Butter

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{{Whoops|Amazing}}
{{Whoops|Michael Moore}}
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[[Image:Believepng.png|thumb|right|215px|...and on the 8th day, God said, let there be butter. And '''it was good'''.]]
{{Q|Betty Botter bought a bit of butter. But the bit of butter Betty Botter bought was a bit bitter. So Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter. And the bit of better butter Betty Botter bought was a bit better than the bit of bitta--bit--COCK!!|Oscar Wilde on butter}}
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{{Q|I can't believe it!|Unknown|the fact that it's not butter. Who didn't see that one coming.}}
 
{{Q| It's my secret ingredient... in bed!| [[Paula Dean]] on butter}}
 
{{Q|YUM!|Bread on butter}}
 
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{| style="padding: 0px; background-color: #FDE3D4; border: solid 1px #B19F95"
 
|[[Image:0826deena350x400.jpg|85px]]
 
|<center><br>''Paula Deen'' says...this article needs [[butter|TWO STICKS OF BUTTER!!!]] ''<br>''You can make it tastier by adding [{{SERVER}}{{localurl:{{NAMESPACE}}:{{PAGENAME}}|action=edit}} more Country Cooking]''.
 
|}[[Category:Stub]]</center><noinclude></center>
 
{{butter}}
 
   
'''Butter''' is the bastard offspring of [[margarine]] and [[lard]] and is considered to be the best thing since sliced bread. It was first discovered (or perhaps found then gorged upon) by [[Paula Dean]] on April 8, [[1826]]. Butter has the unique property of being a non-metallic [[magnet]] - it can attract any unwanted object to itself which explains why there is always [[crumbs]], [[fluff]] or Paula Dean's face in your butter. This property also explains the [[science]] behind why [[toast]] will always fall butter side down. For many years [[alchemist|alchemists]] have unsuccessfully tried to recreate this property. It is the sun screen of choice in American beaches. [[Image:Believepng.png|thumb|right|....And god said, let there be butter, and let that butter be safe for the lactose intolerant of the world, and then, there was butter. God tested and found there was no lactose at all, so he shared the butter on to the good earth.
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{{Q|I love Love LOVE Butter! I love the sexy scent, I love what it does for my skin! I love how it keeps my body warm during the cold winter months!|Michael Moore|butter}}
  +
{{Wilde|It's the best love-making lubricant I have ever experienced.|butter}}
  +
{{Q|YUM!|Bacon|butter}}
   
Amen]]
+
'''Butter''' comes from the oil extracted straight from the nut of the western [[Africa]]n Butter Tree fruit; churned by the hands of skilled craftsman into a solid golden substance that can best be described in one word: <big style="font-family: cursive">Delicious</big>. Although when applied (consumed or otherwise used) in large quantities it can make one incredibly obese and/or disgustingly oily, butter is considered by many [[Paula Dean|Southern cooking enthusiasts]] to be the best thing since sliced bread, Texas toast, and dancing [[midget]]s. The story behind butter is a fascinating, inspirational tale of worship, sacrifice, and most importantly, lemon poppyseed [[muffin]]s.
   
== Appearance ==
 
GIrls use butter for lube so big worm fit lol
 
Butter has a yellowish off-white hue and has a greasy libidinous sheen, with just a tinge of [[Operation!|Cardiac Arrest]]. Chris Farley's arteries were disected and analyzed post-mortem, and, sure enough, the room began to smell of butter. A blood sample showed fat cells where there should have been red blood cells, leading some to believe this was the cause of death.
 
In the girl nice and deep
 
   
== History ==
+
==Holiest of Oleos==
  +
If you were to believe everything you read or hear in the media, you’d think that the pat of butter on your baked potato would take an immediate detour from your stomach and head straight to your aorta. Yet recent scientific studies show that butter's bad reputation is actually quite undeserved. It is important to remember that every cell in our body needs fat, and butter can be a cornerstone of good health. Our brain and hormones rely on butter to function. It supports our immune system, fights disease, and may even hold the cure to [[cancer]]. Butter promotes clear skin and healthy hair, regulates our digestive system, and leaves us feeling sated after a meal. It is the body’s preferred fuel, providing us with more than twice the amount of energy as the same quantity of carbohydrates and protein. Butter also helps the body absorb nutrients like calcium and the essential vitamins M, I, L, and [[K]].
   
