Canadia

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
m (Reverted edit(s) of 208.103.252.101 (talk) to last version by 50.82.73.68)
Line 50: Line 50:
 
|- style="vertical-align: top;"
 
|- style="vertical-align: top;"
 
| '''[[Language|Official languages]]'''
 
| '''[[Language|Official languages]]'''
| French, English, and Canadilese
+
| French, English, Russian, Eskimo and Canadilese
 
|- style="vertical-align: top;"
 
|- style="vertical-align: top;"
 
| '''[[Government]]'''
 
| '''[[Government]]'''

Revision as of 01:13, April 1, 2013

Canadian flag Blame it on Canada
We know those crazy canucks are somehow connected to this. Well...not really...but we blame everything on Canada anyways.
Canadia2 Edited by A Canadianian
This article has been mofo, edited, niggered, at, found on a Google search for, or boned by an inhabitant of Canadia. It must be assumed to be biased. Therefore, leave it perfectly alone. Or else the entire country of Canadia will fight you. Well, you could probably take them. BUT THEY COULD MILDLY ANNOY YOU! And those beavers, they could bite ya man. Oh, what about them mooses there? Big ass sons of bitches, eh. Don't mess with 'em.
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Celine Dion?
The Land of Canadia
Canadia, the Land of Good Times, and better at everything than that bastard Canada
Canadia
Canadia2 Canadia arms
(Flag)
Motto: Well, this doesn't look anything like I expected! There's no flannel wearing hockey loving rednecks! Ohhh, I see, this is Canadia. Yeah, i like it here
Anthem: Canadia the Pitiful
CANADA FINAL
Capital Canadia City, Man made island
Previous capital Los Angeles
Largest city Sherbrooke...It straddles the border of Canada and Canadia
Official languages French, English, Russian, Eskimo and Canadilese
Government Communist
 -Slacker in Chief Chuck
President Beowulf
Vice President Darth Vader
Prime Minister Marilyn Manson
Motherfucking princess Avril Lavigne
National Hero(es) Geo,Your Mother, Dudley Do-right
Declaration
Currency Peso, Euro
Religion Atheist,Humanist,Agnostic,Darwinist
Population 180 quadrillion people is the total population..wait...a pierogi famine is happening. Okay, nevermind. Population: 12 people good people
Area North
Major exports Anything good found in Canada was exported to them from Canadia
Major imports Heat
National animal The Limping Tasty Buffalo. It was extinct 2 days after being put on Earth
Favourite pastime Poking Canadians
Opening hours Chuck was supposed to be on that...


“Canadia exists? Well, slap my ass and call me a walrus! I'm serious. DO IT!”
“Communist torism is attracking many tourists to pierogies covering all of the land”
~ God on Canadia

Canadia, or The Revenge of the Great White North Returns, God's Brothel, The Land Down Under, and Buttslapping Land, is a large North American Country. It is north of America, and, in fact, is in the same place as Canada.

But that's where the similarities end. Canadia is SO much cooler than Canada. Think of Canadia and Canada as the Olsen Twins. One's more boring, safe, sensitive, and likes maple syrup. The other is wild, partying, crazy, fun-loving, and loves maple syrup, also. Canada is the first, Canadia comes second. I don't remember which twin is which, I just think of them as 2 anorexic washed-up actresses with decent jugs. And, instead of "eh?", they say "bajunga?".Crime is legal, and in fact enforced, in Canadia - so that you're thrown in prison for three years every time that you aren't committing a crime.


Canadia Does Exist

That's why it's better than Canada. It exists. Canada now does not exist.

The Word Canadiaians Say the most

Bitch. Beer! Yep. Eh. I. To. Hockey. Bajunga. And beavers.

Geography

Canada-ItsUpThere

Where Canadia is and Canada appears to be, but it sucks, so it isn't

Leslie-nielsen

The Head of the Canadian Army

Canadia is a country occupying most Middle Earth, extending from the magic wardrobe to hogwarts. It is the world's second largest hotel by total area. Canadia and the U.S. share the world's longest hot dog. Canadia is the US's hat. It is right next to Alaska. Canadia, unlike Canada, is not covered in a giant mass of beavers. It's moose in Canadia. Which is worse, considering the horns constantly violate people, unless, of course, you are gay, then you would love it. But the rest of us DO NOT. Thus, germ warfare techniques are being used on the those horrible things that violate us but, in a disturbing way, feels oh so right. A drug is soon to be released into the country that kills all moose and caribou. The geoograpy of Canadia was altered significantly by The North American War, which ended up giving Canadians the ability to walk from Canadia to Mexico without having to eat at one of those burger places that exsist in America, or whatever the hell they are called, I don't know.

