Canadian DnD

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Canadian DnD is a variation of the American paper and pencil RPG (role playing game) DnD (Dungeons and Dragons). The main differences in the game are the addition and subtraction of certain monsters from the monster manual, the fact that all the text has been translated into the Canadian language (or as it is sometimes known, Hoserian), and that it uses metric dice. Also, one of the player characters must be a moose. The other players have the privilege of making fully-functioning adventurers, but one unlucky character must play as a moose. He counts as a 10 hit-dice moose with the ability to speak common, moose, elk, and cariboo. On the plus side, the other players have to buy him coffee and doughnuts at every opportunity.

Many bloody battles have erupted in Canada due to disputes over who has to be the moose. Some more notable ones are the Canadian Dungeon Massacre of 1876 and the 1969 Moose March. Eventually, a few crafty DM's began playing the meese as DM characters, but they were soon discovered and struck down by a seal.

Players in a Canadian DnD game typically act as "impartial" arbitors between other players and the monsters. The other players think of the Canadians as 'like us', while the monsters think of the Canadians as 'harmless', 'easily intimidated', and 'smelling slightly of bacon'. Experience Points are awarded to the Canadians for 'peacefully settling the dungeon dispute'. A most coveted magic item is a "+3 Quill of Peace Treaty Signing Including Moose Class, Orks, Elves and Mops. No additional Equipment Included, Size May Vary, Side effects include: Headache, Stomache, Loss of Tooth, Bone Breakage, Death and Turning into the Moose". Occasionally, if a certain wish is made and granted by a certain dragon, one will be sucked into a real-life game of Canadian Dungeons and Dragons. It's impossible to get out of these games, because this information is only found on a certain floppy which someone "accidentally" threw in the wash.

In Canadian DnD clerics do not exist, rather they have a class called Prime Minister, who can call upon the powers of Parliament to summon peace. This is only possible if the Prime Minister has had maple syrup in the last 24.76 hours. Another difference is that the game must be played in an igloo. If you do not conform to these rules then you are made to say, "Eh!" in the metric language 3 times in the freezing cold.


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