CBD

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Common Brick Disease or CBD is a disease of roadscapes and shopping precincts. It can range from simple civic beautification projects to the full-blown mall derivative.

edit Initial Stages of the Disease

In the early stages, roads and streets may develop fancy pavements constructed from brick but it is not known how these outbreaks begin. A common theory relates to an infestation of council workers however, these parasites are known only to rest on shovels and/or take cups of tea from small tents which may appear in the early onset of CBD

Sometimes the road may develop other symptoms such as traffic islands, pedestrian refuges or zebra crossings. These are a more serious set of symptoms and every effort must be taken to avoid contamination of surrounding streets.

edit Raised Platforms

Unlike other strains of road disease, CBD has the tendency to move fairly rapidly. After various Stage 1 symptoms show, traffic speeds will have fallen. Without regular traffic over the street, it moves into Stage 2. This is generally the appearance of raised platforms either in the guise of pedestrian crossings or in some cases where islands have been erected, parking lay-bys.

At this point the street may also develop PMS, or Parking Meter Syndrome. This may send even parked cars off the street thus lowering traffic flow even further. In conjunction with raised platforms, traffic diversions may follow. It is at this point that the disease has taken hold.

edit Green Cages and Final Stages

Like other forms of disease, green cages may start to appear on the sides of the street. Traffic may be forced into One Way flows or worse completely halted.

After traffic flows have ceased, the raised platforms denoting the extend of the disease start to sprout retractable bollards. The red bricks themselves start to fill in the rest of the street until finally, the green cages disappear and the street is entirely closed to traffic.

Once CBD has taken hold, other infections like gardening and fountains may begin. Generally parking around the infestation will have gone up in price and other streets may develop PMS.


Personal tools
projects