Butter

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{{Whoops|Butters}}
{{Whoops|Michael Moore}}
 
{{Q|Betty Botter bought a bit of butter. But the bit of butter Betty Botter bought was a bit bitter. So Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter. And the bit of better butter Betty Botter bought was a bit better than the bit of bitta--bit--COCK!!|Oscar Wilde on butter}}
 
{{Q|I can't believe it!|Unknown|the fact that it's not butter. Who didn't see that one coming.}}
 
{{Q| It's my secret ingredient... in bed!| [[Paula Dean]] on butter}}
 
{{Q|YUM!|Bread on butter}}
 
<center>
 
{| style="padding: 0px; background-color: #FDE3D4; border: solid 1px #B19F95"
 
|[[Image:0826deena350x400.jpg|85px]]
 
|<center><br>''Paula Deen'' says...this article needs [[butter|TWO STICKS OF BUTTER!!!]] ''<br>''You can make it tastier by adding [{{SERVER}}{{localurl:{{NAMESPACE}}:{{PAGENAME}}|action=edit}} more Country Cooking]''.
 
|}[[Category:Stub]]</center><noinclude></center>
 
{{butter}}
 
   
'''Butter''' is the bastard offspring of [[margarine]] and [[lard]] and is considered to be the best thing since sliced bread. It was first discovered (or perhaps found then gorged upon) by [[Paula Dean]] on April 8, [[1826]]. Butter has the unique property of being a non-metallic [[magnet]] - it can attract any unwanted object to itself which explains why there is always [[crumbs]], [[fluff]] or Paula Dean's face in your butter. This property also explains the [[science]] behind why [[toast]] will always fall butter side down. For many years [[alchemist|alchemists]] have unsuccessfully tried to recreate this property. It is the sun screen of choice in American beaches. [[Image:Believepng.png|thumb|right|....And god said, let there be butter, and let that butter be safe for the lactose intolerant of the world, and then, there was butter. God tested and found there was no lactose at all, so he shared the butter on to the good earth.
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[[Image:Believepng.png|thumb|right|250px|...and on the 8th day, God said, let there be butter. And '''it was good'''.]]
   
Amen]]
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<choose>
  +
<option>{{Q|I love Love LOVE Butter! I love the sexy scent, I love what it does for my skin! I love how it keeps my body warm during the cold winter months!|Michael Moore|butter}}</option>
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<option>{{Wilde|It's the best love-making lubricant I have ever experienced.|butter}}</option>
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<option>{{Q|YUM!|Bacon|butter}}</option>
  +
</choose>
   
== Appearance ==
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'''Butter''' is extracted straight from the nut of the western [[Africa]]n Butter Tree fruit, and is considered by many to be the best thing since sliced bread and dancing [[midget]]s. The Story behind butter is a fascinating, cannibalistic tale of love, remorse, and most importantly, lemon poppyseed [[muffin]]s.
GIrls use butter for lube so big worm fit lol
 
Butter has a yellowish off-white hue and has a greasy libidinous sheen, with just a tinge of [[Operation!|Cardiac Arrest]]. Chris Farley's arteries were disected and analyzed post-mortem, and, sure enough, the room began to smell of butter. A blood sample showed fat cells where there should have been red blood cells, leading some to believe this was the cause of death.
 
