User:Gosford-bogan/canberra
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Canberra (pronounced "KAN-bra". Know for its shit weather. Average winter temperature -17°C, average summer temperature 43°C) is the capital and biggest little city of Australia.The city was designed by a elderly British man to trap tourists in an arcane and diabolical web of roundabouts and eye-sores, commonly known as government buildings. Canberra is also the 27th Wonder of the World, famous for being one of the only two holes above the ground (second in size only to Adelaide, which comes in at #26). Canberran's are often found in the place of worship which consists of humping the metal sheep in civic chanting "EWWW ITS ELVIE ...".
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[edit] Introduction
Canberrans are the laughing stock of Australia, well known for their love of firecrackers, porn and many, many roundabouts. What is generally not known is the basic love for the Serbian people that all Canberrans share, although this has caused problems for the local Lesbian population who do not wish to be associated with them.
Canberra is a large inland fishing village inhabited by public servants and politicians. Australian ex-prime minister John (Hobbit) Howard was supposed to live in Canberra, but due to a chronic allergy to large boring suburbs (either that, or it's because his wife won't live in the same city as Kate Fischer's mum: but that may be a rumour that he himself started cause he has no life and wanted to have a bit of fun), he continued to live in Sydney at a place called Hillbilly House before jumping aboard The Fail Boat after spectacularly losing the election to Elmer Fudd in 2007. It is also home to the Australian Parliament, drawn by cartoonists for the daily papers, and many inbreds. All Canberrans can trace their origins back to Dom Walsh, Julia Gillard and the queen.
[edit] History
Canberra was originally discovered by viking seafarers who got really lost and decided that it would be too cold to settle here, they called it "Yggr" (Norse for terrible location)and quickly left the place where it remained undiscovered for a thousand years until it was rediscovered by Lord Whoopert Hairy Griffin who later noticed that the lake shared the same name as him. It was later founded by Lady Whoopert Hairy Griffin in 1901 who was found to actually be Lord Whoopert Hairy Griffin, This in turn made it the first city founded by a cross-dresser.
Initially Sydney and Melbourne both wanted to be the capital, reckoned a great honour by the local Gungans. It was then pointed out just how many new politicians and new public servants would be created, both immediately and projecting forward. The people changed their minds very quickly. It was a case of "no, you have it" and "get fucked, you have it". In the end Sydney and Melbourne couldn't agree about whether Townsville, Queensland, Shark Bay, Western Australia or Geelong, Victoria should be the national capital. (South Australia, it was thought, had suffered enough already.) They imported Hairy Griffin, a maize farmer from the American state of Illinois, and paid him tuppence to jump from a dirigible into a random location in the bush. There, in that random spot, would be the splendid capital of the new Australian nation. Despite the fact that the spot was haunted by the Aboriginal Tent Embassy, and several pot plantations.
The spot where Hairy Griffin landed -- on October 9, 1901 -- became the site now known as Canberra.
Eighteen years later, missionaries traveling through the bush stumbled upon a gigantic lake (Lake Hairy Griffin), wide planned boulevards, and short concrete government buildings (eye-sores). Canberra had arrived on the world scene. Soon, people other than Whoopert Hairy Griffin found themselves living there, too, and they found themselves just as bored as Hairy Griffin himself.
Griffin had built in various artistic touches to symbolize Australia. The streams diverted to flood a nice valley for Lake Hairy Griffin represented Australia's profligate and destructive water policies. And all traffic lights were banned, instead roundabouts were used, with cars just going around and around and around and around, symbolising the circular and essentially pointless nature of politics and by inference the city itself.
Canberra was built miles and miles inland and away from anything living to avoid fucking naval artillery. The great visionaries of Australia la di di la di da thought that military technological advancement would stop completely because everyone was a lazy stupid arse like them.
'To Live In Canberra One Must Be Constently Under The Influence Of Something'
The Canberra Tourism Bureau promotes Canberra as "One of the world's great cities". What's not well known though is the footnote they're obliged to add to each such brochure "* If you ignore all other world cities except Adelaide, which is a hole." That footnote came about after the Australian Competition Consumer Commission (ACCC) prosecuted them for a "misleading statement" under the Trade Practices Act (see Regina v CTB, Commonwealth law reports 1970). It was also misleading because 50 politicians, a mall and a kangaroo does not constitute a city by ISO standards. The presence of fireworks and shops for erotic material does help Canberra's case.
