Butter knife

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“I can't use it!”

~ The sun on butter knives

A butter knife is a knife made from butter. As knives go it's okay as long as you keep it very cold. Freezing is a good start, but in order to keep it's shape it needs to be much, much colder. Butter knives have been used as long as people have been harnessing the raw power of winter to form knifelike apparatuses for your breakfastly needs.

Contents 1 How to make a butter knife 2 History of the butter knife 3 Uses of a butter knife 4 Advantages of a butter knife 5 Disadvantages

[edit] How to make a butter knife

Making a butter knife is a long and arduous process that is better left to your local factory.

[edit] History of the butter knife

Waaaay back before the Bronze Age, there is no evidence of butter implements being used. However, we are sure that the cavemen used butter knives of a rudimentary design. Unfortunately for archaeologists, global warming of the earth over the past few thousand years has caused all ancient butter knives to melt. All that is left are a few knife-shaped grease stains. I wish people would stop warming their bloody globals, it's causing untold damage.

We do know that the Neanderthals used butter spears to kill their prey, and butter arrows and quivers were used in the middle ages. Evidence for this has been found in the European Butter Mountains.

[edit] Uses of a butter knife

• Useful for cutting softer butter.
• For buttering toast when you can't find a knife.
• For buttering toast when you are short of butter (n.b. only to be used in emergencies as it's rather detrimental to the knife).
• For buttering someone up.

[edit] Advantages of a butter knife

• Can be smuggled past metal detectors for illegal buttering of toast on planes.
• Sharper than jelly knives.
• Good for cutting butter beer.
• Delicious and good for you.
• Safe for young children.
• Also safe for old children.

[edit] Disadvantages

• Delicious — tends to get eaten.
• Constant sharpening required on a hard butter file.
• Loses tensile strength if the temperature goes above 200°C.
• More expensive than a margarine knife.
• It's difficult to buy a matching butter fork.
• Not useful for breaking glass in case of emergency.
• Contains 110% rendered animal grease.
• Will not Let you run faster.
• will summon a grue!
• Can only be used by a level fifty blue mage.