In the girl nice and deep
 
   
== History ==
 
   
The Story behind butter is fascinating and possibly, for [[midgets]], a cannibalistic tale about love, remorse, and most importantly, lemon poppyseed [[muffin]]s.
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==Holiest of oleos==
It all began with a [[feud]] between [[Joan Fabrics]] and [[Bed Bath and Beyond]]. The two raging franchises had been good family friends until the Corn-Cob war of 1877, when [[Eric Clapton]] and [[Kathy Griffin]] had too much to drink at a [[frat party]]. It started with a couple [[beers]]. Then they moved on to Hard Liquor, and eventually made there way to a combination of [[Drain-O]] and [[Cheese Whiz]]. They got into a heated argument about who was the first one to draw with [[crayons]] This quickly started up a formal debate monitored by a [[Baby|monkey in a bear suit]]. The two started stating there points and gained support by [[Microsoft|local businesses]], but those businesses were later taken over by large scale companies, and [[Obama|mole people]]. Thus, the feud between [[Joan Fabrics]] and [[Bed Bath and Beyond]] had begun.
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If you were to believe everything you read or hear in the media, you’d think that the pat of butter on your baked potato would take an immediate detour from your stomach and head straight to your aorta. Yet recent scientific studies show that butter's bad reputation is actually quite undeserved.It is important to remember that every cell in our body needs fat, and that butter can be a cornerstone of good health. Our brain and hormones rely on butter to function. Butter supports our immune system, fights disease, and protects our liver. Butter promotes clear skin and healthy hair, regulates our digestive system, and leaves us feeling sated after a meal. Butter is the body’s preferred fuel, providing us with more than twice the amount of energy as the same quantity of carbohydrates and protein. It also helps the body absorb nutrients like calcium and the essential vitamins M, I, L, and K.
Unknown to both companies, the cast of Happy Days were doing an inside [[job]] for the [[Baby|monkey in a bear suit]]. They were gathering information on a top secret [[formula]] for something that they called "buether,"(from the Latin root "ether" meaning Crazy Potion) that was being created by [[Bed Bath and Beyond]], but after many bad service [[cell phone]] calls to t.v. crews across [[America]], The word was misinterpreted and was called "butter." This "butter" was being created for the many [[soldiers]] [[Bed Bath and Beyond]] was using in the feud. It was theorized that this butter was able to increase standard man's fat tenfold. This was very useful since all feuds back then were settled by [[Sumo Wrestling]], and occasionally, [[The Biggest Loser|Reality Game Shows]]. The feud still continues today, even though butter is available to the general population.
 
[[Image:Hotdog.PNG|thumb|right|I love the taste of butter with my hot dog. Wait a minute...is that mustard? I was told this was butter! You goddamn hack artists tricked me again! Listen to me when I am talking to you! Listen to me!]]
 
   
== Butter ==
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[[Image:ButterBuddha.jpg|thumb|right|Similar to Western religion's [[Cheese Jesus]], Eastern religion worshippers have the sacred condiment '''Buddha Butter.''']]
There is no such thing as butter; this is a [[conspiracy]] popularized by [[Oprah]] as an excuse for her to eat whole sticks of butter.
 
If you really want butter,then Tough!
 
   
== Real Butter ==
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{{cquote|'''There is no such thing as too much butter.''' <ref>"There is no such thing as too much butter" was a [[conspiracy]] popularized by [[Oprah]] as an excuse for her to eat whole sticks of the stuff.</ref>}}
Real butter is extracted straight from the breast of the butter beast. The Butter Beast is a viscous and deadly herbivore but its meat is a rare delicacy to the Ethiopians of Ethiopia.
 
   
Real butter, is for real men, and fat ladies. Real butter, is the drink of champions.
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The word butter comes from the term butterophagous, which means "booty-full" in Greek, and some scholars argue that this same word would serve as inspiration for the hit song ''Bootylicious''. Through the centuries, butter has become so well liked, it can be a sin to eat it on certain days. During the Middle Ages it was one of the foods banned during Lent, so popes and people who liked butter on fast days had to buy special dispensations from the church, and the church used the money to build the "Butter Tower" of the Rouen Cathedral.
   
Under no circumstances should you go near butter if you are a thin lady.
+
The ancient Hebrews referred to butter throughout the Old Testament, making the Bible the first major published documentation of the art of butter making. Naturally, one would presume that in four thousand years there has been considerable improvement in the manufacture of butter, although in reality it has remained unchanged for centuries. Butter is made by churning, plain and simple, and if you need to know more about the butter-making process you should probably go [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buttered_cat_paradox back to wikipedia].
   