Various Diversity!

There is none. From end to end, the geography is the same

Right Side

Is on the left side

Slightly Left of the Right Side

Is North

Left of the Left of the Right Side, but not Quite Exactly Centered

Is actually in another dimension (But, then again, what part of Canada OR Canadia isn't?)

Northish

Is bananas

Politics

Canadia is a communist country because perogies and most over foods have gobbled up and household was to low for people and people started fighting.Perogies cost 1234567890.12 Canadian $s for good people and 0.0 Canadian $ for bad people.Nothing but people being killed by Britney Spears.The population as of January 232008 is 1239 and 1230 communists that or bad peolp that.The war started because Canada did not have a lot of people and to boring. All the political systems in the world have been combined in Canadia, under one umbrella government. From the Communists to Theology (Canadiaians basing some of their laws on scientology for their hatred of Xenu), to a republic, for the ability to elect morons to high power position, the Canadiaian Government is a veritable cacophony of idiocy and bad ideals that don't work together, only devisable by Canadiaians.Canadia won it's independence from Canada and Canada was taken over by.A city in Manitoba called Communist City was established on January 92008 because the revolution starde.And next day the war.The president is Britney Spears.She became president since independence like all over Canadian politics and made Canadia a communist republic and she is from the Communist Party like all Canadian politics.

Canadiaian's elections use the Texas System, where, once every four years, a name of a random citizen is drawn out of a hat. This has it's downsides, since sometimes a complete moron gets elected. Check that, since ALMOST ALWAYS a complete moron gets elected. So, it IS actually better than most systems, where a complete moron ALWAYS, without fail gets elected. Canadiaians are reluctant to change, despite a child being elected 44 out of the last 50 times, which explains why Canadia was called Poopieworld for 3 straight decades, and then Titland when Prime Awesomer Joey turned into Prime Awesomer Joseph.

The current party in place, the Frat Party, is Led by the partying Prime Awesomer Dudemeister. There is somewhat of a scandal going on, but Dudemeister has agreed to stop bringing black hookers to staff meetings if his staff will stop "bringing the party down". From now on, he'll only bring white hookers.

Prime Awesomer Dudemeister and his Government are not all about partying, these are some of the bills they have passed:

  • The Canadian Act, saying that all Canadians are pussies that won;t fight
  • The Waffles Bill, proclaiming that waffles be mandatory in the diet of all Canadiaians
  • The Britney Spears Act, confiscating all marijuana in Canadia and delivering it to an undisclosed location somewhere in...

Canadia has an interesting history of foreign politics. Since 1947, the Canadiaian border with Norwegia has been hotly debated. Norwegia's claim to the eastern coast of North America was no longer recognized by the Canadiaians after the formation of the United State of Texas. For many years, Norwegiaian spies have infiltrated the Canadianian postal service and have been undermining the delivery of letters. The Canadiaian government has promised to combat this dire threat, but as of 2004 no progress has been made in identifying the spies.

Map

The North American Union is fast becoming a reality, to save the collapsed superpower of the former USA and the disputed borders in the West Coast (Baja Canada, but doesn't go through the Cascades).

New canada

Education, bajunga?

There is none. Although, most Canadiaians are naturally smart, so they don't need it, unlike those dumbass sissies, the Canadians. And any who do, beat up Canadians kids and take their textbooks.

Economy

The economy of Canadia relies on one simple fact: Canadians are idiots. No one ever works in Canadia, because Canadians mistakenly send all of their goods to Canadia, thinking it's a typo. Thus, Canadianians can export all of Canada's goods for a profit. And Canadians, being the stupid pussies they are, will simply not believe anybody who realizes what is actually going on, believing that the world is full of kind-hearted people. Fools.

Anybody who actually works robs Canadian tourists for a living.

Canadianians use the Mockey, a brightly colored paper money with the words "Exsorbeo Nostrum Gallus, Canada" scrolled across the front, and a picture of a banana on the other side (We're not sure why.)


Imports

  • Note* Sadly, beaten good people don't know the differencec between 'imports' & 'exports'. It's like in & out. Forward & backwards. Quite simple. Fortunately, smart Canadianinas have edited this section. And Dicks like to suck people

Cities

  • money
  • education
  • sexyness
  • lolcats
  • lots of other stuff we can't make ourselves, on account of it being damn cold.
  • Hoe town

Exports

  • Guns
  • Bombs
  • War
  • Violence
  • Strict Eduction
  • Ugly overpriced Asian hookers
  • maple sugar
  • the weed
  • poutine
  • Kraft Dinner
  • Maple Beer
  • cold water products -
  • snow (both plain and yellow)
  • ice (excluding vanilla)
  • Your Mom
  • hockey
  • Viagra
  • Cheap Mexican Women
  • Hillary Clinton action figures
  • Extreme Herpies
  • Broccolli Ghonerrea

Climate

Nihilism

Photograph of typical Canadian winter.