It is also a little known fact that Canberra is a twin city with Swindon, England. Swindon is also a hole and has a seriously weird roundabout.
If you are looking on this site for genuine information (you fool), then there is one thing you should do while in Canberra. Leave. But only AFTER you've droven around to see the Forrest mansions and bought some fireworks and other thing you dont need..like souvenirs from Canberra. How tragic.
[edit] Things to see and do
[edit] The (so called) National Museum
Built as a sop to the lefties by the Howard government, this travesty, this waste of space, is the so-called National Museum. Ranked as the #1 Hardest Thing to Find EVER*, and also affectionately known as 'That Big Ugly Thing').
Physically, it is a set of ugly, mismatched buildings surrounding a baking hot parking lot shaped (for some reason) like Arnhem Land, with metal spikes set into it for children to impale themselves on (true). Conceptually, it's built around themes invented by some art student: 'togetherness', 'thrill', 'passion', 'dookie', 'things I found under the couch', and a couple of others.
The So-Called National Museum stands on the site of an ancient Indian Burial Ground. Prior to the museum there used to be a public hospital there, but ranga Kate Carnell and the ACT Local Council symbolically demolished it, tragically killing a small child and their careers in the process. To this day a small gatering occurs on the anniversary of the "Implosion" for a party called the Katie "Bender". Lots of fun and it goes straight to peoples heads.
That National Museum may, in fact, be the finest and longest-lasting act of satire perpetrated by the Howard Government. And that's saying something
=== Garema Place and the Emo Farm === a load of shit u piens fucker :)
Garema Place is the most slum-like inhabitable area of Canberra, with 87% of Canberrans calling it home. Garema Place also contains the popular tourist attraction, the Emo Farm, where androgynous beings known as 'Emos' congregate, and the Slums. You may also find ugly st clare's girls here who are all stoned and are all emo. The Emos are often found in large numbers ,usually with a little chubby one called elvie who is always drunk, due to the fact that on their own they are weak, defenceless and often publicly flogged or pack-raped by footballers. Emos are usually kids from public schools who wish to rid themselves of that name, lesbian st clare's girls who dont have stable homes and want to get their unattending single parents attention by commiting self harm, and people who have no religion, who actually dont care what happens to them.
[edit] Parliament House
A classic feng-shui (pronounced fengh shite) "earth" building, also known affectionately as "the bunker". The result of heaps of committies. A fun game to play while visiting Parliament House is "Spot The Eyebrows" during question time, John Howard must be present. Parliament house is a hole...with really green grass.
As tacky as the Sydney Olympics, as a demonstration that we aussies can build wastefully big and expensive buildings too. Every floor tile is packed so full of8 arbitrary symbolism (more art student drivel), you'll spew.
[edit] The tent Embassey
A trip to Canberra is not complete without a trip to the tent embassey. The history of the tent embassey is shrouded in legend. Some say it was a place for tents around the world to be set up in a peacful envioronment, others say it was a protest by the tents so the would be recognised by the UN. Either way, The original message was lost when some gatecrashers took over the embassey and have never left (like that dude that no one really know who turns up at the party, drinks everyones beer and stays to the end and steals leftover drinks). The local inhabitants love it when people come and do burnouts in front as it is seen as a sign of respect.
The Tent Embassy is open 24-7 and is BYO.
[edit] Public transport
Your own pick up truck and fuel guzzling 4WD (the closest things to public transport you would ever get here).
[edit] What really you shouldn't do
Be sure to avoid Myke Carson; the recently overweight sloth who fucks underage girls in the bushes of Glebe Park. Rumor has it, his little penis has been inside Rachael Fisher and various pregnant sluts. He can be found receiving blowjobs in Glebe toilets, or sitting by the goon bag spewing non-sensical bullshit that 12 year old emo's will only care about.
Brooke, Bree and Diana Smith from MacKillop.
(all have the hep-alphabet)
Hang around any bus interchange as you will be beaten up by bogans from Eddies, rats, and dirty unwashed gangs who want your money, phones, pink shirts, wallets, soul, shoes and canadian $10's. you may also suffer a stabwound or two if you do not agree to give them everything you have.