== States of matter ==
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== Better butter uses ==
* Butter is the solid state of the semi-common liquid [[olive oil]].
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Butter is best used for all forms of massages, as it creates a frictionless surface allowing for the smoothest and most therapeutic deep tissue work. <ref>Warming up butter by placing between the palms will result in a creamier and smoother application - ENJOY!</ref> It is an excellent base for the addition of essential oils, and it is a key ingredient in the most reputable name-brand beauty products and soaps. Even so, the use of real butter in place of [[margarine]] and [[lard]] in household beauty produts has only recently gained popularity in the United States. Butter can also be used as a hair dressing to moisturize dry scalps and stimulate hair growth, as a pomade to help hold a hairstyle, or to lightly relax curls. You can even use it your car engine in place of motor oil for improved performance, plus you get to drive around all day with that fresh-baked smell!
* The gaseous state of this element has not yet been discovered.
 
* [[Bacon fat]] is commonly mistaken to be the [[masculine]] version of butter.
 
* Butter is not, and should never be attempted to used as, a [[sex]] toy. It only will invite disaster.
 
* The effects of butter on [[Mikhail Gorbachev]] have been well documented in the timeless Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Harlequin-romance novel classic ''"The Bible."''
 
* Butter can be applied to freshly-made toast, and after doing so, it will change into [[buttertoast]] state.
 
*Most members of the [[insect]] family contain butter, except for the zorange, an 8-ft. [[cockroach]] that stalks in the night and rhymes with [[orange]]
 
   
==Disambiguation==
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We have recorded uses of butter as early as 2,000 years before Christ. Not only has it been regarded from time immemorial as a food fit for the gods, but its use appears to have been divinely recommended and its users promised certain immunities against evil. <ref>To dream of eating fresh, golden butter, is a sign of good health and plans well carried out; it will bring unto you possessions, wealth and knowledge.</ref> According to ancient references carved in stone and inscribed on cavern walls, butter was used not only in cooking, but in medicine, cosmetics and even sacrificial worship rituals. The most famous of these rituals (circa 1500 BC) is intended to be held in praise of butter, and includes a ritualistic throwing of the golden substance into fire. Here is an excerpt from the hymn that is chanted during the ceremony:
'''Butter''' is also the slang term for a [[goat]].
 
<p> ButterFactoryLane is an Australian Aboriginal word meaning Place of the Bitter Heart.
 
   
== butter is butter ==
+
[[Image:Hotdog.PNG|thumb|right|Who the hell puts butter on a...Wait a minute...This article is about butter! You goddamn hack artists, isn't this picture supposed to be on the '''[[mustard]] page?''']]
it is good and fattening but good
 
   
== See Also ==
+
<i>
* [[Mustard]]
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:"Tongue of the gods," "navel of immortality;"
  +
:We will proclaim the name of Butter.
  +
:These waves of Butter flow like gazelles before the hunter...
  +
:Spewing, the fire, loves them and is satisfied. <ref>'''[http://www.wikihow.com/Play-%22I-Love-Butter-So-Much...%22 How much do you love butter? ]''' - Play the popular game.</ref>
  +
</i>
  +
  +
===Other uses===
  +
*Anti-wrinkle and stretch mark cream on the face and body
  +
*Softening hands, elbows, the soles of the feet, and fortifying cuticles and nails
  +
*Shoved directly into the nostrils as a nasal decongestant
  +
  +
== See also ==
  +
* [[I Can't Believe It's Not Butter]]
 
* [[Margarine]]
 
* [[Margarine]]
 
* [[Popcorn]]
 
* [[Popcorn]]
* [[RAM]]
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* [[Butters]]
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==References==
* [[Josh Groban]]
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<references/>
* [[Mongoloid Butter]]
 
* [[I Can't Believe It's Not Butter]]
 
* [[Bill Cosby]]
 
* [[Pam]]
 
* [[Your Mom]]
 
   
 
{{Tasty}}
 
{{Tasty}}
   
[[category: dairy]][[category: conspiracies]][[category:Not A Sex Toy]]
+
[[category: dairy]]
  +
[[category: conspiracies]]
  +
[[category:Not A Sex Toy]]
 
[[category:Condiments]]
 
[[category:Condiments]]
 
[[fr:Beurre]]
 
[[fr:Beurre]]
butter is butter
 

Revision as of 07:57, December 1, 2009

Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Butters?
Believepng
...and on the 8th day, God said, let there be butter. And it was good.
“YUM!”
~ Bacon on butter

Butter is extracted straight from the nut of the western African Butter Tree fruit, and is considered by many to be the best thing since sliced bread and dancing midgets. The Story behind butter is a fascinating, cannibalistic tale of love, remorse, and most importantly, lemon poppyseed muffins.