There are 7 seasons in Canadia, making it at least 3 times better than Canada -

  • The Fall of Penis: Lasts until ya grow one
  • Winter: lasts forever
  • The Step Outside: Where it is slightly less cold, and Canadianians venture outside one foot, then rush back in.
  • Adaptation: Canadianians run outside and skip, whistle, and play many-a-game
  • Food: Everybody searches for meals to last them the winter, as they did last Food
  • High: Where a thick "fog" covers the country, and everyone gets a little drowsy and stares at their hands for an extended amount of time, before getting the munchies and eating all the food they saved up for the winter. The Canadianians then mate with whoever they can find, resulting in many pregnancies, other STDS, and preaches from the Moral Majority.
  • Chase: Everybody squeals and runs back inside as soon as they can, seeing the huge wall of white quickly approaching, showing winter is here. Those who do not make it are presumably killed, and ushered into the land where everything decays and rots, Canada. Having eaten their food supply, the Canadianians are forced to become cannibals.

People

Canadianians prefer to be called "Buds", "Fargies", "Hoserbeaters", and "Analrapists." The latter is a historical term, having nothing to do with the act of raping someone anally.

Education

People have to be in schools of doom expect bad peolple.

Black people are rare in Canadia, therefore they go to a separate but equal school, spoken in their language known as "we be ebonics" and to preserve their culture in a socially engineered diverse (but unassimilated) mosaic we call a "people". MulticulturalismeKanadia.

Quebec schools are weird, they divided it into four kinds: French Catholic (en francais sil vous plait...now!), English Catholic (not overcrowded, usually Irish folks), English Protestant (it's like the ivy league full of WASPs in uniforms) and French Protestant (full of smoking, drinking, swearing and no need to confess your sins).

French Canadians like education, so they go to night school to take French, and get a "B"!

Cheech and Chong are byproducts of the Canadian American public education system, man.

Wanna get high? Head over to VJ (Van-maria-Juana) and get some weed.

Language

Klingon

le Hol vo' Canadia 'oH Elvish 'ej tlhIngan

Elvish

I' lammen en' Canadia is Elvish" ar' Klingon

Canadilese

Etie lagunies pipico Canadia ferng Queso, Froggy, alla Canadienesely

Rape

A new language on the market that they're teaching children at school. R. Kelly is the world's most renowned speaker of this language. "So I herd U lyke mudkipz" is said to originate from rape, but R. Kelly was busy tutoring a 15 year old girl and could not shed light on the subject.

Tourism

“I'm a typical old white guy Canadian snowbird in Scottsdale, Arizona...it has less humidity than in Latinophone "Cubanquois" Miami! .”
~ Canadian Pinhead on Wintering Tourism

There is now its all gone do to the war.

However, they do still hold festivals and carnivals and what not, for no reason immediately apparent to anybody, except to get drunk off cider and make out with a drifter behind the tilt-o-whirl. One of their most famous festivals is the Dancing Nude festival, open only to women. Men seem to be drawn to it, despite Bog Bertha winning every year. There's then the lesser know Stuffed Monkey Humping Fair, always won by Crazy Nelly Furtado who lives in a foil tent.

And watch Canada's greatest zingre Celine Dion with opening acts by Canadian prog-rock geniuses Rush and Journey perform LIVE in their own version of Branson in the Tim Horton's Le Royale Asse Paine Indian Reserve casino resort in the Windsor, Nunav00t.

Quebecsnow
Countries and territories of North America
America: United States of America | Confederate States of America
Canada: Canada | Canadia | People's Republic of Canada | Canada States
Everyone else: Awesome land | Not So Awesome Land | Barbados | Cuba | Dominican Republic | Haiti | Jamaica | Mexico | Tortuga | Trinidad and Tobago
Dependencies
Acadia | Bermuda Triangle | Duchy of Björk | British Virgin Islands | Caribbean | Cayman Islands | Greenland | Gulf of Mexico | Martinique | Monkey Island | Orgasm | Pen Island | St. Pierre and Miquelon | Puerto Rico | Québec | Tropico | U.S. Virgin Islands | Wikiland
Personal tools
projects