBODY WOULD LOOK THERE WTF YOU GUYS THEIR’S A F*CKING SHARK TANK WTF A GODAMN SHARK TANK?

iN ORDER TO DECIDE cAPPINGTON'S iNVENTION, rOBERTS’ CREW AND WOULD-BE MUTINIERS WOULD HAVE HAS TO BE ABLE TO SLUDGE THROUGH INCOMPREHENSIBLE TEXT, IF THEY MANGED TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE SHORT PARAGRAPH'S PAINFUL gRAMMAR, sYNTAX AND sPELING. tHE FAMOUS PIRATE DECLARED cAPPINGTON A GENUIS, AND PROMPTLY KILLED HIM SO THAT ONLY ONE MAN WOULD HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE TO DECIPHER THE cAPS lOCK.

iN MODERN TIMES, THIS TERM HAS COME TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH lIVEJOURNAL RIBEYE STEAK, PRESUMABLY BECAUSE THE NEWSCASTERS OF THE ORGANIZATION WISH THEIR FINDS TO REMAIN A SECRET. tHE WORD CAPS LOCK IS A ANAGRAM OF COCK SLAP

wARNING

uSING cAPS lOCK WITHOUT PROPER TRAINING CAN IMPAIR LINGUISTIC CAPABILITIES.

eXAMPLE: [1]

<yarso> COULD NE1 HELP

aLSO NOTE THAT WHEN A COMPUTER IS oN THE fRITZ iT WILL OFTEN INTERPRET YOUR CORRECT!!!1! PASSWORD AS WRONG just because the caps lock key is on when it shouldn't be, or ofF WHEN IT SHOULD BE ON. SHOOTING YOUR COMPUTER WITH A GERMAN SEMI-AUTOMATIC PISTOL IS not RECOMMENDED even IN THESE CASES.

File:Caps Lock.jpg

fAMOUS QUOTES

<HAXMASTA>  wHERE DO i GET WAREZ??
<Nooob1!11>  sTOP HAKING FAGOT!!!

WHeN i HIt CaPS a LITtlE LIgHt coMES oN AnD OFf!!!1!

tHE CAPS LOCK MAN

tHE CAPS LOCK MAN IS A PERSON LINKED WITH ALMOST EVERY CONSPIRACY AND WHO DRAWS HIS POWER FROM THE RETARD LOCK. hAVE YOU EVER FOUND CAPS LOCK ON WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO TYPE YOUR PASSWORD IN? iT WAS PROBABLY THE CAPS LOCK MAN. hAS YOUR CAPS LOCK EVER MYSTERIOUSLY TURNED OFF? pROBABLY THE CAPS LOCK MAN.

INDEEEEEd!

oTHER EXAMPLES

<Granf17> sTOCKHOLM sANTIAGO gABORONE sINGAPORE!!!
<Granf17> lUANDA aMSTERDAM oSLO lIMA bEIJING tIRANA cARACAS bANGKOK pALIKIR ... vALLETTA ? 
<Granf17> mENSK gABORONE aDDIS aBABA dILI yERAVAN
* Krankir sets mode: +b Granf17!*@*.*
<Krankir> Don't type in all capitals, it's rude.

"tONIGHT, wE dINE, iN HHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

~ kING lEONIDAS ON dINNER

aMAZINGLY, WHICHEVER PERSON ADDED THIS QUOUTE COULDN'T SPELL "dINE"

aND ALSO AMAZINGELY, WHICHEVER PERSON ADDED THAT COMMENT COULDN'T SPELL "QUOTE"

aNd STIlL AMAZINGLY, WHICHEVER PERSON ADDED THAT COMMENT COULDN'T SPELL "AMAZINGLY"

eVEN MORE AMAZINGLY, WHICHEVER PEOPLE ADDED THOSE FIRST 2 COMMENTS DIDN'T NOTICE THE QUOTE WAS INCORRECT, kING lEONIDAS NEVER DINES DURING DAYLIGHT, ONLY AT nIGHT. aND IN HHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aND EVEN MORE aMAZINGLY, THE QUOTE DID SAY "TONIGHT" ePIC fAIL.

aND EVEN MORE aMAZING, ALL THE COMMENTS ABOVE USED "aMAZINGLY" WRONG. vERY SAD INDEED.

iSN'T THAT AMAZING?!?

yEAH!

iNTERNATIONAL cAPS lOCK dAY

iNTERNATIONAL cAPS lOCK dAY IS ON JUNE 28TH EVERY YEAR IN HONOR OF BILLY MAYS. iF YOU DONT TYPE EVERYTHING YOU TYPE WITH THE CAPS LOCK KEY ON, THEN jESUS WILL NOT LIKE YOU VERY MUCH. iF YOU DON'T LIKE THE ABOVE DATE, SOME INTERNET USERS CITE iNTERNATIONAL cAPS lOCK dAY AS BEING CELEBRATED ON oCTOBER 22ND EACH YEAR. aND IF YOU TYPE LIKE THIS ON nOVEMBER 19TH, tHEN KITTENS WILL COME AND BITE YOUR EYE OUT, BECAUSE THEY ARE JUST SO DARN CUTE.

iMPORTANT uSES oF cAPS lOCK

cAPS LOCK HAS A FEW (pATHETICALLY MINOR) USES, INCLUDING:

  • dRAMATICALLY REDUCING THE CHANCES OF CAPS USER GETTING LAID
  • pRODUCTION OF HUMANITY'S WORST LANGUAGE, NAMELY aaaaaaaa1
  • sPEEDING UP THE DEATH OF THE iNTERNET
  • a WAY TO EXPRESS ANGER OR FANGIRLY JOY THAT NEW MOON COMES OUT IN A MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!1
  • wORTHLESS CAPITALIZATIONS FOR VARIOUS PRODUCTS THE CAPS USER CAN ONLY GET IF THEIR PARENTS BUY IT FOR THEM, SUCH AS THE IpOD
  • a WAY FOR THE CAPS USER TO CHANNEL THEIR RAGE AGAINST THE FACT THAT THEY CAN NOT EFFECTIVELY USE A COMPUTER BEYOND LOOKING UP PORN.

WOULD YOU LIKE A BIGGER PENIS

sTIcKy cAPS

aN EXAMPLE OF STICKY CAPS IS THE TITLE TO THIS PASSAGE OF TEXT.

sTICKY CAPS ARE ONLY USED BY (SOMETIMES VERY) HORNY TWELVE YEAR OLD BOYS THAT (ALMOST ALWAYS) HATES gEORGE w. bUSH AND OTHER POLITICAL LEADERS WHOM THEIR DRUNK PARENTS SAY ARE EVIL.

sEE ALSO

111capsno9sv oH, AND ASPLODE IT, TOO.

>>>


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