The Story behind butter is fascinating and possibly, for [[midgets]], a cannibalistic tale about love, remorse, and most importantly, lemon poppyseed [[muffin]]s.
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The word butter comes from the term [[booty|butterophagous]], which means "booty-full" in Greek, and some scholars argue that this same word would serve as inspiration for the hit song ''Bootylicious''. Through the centuries, butter has become so well liked, it can be a sin to eat it on certain days. During the [[Middle Ages]] it was one of the foods banned during Lent, so [[Pope|popes]] and people who liked butter on fast days had to buy special dispensations from the church, and they used the money to build the "[[The Phallic School of Architecture|Butter Cathedral]]" of [[Rome]] (which later melted during the epic eruption of the Santorini volcano).
It all began with a [[feud]] between [[Joan Fabrics]] and [[Bed Bath and Beyond]]. The two raging franchises had been good family friends until the Corn-Cob war of 1877, when [[Eric Clapton]] and [[Kathy Griffin]] had too much to drink at a [[frat party]]. It started with a couple [[beers]]. Then they moved on to Hard Liquor, and eventually made there way to a combination of [[Drain-O]] and [[Cheese Whiz]]. They got into a heated argument about who was the first one to draw with [[crayons]] This quickly started up a formal debate monitored by a [[Baby|monkey in a bear suit]]. The two started stating there points and gained support by [[Microsoft|local businesses]], but those businesses were later taken over by large scale companies, and [[Obama|mole people]]. Thus, the feud between [[Joan Fabrics]] and [[Bed Bath and Beyond]] had begun.
 
Unknown to both companies, the cast of Happy Days were doing an inside [[job]] for the [[Baby|monkey in a bear suit]]. They were gathering information on a top secret [[formula]] for something that they called "buether,"(from the Latin root "ether" meaning Crazy Potion) that was being created by [[Bed Bath and Beyond]], but after many bad service [[cell phone]] calls to t.v. crews across [[America]], The word was misinterpreted and was called "butter." This "butter" was being created for the many [[soldiers]] [[Bed Bath and Beyond]] was using in the feud. It was theorized that this butter was able to increase standard man's fat tenfold. This was very useful since all feuds back then were settled by [[Sumo Wrestling]], and occasionally, [[The Biggest Loser|Reality Game Shows]]. The feud still continues today, even though butter is available to the general population.
 
[[Image:Hotdog.PNG|thumb|right|I love the taste of butter with my hot dog. Wait a minute...is that mustard? I was told this was butter! You goddamn hack artists tricked me again! Listen to me when I am talking to you! Listen to me!]]
 
   
== Butter ==
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[[Image:ButterBuddha.jpg|thumb|right|Similar to Western religion's [[Cheese Jesus]], Eastern religion worshippers have the sacred condiment '''Buddha Butter.''']]
There is no such thing as butter; this is a [[conspiracy]] popularized by [[Oprah]] as an excuse for her to eat whole sticks of butter.
 
If you really want butter,then Tough!
 
   
== Real Butter ==
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{{cquote|'''There is no such thing as too much butter.''' <ref>"There is no such thing as too much butter" was a [[conspiracy]] popularized by [[Paula Dean]] as an excuse for her to eat whole sticks of the stuff.</ref>}}
Real butter is extracted straight from the breast of the butter beast. The Butter Beast is a viscous and deadly herbivore but its meat is a rare delicacy to the Ethiopians of Ethiopia.
 
   
Real butter, is for real men, and fat ladies. Real butter, is the drink of champions.
+
The ancient [[Jew|Hebrew]]s referred to butter throughout the Old Testament, making the Bible the first major published documentation of the art of butter-making. Naturally, one would presume that in four thousand years there would have been considerable improvement in the manufacture of butter, although in reality it has remained unchanged for centuries. Butter is made by churning, plain and simple, and if you need to know more about the butter-making process you should probably go [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buttered_cat_paradox back to Wikipedia].
   