Do't walk around civic and socialise with the emo kids, chances are you'll be so depressed that you'll want to turn emo. Its also not a good idea to socialise with other freak minority groups like the jealous st clare's lesbians who are all homo, jealous merici losers, telopea bogans they all have bad reputations in canberra and they will try and bring you down too. After hanging out with these tacky ganga's for a while, you will notice yourself wearing skanky tight little clothes that don't look good on you anyway, you may also notice your appearance might change as you will start to look like a feral prostitute wearing way too much makeup that doesnt actually improve your appearance. Seriously, these girls have no style at all, and being seen talking to them may make people actually hate you and say bad things about you. (*cough* crystal howel and Rachii Fisher)
You should go see Mr Squiggle at the National Film and Sound Archive, if Mr Squiggle is busy, call my friend the chigger.
Moreover, take a trip to Civic (City) to see the local Scene kids and goths flock around the eyesore sculpture the silver pillow, commonly referred to as the goon bag kids (as the pillow looks like a giant inflated goon bag. Goon bag kids should be beaten at every chance one has. (caution the goon bag is also kniwn to house a large junkie population)
There are also a lot of Public Servants (affectionately known as 'Pubes'), who you can annoy the hell out of, if you know their phone number. All you need to do is call them up around 6pm-7:30pm, and try to sell them a holiday in a thick Indian accent.
[edit] Parks and Gardens
Why are you even looking this up?!? The whole bloody city is a park!! You can't miss'em. Actually parks are becoming a rarity these days with so much construction of hack-up-job-buildings sprouting around it is hard to spot a tree in civic. Bold text
[edit] Kangaroos
The hills around and inside Canberra are infested with bloodthirsty kangaroos, who prey upon the defenseless residents mainly by leaping out in front of their cars. Motorcyclists, beware!
[edit] Bogans
Every year, bogans fly up from the south in their millions and die pitifully in the glare of the spotlights at Regatta Point and Pariament House. Annoying, but not dangerous.
Good eating, according to the Indians.
[edit] Industry
The principal industries in Canberra are politics, public service, prostitution, pyrotechnics,pot and pornography, the "Six Ps" as they're known there.
The disreputable nature of the first two cause considerable embarrassment to those in them. Most who are in politics will pretend they're in the public service. And in turn those in the public service will pretend they're in pornography (either porn distribution or the much smaller production industry if they're really trying to impress).
There is also money to be made out of minority groups and protestors who are hilarious to watch, as canberra is boring and they are different. People could watch them for hours and not get bored, now that is saying something.
At political gatherings it's common to see everyone going around saying, "Oh, I'm a pornographer, I just dabble in politics". This is reckoned hilarious by outsiders happening to visit, but taken as an insult by actual honest porn merchants.
When entering Canberra you will notice that there is no peak hour, and there is no people in general. Because of its high concentration of IT related business, it is also the Sea slug capital of Australia. This explains why almost the entire population of Canberra leaves for the holidays to go to the nearby beach Batemans bay (cos sea slugs like it there).
[edit] Hardly Notable Locations/Districts or whatever the fuck they're called
[edit] Belconnen
Attractions include a shopping centre full of shops you don't want to go to, and a "market" who's only service is to bombard you with the incomprehensible shouts of aging Italian men trying to intimidate you into buying fruit. Also has the largest bogan population in the city. Also notable is it's Bunnings warehouse, so large that it can house the entire town of Belconnen in which it is located, one day in hundreds of years to come, scientist will think that this was an ancient place of worship. Think of it as an anti-Tardis, with bogans and power tools.
There is also a nice skate park full of wonderful upstarts (if you go there and you arent a dero yourself, you will get stabbed). In canberra, bogans carry around theyre weapons thinking that everyone is out to get them. Paranoid? Ofcourse not. There are a million and one people wishing that they could smash up the faggot bogons in Canberra. Most of the canberra bogans a Eddies and Clare's 'guys' and 'girls' and merici desperate lezo's who get trashed every night. Typical bogan behaviour. The suburbs of outer belconnen (e.g. Notorious Higgy, Scompton, fraser, charn'ingle'wood etc) are known as the aussie version of the Bronxs. A good way to tell what area in Belconnen someone is from is by what colour their Flannelette shirt is.
Belconnen has a family of psuedobogans (Drugged out bogans as opposed to sort-of bogans)that go by the surname of Massey, They are proof that the gene-pool can be pissed in. They tend to hang around the Charnwood locale and stab anyone who gets in front of them at the chip shop. Whilst they are violent uneducated morons, they have somehow become "tough guys" on the Canberra crime scene who scare male drug dealers with the prospect of male on male rape.