Holiest of oleos

If you were to believe everything you read or hear in the media, you’d think that the pat of butter on your baked potato would take an immediate detour from your stomach and head straight to your aorta. Yet recent scientific studies show that butter's bad reputation is actually quite undeserved.It is important to remember that every cell in our body needs fat, and that butter can be a cornerstone of good health. Our brain and hormones rely on butter to function. Butter supports our immune system, fights disease, and protects our liver. Butter promotes clear skin and healthy hair, regulates our digestive system, and leaves us feeling sated after a meal. Butter is the body’s preferred fuel, providing us with more than twice the amount of energy as the same quantity of carbohydrates and protein. It also helps the body absorb nutrients like calcium and the essential vitamins M, I, L, and K.

ButterBuddha
Similar to Western religion's Cheese Jesus, Eastern religion worshippers have the sacred condiment Buddha Butter.
Cquote1 There is no such thing as too much butter. [1] Cquote2

The word butter comes from the term butterophagous, which means "booty-full" in Greek, and some scholars argue that this same word would serve as inspiration for the hit song Bootylicious. Through the centuries, butter has become so well liked, it can be a sin to eat it on certain days. During the Middle Ages it was one of the foods banned during Lent, so popes and people who liked butter on fast days had to buy special dispensations from the church, and the church used the money to build the "Butter Tower" of the Rouen Cathedral.

The ancient Hebrews referred to butter throughout the Old Testament, making the Bible the first major published documentation of the art of butter making. Naturally, one would presume that in four thousand years there has been considerable improvement in the manufacture of butter, although in reality it has remained unchanged for centuries. Butter is made by churning, plain and simple, and if you need to know more about the butter-making process you should probably go back to wikipedia.

Better butter uses

Butter is best used for all forms of massages, as it creates a frictionless surface allowing for the smoothest and most therapeutic deep tissue work. [2] It is an excellent base for the addition of essential oils, and it is a key ingredient in the most reputable name-brand beauty products and soaps. Even so, the use of real butter in place of margarine and lard in household beauty produts has only recently gained popularity in the United States. Butter can also be used as a hair dressing to moisturize dry scalps and stimulate hair growth, as a pomade to help hold a hairstyle, or to lightly relax curls. You can even use it your car engine in place of motor oil for improved performance, plus you get to drive around all day with that fresh-baked smell!

We have recorded uses of butter as early as 2,000 years before Christ. Not only has it been regarded from time immemorial as a food fit for the gods, but its use appears to have been divinely recommended and its users promised certain immunities against evil. [3] According to ancient references carved in stone and inscribed on cavern walls, butter was used not only in cooking, but in medicine, cosmetics and even sacrificial worship rituals. The most famous of these rituals (circa 1500 BC) is intended to be held in praise of butter, and includes a ritualistic throwing of the golden substance into fire. Here is an excerpt from the hymn that is chanted during the ceremony:

Hotdog
Who the hell puts butter on a...Wait a minute...This article is about butter! You goddamn hack artists, isn't this picture supposed to be on the mustard page?

"Tongue of the gods," "navel of immortality;"
We will proclaim the name of Butter.
These waves of Butter flow like gazelles before the hunter...
Spewing, the fire, loves them and is satisfied. [4]

Other uses

  • Anti-wrinkle and stretch mark cream on the face and body
  • Softening hands, elbows, the soles of the feet, and fortifying cuticles and nails
  • Shoved directly into the nostrils as a nasal decongestant

See also

References

  1. "There is no such thing as too much butter" was a conspiracy popularized by Oprah as an excuse for her to eat whole sticks of the stuff.
  2. Warming up butter by placing between the palms will result in a creamier and smoother application - ENJOY!
  3. To dream of eating fresh, golden butter, is a sign of good health and plans well carried out; it will bring unto you possessions, wealth and knowledge.
  4. How much do you love butter? - Play the popular game.
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