Wheeling Jesuit University/Buildings/Campion/McHugh

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Campion/McHugh is an (mostly) all-male dorm on Wheeling Jesuit University's campus. Some of its illustrious residents include male strippers, lacrosse players and their lacrossetitutes, potheads, common criminals, and occassionally, a decent human being.

edit History

Originally, Campion/McHugh was simply known as "McHugh". It was the single male dormitory on campus, named after the legendary marksman Saliziti "Skeet Shot" McHugh, who was a sniper for the Black Assassins. Before it became a dormitory, it was known as a catacomb for Wheeling College's heroes of old - legend says that some remains of Insanius may still be found there. Many of the Dschinghis Khan Protectorate's greatest sultans lie in marble tombs within McHugh. Due to expansion needs, McHugh was converted into a dormitory in 1506; although incidences of homoeroticism were present from the very beginning, they happened infrequently enough that they could be ignored. It was burnt down and rebuilt once in 1557, when one of the residents dared a roommate to set his beard on fire.

As Wheeling Jesuit University began to grow, the need for more dorm space was becoming a pressing concern. Io the Invincible, the president of the university at the time, realised that his "freedom homes" were not working, as the cardboard boxes kept blowing away in the fall and were improperly insulated in the winter. He thus initiated the construction of a new building, which he would name "Campion", after Charles Campion, the founder of Campion Taxidermy, West Virginia. The plans were laid out and construction began right away.

Unfortunately, due to a mathematical oversight on Io the Invincible's part, the building was placed too close to McHugh. Io considered demolishing McHugh, but his parakeet advisor warned him that doing so would anger the spirits of the Protectorate's deceased sultans. Thus, Io allowed construction to continue, and the buildings merged. The point at which McHugh and Campion join is known as the Vortex of Pain, which is often compared to Ignatius Hall's Vortex of Suck.

More recently, the building has been unofficially dubbed "Camphugh" by the university's lazier students. This unpronuncable shortening is widely ridiculed by most serious students.

The leadership of WJU's Own Tom ended forcefully after the WJU Administration compelled the enlightened servant of God to graduate in the summer of 2006. Regarding this forced termination of office, Tom referred to Residence Life as "a bunch of fairies".

edit Architecture

Campion/McHugh employs an old style of Soviet architecture that guarantees that the building is free from any personality whatsoever. Cavernous cinderblock hallways and narrow stairwells also provide a feeling of claustrophobia for all residents. The rooms are barely large enough to swing a hamster, although the current record for most number of students in a Campion/McHugh room at one time remains at 55, and has been unbroken for several years now.

One of the positive aspects is the years of lead paint used to cover stains, of various origins, and to generally tie in mismatched furniture dumped there when it is no longer capable of being used by the rest of the civilised world. The paint will allow the building, and the students/animals housed therein, to survive limited exposure to a radioactive source.

Another source of interest is the catacombs beneath the building. While they are nominally used for the boilers that supply the heat to the building as well as the circuit boxes, there is a more sinister aspect to these underground levels. The Black Assassins who run the school needed a place to keep people who required a more aggressive kind of "education." Now from what can be discerned, taken from the sworn testimony of those pour souls who survived a day down there, the place is very well guarded and has many small "storage" rooms. It is rumored that Jimmy Hoffa may even been a resident there. Use of these underground facilities has trailed off somewhat in recent years.

edit Facilities

Several facilities found in Campion/McHugh ensure that living in it makes for a unique experience:

  • Self-aware heating and cooling: Campion/McHugh is one of the few buildings in the state that employs Japanese "thinking" machines. Unfortunately, given the age of the structure, these machines tend to be rather cranky, and often punish students with too much or too little heat and cold for no apparent reason.
  • Laundry facilities: There are no laundry facilities in Campion/McHugh since it is a male dorm and males do not ever do their laundry.
  • Direct gateway to Hell: Self-explanatory.
  • Public showers: Self-explanatory.
  • Trans-dimensional portal: AKA Campion Front Door. The portal has been out of order for some years now and despite an attempt at reactivation by the guardian units of one of the residents, the portal has remained sealed since The Stallitron V Incident.

edit WJU Dorms

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