CBBC

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CBBC Logo

The CBBC logo (circa 1966).

CBBC is the brand name for the BBC's propoganda channel aimed at the under 20s. The service was launched 67 years after World War I, on 11th November 1985.

edit Origins

CBBC

An earlier CBBC Logo.

The BBC realised that there was no output for mothers, the unemployed or young children and accordingly created Bill and Ben the flower pot men. After 50 years of continuous broadcasting it was decided that children should be given a short 2 hour slot of programmes after school in the 80s.

edit The 90's

The 1990's were a year when comedians such as Bobby Davro and Mike McClean rose to prominence, and also a decade of great children's television (according to housebound 24-year-olds although thay had arthur). All of the brooms were taken out of a utility room and a few monitors, children's pictures, a gas lift chair, desk and Betacam were set up in it. This was to become the Broom Cupboard, and it was where Andi Peters was forced to introduce the programmes such as 'Get Your Michelin Star Back' (this was later revived on Channel 4 as 'Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares') and 'Bodger & Gopher'. Andi's prison guard was a puppet duck called Edd who clearly called all the shots. 1997 saw CBBC move to 'Studio 9', a room in which obsessive Paul Young fans were stored during his performances. The biggest star of CBBC has to be 'Otis the Aardvark' a ferocious sexual deviant who flirted with stand-up comedians from North East England and made sh*te jokes. Unfortunatley, he was later demoted to the BBC canteen as he wasn't to clash with American-imported cartoon 'Arthur'. In an interview with the Daily Express, he said "The little bastard looks nothing like me."

edit Today

The BBC realised that they could create a channel showing repeats of children's programmes from 7am to 7pm every day and created CBBC to rival American tosh like Nickelodeon and Disney. In keeping with their values of forcing prisoners to work and using animals as guard dogs a dog called Hacker frequently sits next to presenters ensuring that they continue to read government propoganda and ask children to partake in their jolly japes such as sending in pictures of lamposts and made up words and shopping tax dodgers.

Preenters such as Aaron Craze (convicted for manslaughter after 12 people followed his Rude Boy recipe) joined CBBC to show children that even if you look pretty fit the beak can still sentance you to hard CBBC. Once presenters have had their mind and will completely broken they are transferred to CBeebies and forced to wash Justin Fletcher.

In between hacker the dog's orders to the watching public and prisoners / presenters the channel shows educational and uplifting shows such as Roy where a cartoon struggles to fit in with an irish community and is forced to seek asylum; Tracey Beaker and Rocket's island where children in care are abused for the amusement of the public and most disturbingly of all Scooby Doo Mystery Inc where the characters address real issues faced by teenage kids such as how to tell your Mum you might be pregnant whilst setting a trap for a voodoo conjured monster.

Sadly Shaun the Sheep tried to speak out against the brainwashing, propoganda and forced labour. The next day Aaron Craze demonstrated how to cook mutton. RIP Shaun.

BRAINONDRUGS

Lunch as prepared by Aaron Craze and James Martin.


edit Popular Programmes

Deadly 60 - former train robber is forced to swim with sharks and wrestle with crocodiles whilst telling children to buy the BBC's magazines.

The Slammer - fly on the wall documentary showing CBBC presenters in their natural environment (prison)

Scooby Doo Mystery Inc - Scooby Doo gets modern and looks at the emotional upset caused by love triangles involving a dog

Junior Bake Off - James Martin is forced to cook a child each week

Young Dracula - exploring common teenage issues such as bloody sucking and Dads who want to kill you

Wolf Blood - everyday life on the Isle of Man

edit Typical schedule

Daily Schedule Programme Description Would kids watch it?
2:30am Television K (Presented by our good friend Jezza Clarkson) Probably asleep.
6:30am Bogies! (presented by John Sweeney) Yeah
7:00am Mock The Week Kids (presented by Frankie Boyle, with what promised to be a clean version of the adult programme. He then proceeded to make jokes about HIV, Stephen Hawking and Scotland Possibly...
7:30am The Likeaballs. Yes.
7:45am Jakers - This is an example of a show that should be on the baby version. If you are a Toddler, yes.
9:30am Mother Ted (The story of Ted Hamble - loving father by day - crossdresser by night) Totally!
10:00am The Story of Tracy Beaker (DOUBLE BILL) (a programme which depicts life in a children's home down to a T, except for the parts where foodfights break out and the staff are shouted at. In my day, you'd have got a severe bollocking for that). Tweens will.
10:30am Get 100 (A programme where you have to answer really hard questions to win a BBC goody bag) Definetly!
11:00am Horrid Henry (Where the BBC hack into CITV's transmission) If you love adverts then yeah!
15:35pm Ed and Oucho (Where a man talks to a puppet and who don't have a life and say funny jokes) If you have a sad life then yeah.
16:00pm Pounded (When a man named Hound stops incredibly stupid gaming geeks named MuHaHaHa and Steve from taking over my house.) If you love Google then yeah!
18:00pm Me an' mah Monstas (Features 3 monsters. Haggis, an obese thing, Fiend, a man in a crappy monster costume and Norman what a stupid name.) Err...maybe not...
20:00pm Father Ted (Features 3 priests: One is sensible. Another acts like an idiot. His IQ happens to be 20. The last one likes, Drinks, Girls, Arses and saying Feck.) Yep.

edit Other Shows (See: Nobody Cares)

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