Under no circumstances should you go near butter if you are a thin lady.
+
Butter is the single most popular golden liquid in the world. In some countries it is considered sacred, and many cultures believe butter represents generosity, obstinate intellect, and unruly emotions. It was written that the great almighty [[Zeus]] himself, upon falling in love with a beautiful white [[cow|heifer]], changed shape into a well-endowed bull in order to mount his mortal lover. Once Zeus had consummated the affair with his precious cow, waves of golden melted butter sprayed from his gigantic bovine [[Penis|penis]]. Hence, in both [[Greek]] and [[Roman]] mythology, butter is a symbol of semen.<sup class="noprint">&#91;[[Uncyclopedia:Accuracy#Cite Your Sources or Die|''You can't make that kind of stuff up'']]&#93;</sup>
   
== States of matter ==
+
== Better Butter Uses ==
* Butter is the solid state of the semi-common liquid [[olive oil]].
+
We have recorded uses of butter as early as 2,000 years before Christ. <ref>To dream of eating fresh, golden butter, is a sign of good health and plans well carried out; it will bring unto you possessions, wealth and knowledge.</ref> Not only has it been regarded from time immemorial as a [[sausage fest|food fit for the gods]], but its use appears to have been divinely recommended and its users promised certain immunities against evil. According to ancient Hittite references carved in stone and inscribed on cavern walls, butter was used not only in cooking, but in medicine, cosmetics and has even been the object of later [[Mormons|Mormon]]-[[Catholic]] worship. Their most famous rituals (circa 1500 BC) were intended to be held in praise of butter, and included a sacrificial throwing of the golden substance into fire. Here is an excerpt from the hymn that was chanted during the ceremony:
* The gaseous state of this element has not yet been discovered.
 
* [[Bacon fat]] is commonly mistaken to be the [[masculine]] version of butter.
 
* Butter is not, and should never be attempted to used as, a [[sex]] toy. It only will invite disaster.
 
* The effects of butter on [[Mikhail Gorbachev]] have been well documented in the timeless Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Harlequin-romance novel classic ''"The Bible."''
 
* Butter can be applied to freshly-made toast, and after doing so, it will change into [[buttertoast]] state.
 
*Most members of the [[insect]] family contain butter, except for the zorange, an 8-ft. [[cockroach]] that stalks in the night and rhymes with [[orange]]
 
   
==Disambiguation==
+
<i>
'''Butter''' is also the slang term for a [[goat]].
+
:"Goddess of wine," "elixer of immortality;"
<p> ButterFactoryLane is an Australian Aboriginal word meaning Place of the Bitter Heart.
+
:It is the most precious substance,
  +
:Provided by the [[peanut|holiest nut]] on earth.
  +
:We will proclaim the name of Butter!
  +
</i>
   
== butter is butter ==
+
Later during the ritual, the sacrilegious bowl of butter was slowly poured into the altar fire as this portion of the hymn is recited:
it is good and fattening but good
 
   
== See Also ==
+
<i>
* [[Mustard]]
+
:These waves of Butter flow like gazelles before the hunter...
* [[Margarine]]
+
:Spewing, the fire loves them and is satisfied.
  +
</i>
  +
  +
Butter is best used for all forms of massages, as it creates a frictionless surface allowing for the smoothest and most therapeutic deep tissue work. <ref>Warming up butter by placing between the palms will result in a creamier and smoother application - ENJOY!</ref> It is an excellent base for the addition of essential oils, and it is a key ingredient in the most reputable name-brand beauty products and soaps. Even so, the use of real butter in place of [[margarine]] and [[lard]] in household beauty products has only recently gained popularity in the [[USA|United States]]. Butter can also be used as a hair dressing to moisturize dry scalps and stimulate hair growth, as a pomade to help hold a hairstyle, or to lightly relax curls. You can even use it your car engine in place of motor oil for improved performance, plus you get to drive around all day with that fresh-baked smell! <ref>'''[http://www.wikihow.com/Play-%22I-Love-Butter-So-Much...%22 How much do you love butter? ]''' - Play the popular game.</ref>
  +
  +
[[Image:Hotdog.PNG|thumb|right|Who the hell puts butter on a...Wait a minute...This article is about butter! You goddamn hack artists, isn't this picture supposed to be on the '''[[mustard]] page?''']]
  +
  +
===Other Uses===
  +
*Anti-wrinkle and stretch mark cream on the face and body.
  +
*Softening hands, elbows, the soles of the feet, and fortifying cuticles and nails.
  +
*Shoved directly into the nostrils as a nasal decongestant.
  +
*As a replacement for [[orange sherbert|ice cream in the bedroom]].
  +
  +
==Accusations of Unhealthiness==
  +
As early as 1845, [[Royal Society|some idiotic scientists that can't be right]] stated that butter cannot be healthy in excess, contrary to what many believed. Claiming it had lethal [[lard|trans fat]] in it, they said it could clog arteries, make you fat, and make you look like [[Oprah Winfrey]]. This test was proven in the 1847 Butter Crisis, when 100 people fed a typical butter diet all began getting fat and looking like mini-Winfreys within 4 months. Though doctors worldwide said these symptoms were temporary, a week later, 72 out of those 100 people died of heart attacks. The British government banned the typical butter rations served at most stores (50 pounds of butter per pack), reducing them to 10 oz. cans of butter that could only be sold one can per person per month. Famed writer and philosopher [[Charles Darwin]], author of the well-known book ''[[UnScripts:Secrets of Uranus|On the Origin of Feces]]'', wrote a new book ''Butterus Fatalis Maximus: Butter and its Lethal Deception''. The book was an instant success world-wide, and butter was either severely restricted or outright banned in almost every country, except for [[Assyria]], 'cause Assyria's cool.
  +
  +
== See also ==
  +
*[[I Can't Believe It's Not Butter]]
 
