Cake

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[[Cake]] is the always delicious way out of any [[dilemma]].
 
[[Cake]] is the always delicious way out of any [[dilemma]].
   
A dilemma is defined as a situation in which [[you have two cows|you have two choices]] and you find yourself too much of a pussy to take either of them without suffering mental trauma. Philosophers have long ago realized, however, that a third option is always available<ref>This is the first and only example of a time in which philosophers have been useful as far as real people are concerned. The reason for this is that you are reading Uncyclopedia, and therefore everything on this page is a blatant lie.</ref>, vis:
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A dilemma is defined as a situation in which [[you have two cows|you have two choices]] and you find yourself too much of a pussy to take either of them without suffering mental trauma. Philosophers have long ago realized, however, that a third option is always available<ref>This is the first and only example of a time in which philosophers have been useful, as far as real people are concerned.</ref> viz:
   
 
''Dilemma: To be or not to be?''
 
''Dilemma: To be or not to be?''
  +
#Be.
  +
#Not be.
  +
#Cake.
   
1. Be.
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Many experts use this exact same approach to prove that [[Hamlet]] was an idiot.
 
2. Not be.
 
 
3. Cake.
 
 
 
This has been verified by many authorities as being conclusive evidence that [[Hamlet]] was an idiot.
 
 
   
 
==The dilemma of action or inaction==
 
==The dilemma of action or inaction==
In the run up to [[World War II]], [[Winston Churchill]] was faced with a dilemma:
+
In the run-up to [[World War II]], [[Winston Churchill]] was faced with a dilemma:
   
 
1. Appease [[Hitler]] and POSSIBLY avoid a disastrous war
 
1. Appease [[Hitler]] and POSSIBLY avoid a disastrous war
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==Special qualities of cake==
 
==Special qualities of cake==
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[[Image:oneplusone.JPG|thumb|200px|Mathematical proof that you [[fnord|can]] have your cake and eat it.]]
 
''Cake'' is a binary quality, that is, something is either cake or it is not cake.
 
''Cake'' is a binary quality, that is, something is either cake or it is not cake.
   
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When viewed in this way, all but the simplest computer programs become obsolete.
 
When viewed in this way, all but the simplest computer programs become obsolete.
[[Image:oneplusone.JPG|thumb|200px|Mathematical proof that you [[fnord|can]] have your cake and eat it.]]
 
   
 
Most other things are not binary qualities, especially not [[love]]. This makes cake infinitely preferable to almost anything in the world.
 
Most other things are not binary qualities, especially not [[love]]. This makes cake infinitely preferable to almost anything in the world.
 
==Dilemma: Wit or Random Humour?==
 
 
1. Write a [[Random Humour]] style article. You need use no brain cells, and at least ''you'' find it funny. You won't get banned.
 
 
2. Write a witty article. You get to use brain cells, but still, no-one else will find it funny, and you'll probably get banned.
 
 
3. Look at porn.
 
 
4. This has nothing to do with cake.
 
   
 
==Footnotes==
 
==Footnotes==
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[[ja:ケーキ]]
 
[[ja:ケーキ]]
 
[[Category:Not real]]
 
[[Category:Not real]]
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[[zh:蛋糕]]

Latest revision as of 02:18, February 26, 2014

Cake

Always delicious. Never complicated. Just cake.

Cake is the always delicious way out of any dilemma.

A dilemma is defined as a situation in which you have two choices and you find yourself too much of a pussy to take either of them without suffering mental trauma. Philosophers have long ago realized, however, that a third option is always available[1] viz:

Dilemma: To be or not to be?

  1. Be.
  2. Not be.
  3. Cake.

Many experts use this exact same approach to prove that Hamlet was an idiot.

edit The dilemma of action or inaction

In the run-up to World War II, Winston Churchill was faced with a dilemma:

1. Appease Hitler and POSSIBLY avoid a disastrous war

and

2. Fight Hitler and certainly have a disastrous war, and on top of that maybe not win.

Churchill forgot number three...

3. Cake.

edit The dilemma of being a romantic or a playboy

1. Go for a single girl and risk having your heart broken

2. Go for many girls and get lots of sex but no emotional fulfillment

3. Cake.

edit The dilemma of eating healthy vegetables or delicious cake

1. Eat vegetables and become healthier

2. Eat cake and get fat, but enjoy eating

3. Cake.

edit Special qualities of cake

Oneplusone

Mathematical proof that you can have your cake and eat it.

Cake is a binary quality, that is, something is either cake or it is not cake.

Here is a table to help you decifer binary code in terms of cake:

1 = Cake.

0 = No cake.

2 = No No cake.

When viewed in this way, all but the simplest computer programs become obsolete.

Most other things are not binary qualities, especially not love. This makes cake infinitely preferable to almost anything in the world.

edit Footnotes

  1. This is the first and only example of a time in which philosophers have been useful, as far as real people are concerned.
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