Also steer caution as the "all-aboriginal" gang, "the kings" usually hang out in belconnen interchange and "Be H8t1n 0N D@ Wh1tE 8oy". The "Kings" are actually a family group (ie: tribe. Yes, that's right: a bona-fide aboriginal tribe. What a shame ther'e not off hunting the wallaby.) who cleverly use their last name as their gang name, this is so they do not forget it. The irony of their hobby, H8t1n 0N D@ Wh1tE 8oy, is that it further drives home the stereotype of them growing up to be lazy dole bludgers who make Charnwood what it is. You should note that the "Kings" are not a representation of the great Aboriginal people but rather an embarrasment. Aboriginals and white folk collectivly laugh with each other when the topic of the "Kings" comes up as neither side want responsibility for them and the American gangsters laughed their asses off whe the "Kings" were offered to them. Unbeknownst to the "Kings", racial harmony has broken out between Blacks and Whites due to a common dislike of this gang.
The Belconnen Mall, as it was once called, is surprisingly located in Belconnen and is a large shopping mall filled with fat men in electric wheelchairs and 12 year old girls pushing prams. It is located near a rather quaint and beautiful lake. That is, it would be quaint and beautiful if it were not filled with algae, weeds, dead swans, shopping trolleys and drowned emos from the nearby high school. Highlights of the Mall Calender include the XMAS Season Syncronised Suicide jumpers as they leap headfirst from the 3rd floor down to the centrestage during childrens phototime with Santa. This popular event started small a few years ago and now as many as four - five jumpers every season.
There are no wogs, gooks, spiks, blacks (apart from the kings), chinks, or any other foreign sort of person in Belconnen because it is against the law, and besides, they wouldn't be seen dead wearing ugg boots, tight black jeans and flannies.
People you will find in Belconnen:
- Too many Masseys
- The best weed dealers
- Employed people
- People who dont live at the tent embassey
- Charnie residents
- Radford students (those 2 scared to go 2 civic)
- Frannies "peeps", aka. the barry gang-bang
- 11 year olds seeing a 10:30am movie at Hoyts or having a birthday party at intencity.
- Anyone who's too scared to go to Civic in fear of being stabbed.
- Fat people who only go for the massive food court that takes up the whole top floor
- Wannabes and tryhards who stand around acting 'hard'. These people are those who dye their hair black, wear loads of fake (orange) tan and makeup are the wog wannabes (wogabees)who wish they were wog but are not. Those are the feral dirty ganga's of Canberra.
[edit] City Centre
Apart from the best shopping in the ACT, Civic has the best collection of clubs Canberra has to offer - which isn't saying a lot (i.e ICBM and Shooters). Saturday nights in civic are wog central. Although there are gangas, mostly bogans with no religion, who seem to flock to civic to be picked up aussie losers down the main street in civic in thier ugly done up cars checking out the 'hot' spots, picking up 12 year old these 'no-moral' aussie gangers from outside academy and taking them to the rabbit spot for some sex in the pants, because these girls dont care, they just wanna be 'cool' by giving guys what they want. They really lower themselves and no one thinks good of them anyway. The guys drive off later on in the night to do burnouts for no particular reason unless they actually want to get arrested, as the police are always in civic.
Civic is also know for the emo/scene-kid farm (i.e. the Goon Bag). If you happen to cross paths withs these freaks find an excuse to hit one or five of them. Don't worry they like pain, it represents the dark abyss that is their meaningless, pathetic lives, although these characters will usually suck you off in glebe toilets in exchange for drugs/goon/or nothing cause there complete whores. Civic is also the after school hangout spot for Merici lezbians, Lyneham High thugs and Dara douche bags.
Civic is also well known for its late night stabbings and muggings. To witness one of these, or to even be a part of it all, call your local travel agent and ask for a table at Mooseheads on a Saturday night. Be sure to wear a pink collared shirt and drink lots of beer to heighten the experience. Although mooseheads is slightly depressing because of the large number of drunk bogans who forgot how to be sober. Or just go to Glebe Park between the hours of 6pm and 4am.
Most people in Civic die from being stabbed or overwelmed by charity collectors. Some die simply from drug or/and alcohol abuse, while others die from getting pissed, climbing the roof of stage 88 and pretending its a bouncing castle but then unfortunately, fall 40 metres to their death.