* [[Popcorn]]
 
* [[Popcorn]]
* [[RAM]]
+
* [[Butters]]
+
==References==
* [[Josh Groban]]
+
<references/>
* [[Mongoloid Butter]]
 
* [[I Can't Believe It's Not Butter]]
 
* [[Bill Cosby]]
 
* [[Pam]]
 
* [[Your Mom]]
 
   
 
{{Tasty}}
 
{{Tasty}}
   
[[category: dairy]][[category: conspiracies]][[category:Not A Sex Toy]]
+
[[category: dairy]]
  +
[[category: conspiracies]]
  +
[[category:Not A Sex Toy]]
 
[[category:Condiments]]
 
[[category:Condiments]]
 
[[fr:Beurre]]
 
[[fr:Beurre]]
butter is butter
+
[[pl:Masło]]
  +
  +
{{FA|date=8 January 2010|revision=4310749}}

Latest revision as of 18:51, April 23, 2013

Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Amazing?
Believepng

...and on the 8th day, God said, let there be butter. And it was good.


“I love Love LOVE Butter! I love the sexy scent, I love what it does for my skin! I love how it keeps my body warm during the cold winter months!”
~ Michael Moore on butter

“It's the best love-making lubricant I have ever experienced.”
~ Oscar Wilde on butter

“YUM!”
~ Bacon on butter

Butter comes from the oil extracted straight from the nut of the western African Butter Tree fruit; churned by the hands of skilled craftsman into a solid golden substance that can best be described in one word: Delicious. Although when applied (consumed or otherwise used) in large quantities it can make one incredibly obese and/or disgustingly oily, butter is considered by many Southern cooking enthusiasts to be the best thing since sliced bread, Texas toast, and dancing midgets. The story behind butter is a fascinating, inspirational tale of worship, sacrifice, and most importantly, lemon poppyseed muffins.


edit Holiest of Oleos

If you were to believe everything you read or hear in the media, you’d think that the pat of butter on your baked potato would take an immediate detour from your stomach and head straight to your aorta. Yet recent scientific studies show that butter's bad reputation is actually quite undeserved. It is important to remember that every cell in our body needs fat, and butter can be a cornerstone of good health. Our brain and hormones rely on butter to function. It supports our immune system, fights disease, and may even hold the cure to cancer. Butter promotes clear skin and healthy hair, regulates our digestive system, and leaves us feeling sated after a meal. It is the body’s preferred fuel, providing us with more than twice the amount of energy as the same quantity of carbohydrates and protein. Butter also helps the body absorb nutrients like calcium and the essential vitamins M, I, L, and K.

The word butter comes from the term butterophagous, which means "booty-full" in Greek, and some scholars argue that this same word would serve as inspiration for the hit song Bootylicious. Through the centuries, butter has become so well liked, it can be a sin to eat it on certain days. During the Middle Ages it was one of the foods banned during Lent, so popes and people who liked butter on fast days had to buy special dispensations from the church, and they used the money to build the "Butter Cathedral" of Rome (which later melted during the epic eruption of the Santorini volcano).

ButterBuddha

Similar to Western religion's Cheese Jesus, Eastern religion worshippers have the sacred condiment Buddha Butter.

