Canonization

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In western civilisation, Canonisation is a prolonged, bureaucratic process of the Catholic Church, the end result of which is making somebody an official saint. In early times it was seen as one of the supreme honors the Church could bestow upon the faithful, with such luminaries as Jesus, Buddha and David Blaine being among the first to receive it.

However, the Church's rule that only dead people may be canonised kept the title from achieving all the popularity it could. While supremely reasonable from the ecclesiastical viewpoint (dead people are unable to screw up and thereby show the Church wrong in something), it just made many people ask, "why the hell should I care?" The Vatican planned to counter this by making canonisation widely visible in the media, thus appealing to people's vanity with the old "you'll be remembered" fallacy. The plan backfired when Church leaders carried it out by canonising a vast array of everyday objects and having Burt Ward, as Robin, say things like "holy guacamole" and "holy shark repellent" in the popular '66 Batman TV series.

Finally, late in 2004, the Church caved and made Britney Spears the first living person to be canonised. "She is way hot," declared the late John Paul II.

[edit] Canonisation in Eastern Civilisation

A form of execution invented by the Mughal's in India and latter used by the British after the Indian Mutiny, Canonisation involved the prisoner being lashed to the mouth of a cannon (generally hands and feet lashed to the wheels) before the cannon was fired with obvious consequences.

It is rumoured that sometimes pig carcasses where placed in front of the cannon as well to offend Islamist sensibilities as they knew their body would end up getting mixed with that of the pig.

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