Also if you want free jelly beans, visit the fountain where the blood bank collects blood from randoms who claim they're over 16 and free of AIDS. Another attraction is the homeless man known as "James", usually seen sitting under a tree outside the outdoor subway. He loves a chat.
[edit] Parliamentary Triangle
You came to see the monuments, democracy in action and all that? There it is. Now go home - we don't want you here. We have to read all the lies you put in your tax return every year, so we don't want to run into you around our workplaces.
Lake Hairy Griffin Ceremonial shopping trolley burial ground for the local people. Also used as toxic waste outlet and a murdered corpse dumping site. The Bureau of Made-Up Statistics reports that as many as all of Canberra's homeless population drown in the lake every 10 minutes. These people however, are never recovered due to the immense population of rather large carp that reside there. Also home to the great Canberra girls and boys Grammar rowing association. Stay away as the incredibly large muscles and schlongs may cause wetness with the chicks and many of the Marist and Eddies 'guys'.
[edit] Weston Creek
Weston Creek is where urban planners who have been bad spend eternity.
Rivett Commonly known by those that live there as "Rivetto the Ghetto" or simply, "The Ghetto". Home to such natural disasters as the SSC, IGC and LCC. The aforementioned are small gangs comprised of wiggers and wannabe wogs.
Everyone in Rivett takes drugs and all the houses look the same.
[edit] Woden
Well known for its Friday night wogs in WRXs and for being so boring that people go to Tuggeranong for a good time. Marist boys got banned form woden for getting in to many fights.
Most people in Canberra believe Woden to be somewhat like El Dorado or Shangri-La, not in that it is rich and beautiful, but moreso in that it is a fanciful bedtime story told to little children to warn them about taking drugs. Whether or not it really exists is still the subject of vigourous debate between archaelogists and anthropologists.
It is not known whether people actually die in Woden as no-one is actually sure that it exists.
O'Malley home of the north Korean Iraq Libyan and saudi Arabian embassies, over 70% of residents earn over $6000 a year (rich bastards)although most of them cannot speak proper English. Typical residents include doctors, the microsoft rep in canberra, and lawyers.
[edit] South Canberra
Forrest The rich and famous people of Canberra live in this exclusive suburb. Each home or 'mansion' is three or four stories high and all have massive gardens (this is because most of them are Embassies, dumbass). This is undoubtely the nicest and most flourishing suburb of Canberra, better than the hole that is parliament house. People who live in Forrest are; club owners, doctors, business owners, managers and builders.
[edit] Tuggeranong
Possibly the slummiest place in canberra. Full of bogans and tryhards who take drugs. Not recommended for anyone who is not used to the smell of marajuanna in shopping centres. This page is out of date. Gungahlin is now the slummiest place in Canberra.
Kambah Pool This is actually a section of bushland and river, showing the intelligence of the inhabitants of Kambah. It's sole purpose is for perverts and paedophiles to look at young girls and boys frolicking in the diseased waters.
[edit] Gungahlin
A real shithole. As ugly as Tuggeranong used to be, before the trees grew tall enough to mercifully conceal it. Divided into tiny plots of land by a government intent on raising as much money from urban infil as it possibly could, Gunghalin is mile after mile of townhouses each with a backyard about the size of a hotel bathtub and a clothesline apologetically strung across it.
[edit] Canberra High Schools
There is lot of rivalry in between schools. Much of it is the case of "All other schools vs. Canberra girls and boys Grammar vs. Radford", The other high schools in ol' Canberra include, but are not limited to due to the springing up of schools everywhere:
Campbell High is well-known for its fortunate northside placing, all the while being filled with poor bogans from NSW because its the only ACT school they can get into because no Canberrans want to go there. full of wannabe wog kids.
Alfed Deakin High, Stealing your urine since 1989.
Canberra High, A Fairly derelict school, note though, as it houses canberras biggest scene kid population and has given birth to some "famous" myspace whores. And they're proud sadly.
Kaleen High, where people get beaten up every other day, and fat kids and pyromaniacs roam wild and free, setting alight every tourist or piece of native fauna they find.
Radford College, the school for the kids that just want to go on the dole. also the place to get flashed by bogan skanks wearing really short skirts. Apart from that, radford is mediocre, although its probably not worth the amount you should pay to go to a school which has the same level of education as most other schools. Note also that the prime ministers son goes to Radford and while things do go down at Radford it is still a year behind publIc schools, also all the girls bang older guys.
