Cancer

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“Cancer took my son away. Thank god. ”

~ Jade Goody's Mum on on Cancer

“Prostate cancer took my sex friend away. Laugh Out Loud, Sad Face ”

~ Oscar Wilde on on Cancer

“Cancer is half as funny as Aids”

~ Frankie Boyle on on Cancer

“Twice a day keeps the docter away ”

~ Mike Taylor on on Prostate Cancer

Cancer has me in a headlock.... and i can't get out:

[edit] Cancer as a Disease

Cancer is rumoured to have originated in Africa, but some speculate it is actually just a mutated form of herpes. However, recent studies have confirmed that it in fact originated in Western Australia through bestiality between an Australian and a platypus.

Cancer is mainly composed of micromidgets in attack formation. These sadistic midgets take pleasure in entering your nasal passages, tearing apart your pancreas, and beating up your grandma. Yes, they are that sadistic. The midgets are often believed to be covered with fleas, hence their anger filled lifestyle.

[edit] Cancer origins

Cancer was originally created in 1900 by communism, In the War of "Terribly funny practical joking gone to far". It was originally used to cause unspeakable horror followed by death in weaklings, but through a Biological Warfare company known only as Christianity, the virus known as Cancer was transferred into humans, Whores, Octopuses, Bananas, Dwarves, LOLCats and Jade Goody.

Cancer will soon be in a world premiere of "What's infected Gilbert Grape?".

[edit] Cancer labeling systems for expensive equipment designed to find cancer

A seven year study at the California State University has revealed that equipment screening for cancer is the leading cause of people finding out they have cancer. As of May 2012, a label is to be placed on every piece of cancer screening in North America, informing people of what it can do.

[edit] The Cure

The Cure is a terrible band. They have nothing to do with Cancer at all. The only similarity between The Cure and Cancer is the urge to laugh hysterically when reminded of them.