Canberra Grammar Home of the only place in canberra where they all think their getting an education, well thats if their education consists of bludging through high school, then whinging to there pretentious stuck up manuka homed parents asking them to spoon feed them through life. Most of the try-hard bogans can be found at this school, but as they are all rich stuck up stobs, they horribly fail at trying to be bogans. Full of over grown boys (that desperatly need a shave) who think they can pick up chicks, when half of those girls turn lesbian after dating these hopeless kisses that call them selves the boys of grammar. You can commonly find these strange animals in manuka after school as they run their eyes up and down other school students thinking there better then any of them because they go to grammar? If you dont meet up to their "high" scores at this tries-to-hard-to-be-the-best school you will usually be kicked out or expelled. Now wonder why would you wanna go to a school that kicks you out if you dont meet up to their high scores, give up, you know you'll never be as good as Radford's scores, no matter how many infested try hard bogans you may kick out. Thinking that their ehh 'buff' rugby team will get them through this school, horribly fails as unluckily 90% of the rugby teams brains will never be as big as their bodies, bunch of meat heads who think bashing someone senseless should be the way to solve something, too bad for their tiny brains that they know no other way. As the rest of the schools in canberra laugh when Grammar think that pimples and scoonry bodies is a sign of being the hottest in any canberra school, being of course another sign of the most pathetic boys school in canberra..AKA Canberra Boys Grammar. They recently changed the colour of the schools uniform from sick-brown to sick-blue, what a wonderful change, too bad it looks just as shit as the old uniform.
Telopea Park High, Where they teach you to get eating disorders, and where you're sure to find your future hairy french whore. Kids at this school all believe they are better then anyone else from any other public school in Canberra, but don't be suprised to enter the girls toilets and see half the school in there smoking dope or having sex. Telopea is were Emo Elvie was bred. There are 2 stand-out man whores at this school, who have no respect for women. It all works out though, as the telopea girls have no respect for themselves anyhow. This school also has a high number of try hard emo/scene kids, determined to break free of the tryhard-private-school environment. It doesn't work; other students laugh as they congregate at the back of the oval to smoke pot and cry. You're also able to find the bogans and sluts in year 10 [trying to live up to the present-day year 11s at bundah, who are a story in themselves]; year 9 where some actually give a shit and that's their downfall; year 8 where, hilariously enough, the new generation of bogan sluts (yes, a mix!) belongs. If you listen carefully, you can hear their squeaky cries of "im gonna bash youse!" echoing across the northern suburbs. Year 7 does not deserve mentioning. Except that they are all midgets.
Daramalan College, where wogs go to become thugs and girls go to become sluts. After graduting, boths groups generally excel at both. Known for acting like part of the private school club while Eddies, Marist, Grammar and Radford all ignore them.
Kambah High, it died long before closing.
Canberra Girls' Grammar School There is nothing to say about this school as it's so boring, as are its plain jane students.
Belconnen High, Many a slut here that will suck you off for a ciggarette, also housing canhberras second biggest scene-kid population.
Lyneham High, The only school in Canberra where the buildings are older than the teachers, with the exception of Rainforth who's been the local resident for the past 100 years. All to drunk and stoned to realise it's an actual school and not a place of drugfucks
Marist, The only school in the world that has a high mix of fags and redneck kids, but suck at everything else, built on false pretences that they are good at football and canoe polo (but LT made that last one up it isn't actually a sport at all). All Marist students are in dire need of a haircut and many believe that they are the reincarnation of that guy from the Doors. They are also obsessed with drawing dicks everywhere they complain that boobs and vagina's are too hard to draw, but we know the real reason.
Merici College aka. Mer-root-me, no body really cares about this school.. they're all lesbian gangas..and most have herpes... boys i would be getting your ding dong checked out..
Mackillop College, which supplies you with a sub-standard public education for a private school's price; there is the wanniassa campus and the isabella campus: both equally lame.
Melrose High, A prime example of the ACT Governments ability to turn landfill into a quality education; a quality education almost rivalling that of Alfred Deakin. A good place for under aged smoking and Gayfuck sex.
Copland College, foundly known as Dopeland. A hole. Recently became a hole with $6,000,000. Also known for female teachers flashing male students.
Stromlo High, the only school in Australia (barring any school in the western suburbs of sydney) fucked up enough to re-name recess to smoko. fuck why cant every school have smokos like every reccess stromlo. RYAN D
To the apparent " Smoker" this is appealing... The very educational institutions that were founded on the precepts that one may acquaire knowledge in the earnest expectation that one may be of substance has clearly diminished! What a travesty of ministerial position. The subjective that creates a precedence. Allan Sothi- Canberra
St Clares aka. Skank Clares, enough said. Most are pregnant or have just gone through the abortion stage. STI's roam this school.
Tuggeranong College, nonreligious bums that have no goal in life.
St Edmunds where imports beat up the nerds and the fobs all flock to - the next Samoa The headmaster speaks too slowly. This school is so good at footy they got banned from the Warratah Shield because they held it for 20 years. The school is run by "Souf Side" crew, a bunch of teens who mistook Canberra for Harlem. Play footy but can't do anything else. A typical quote would be "I would bash you skull up, but me promise daddy I wouldn't punch no-one 'cause I would kill them".
Lake Ginninderra College, This school is a bludge tha only thing 2 do iz find a root, smoke weed or drink goon all day everyday.
Narrabundah College, where unwashed drug-fuelled bohemian communists get their exposure to sunlight, and international students have a place to ignore all the whiteys and squander their hong kong triad trust fund on sky lines and menthol cigarettes.
Erindale College, the destination for the 3/4 of Canberra students whose only skills are kicking balls. They didn't make it into any other colleges.
Canberra College, The home of druggies, losers, and bums who sneak in for a shower. Students often occupy Woden bus interchange and stab anyone around. seen around this school are numerious and mysterious "Zac G was here" signs.
Chisholm High, a ghetto where every kid who goes there owns a gun they are obsessed with the word cunt and think they are good at league when they suck.
Hawker College, nothing to do at this school but start smokeing, deal drugs and hold burnout comps in the student carpark.
Dickson College - educating canberras bogans since 1962. The high school was almost closed a few years ago but luckily was saved by some ex-Lyneham high students who felt sorry for the school. They now realise what type of bad mistake they did and most Lyneham students now try to get into bundah.
St. Francis Xavier College (as seen on youtube) - Known for its great number of wanna-be wogs [they just like doing acronyms on bebo] while only having one true wog, and for the insane amount of girls in college that will never sleep with you and the insane number of year 10's that will and are generally good at it. Lots of innapropriate teachers touching children incidents.
Burgmann College - Do nothing all day except except fuck each other really. They have more people on the waiting list than actually IN the school. And no becuase you kids live in Gungahlin doesnt make you cool, just fucktards. Seriously who lives out there? No one.
Trinity- The defintion of the oxymoron; pompous dirtbags.
Amaroo School- A hole, it makes all other schools look good. It's like a Nazi Concentration Camp mixed with a kindergarten. The principal, Ms Huard has good pot though. Unfortunately, it also houses such mentally retarded people as Zoran Dodgenoski, and its only well known alumni is Stephanie Visintin, the prostitute with the heart of dog feces.
[edit] Parking
There is nowhere left in the city for workers to park anymore due to some bright spark deciding to build these hack-up-job-buildings on every car park in sight. What parking is left (not to mention the joke that they call Canberra public transport) is obviously of such a high quality standard that the government decided to charge exorbitant amounts of money to park next to any work site. The parking prices are comparable to Sydney except that people actually want to live in Sydney. The local government thought it important to provide another disincentive to live in Canberra because it wasn't crap enough already.
But if you come from out of town and don't have a Canberra driving licence or rego, paying for parking is optional. If you get a parking fine and don't pay, they ban you from driving in Canberra - but who cares, cos it's only a couple of acres and why would you want to go there again anyway?
If you own a Toyota the only way to park is to say "Hello" to Mr. Rudd in Chinese, bring three eyes of a cat, sit on the flagpole at Parliament House and pray to the Japanese that you get your knitted sweater.
[edit] See Also
Half_way_between_Melbourne_and_Sydney
[edit] Summary assessment of content
Average age of authors: 16 Average IQ of authors: 200 Originality: 1 out of 10 Humour: off the bottom of the scale Wit: non-life threatening Spite: > pH 1 This used to be a really funny article until people started making it personal. Oh well, give it time and this page will disappear again.