Cquote1 There is no such thing as too much butter. [1] Cquote2

The ancient Hebrews referred to butter throughout the Old Testament, making the Bible the first major published documentation of the art of butter-making. Naturally, one would presume that in four thousand years there would have been considerable improvement in the manufacture of butter, although in reality it has remained unchanged for centuries. Butter is made by churning, plain and simple, and if you need to know more about the butter-making process you should probably go back to Wikipedia.

Butter is the single most popular golden liquid in the world. In some countries it is considered sacred, and many cultures believe butter represents generosity, obstinate intellect, and unruly emotions. It was written that the great almighty Zeus himself, upon falling in love with a beautiful white heifer, changed shape into a well-endowed bull in order to mount his mortal lover. Once Zeus had consummated the affair with his precious cow, waves of golden melted butter sprayed from his gigantic bovine penis. Hence, in both Greek and Roman mythology, butter is a symbol of semen.[You can't make that kind of stuff up]

edit Better Butter Uses

We have recorded uses of butter as early as 2,000 years before Christ. [2] Not only has it been regarded from time immemorial as a food fit for the gods, but its use appears to have been divinely recommended and its users promised certain immunities against evil. According to ancient Hittite references carved in stone and inscribed on cavern walls, butter was used not only in cooking, but in medicine, cosmetics and has even been the object of later Mormon-Catholic worship. Their most famous rituals (circa 1500 BC) were intended to be held in praise of butter, and included a sacrificial throwing of the golden substance into fire. Here is an excerpt from the hymn that was chanted during the ceremony:

"Goddess of wine," "elixer of immortality;"
It is the most precious substance,
Provided by the holiest nut on earth.
We will proclaim the name of Butter!

Later during the ritual, the sacrilegious bowl of butter was slowly poured into the altar fire as this portion of the hymn is recited:

These waves of Butter flow like gazelles before the hunter...
Spewing, the fire loves them and is satisfied.

Butter is best used for all forms of massages, as it creates a frictionless surface allowing for the smoothest and most therapeutic deep tissue work. [3] It is an excellent base for the addition of essential oils, and it is a key ingredient in the most reputable name-brand beauty products and soaps. Even so, the use of real butter in place of margarine and lard in household beauty products has only recently gained popularity in the United States. Butter can also be used as a hair dressing to moisturize dry scalps and stimulate hair growth, as a pomade to help hold a hairstyle, or to lightly relax curls. You can even use it your car engine in place of motor oil for improved performance, plus you get to drive around all day with that fresh-baked smell! [4]

Hotdog

Who the hell puts butter on a...Wait a minute...This article is about butter! You goddamn hack artists, isn't this picture supposed to be on the mustard page?

edit Other Uses

  • Anti-wrinkle and stretch mark cream on the face and body.
  • Softening hands, elbows, the soles of the feet, and fortifying cuticles and nails.
  • Shoved directly into the nostrils as a nasal decongestant.
  • As a replacement for ice cream in the bedroom.

edit Accusations of Unhealthiness

As early as 1845, some idiotic scientists that can't be right stated that butter cannot be healthy in excess, contrary to what many believed. Claiming it had lethal trans fat in it, they said it could clog arteries, make you fat, and make you look like Oprah Winfrey. This test was proven in the 1847 Butter Crisis, when 100 people fed a typical butter diet all began getting fat and looking like mini-Winfreys within 4 months. Though doctors worldwide said these symptoms were temporary, a week later, 72 out of those 100 people died of heart attacks. The British government banned the typical butter rations served at most stores (50 pounds of butter per pack), reducing them to 10 oz. cans of butter that could only be sold one can per person per month. Famed writer and philosopher Charles Darwin, author of the well-known book On the Origin of Feces, wrote a new book Butterus Fatalis Maximus: Butter and its Lethal Deception. The book was an instant success world-wide, and butter was either severely restricted or outright banned in almost every country, except for Assyria, 'cause Assyria's cool.

edit See also

edit References

  1. "There is no such thing as too much butter" was a conspiracy popularized by Paula Dean as an excuse for her to eat whole sticks of the stuff.
  2. To dream of eating fresh, golden butter, is a sign of good health and plans well carried out; it will bring unto you possessions, wealth and knowledge.
  3. Warming up butter by placing between the palms will result in a creamier and smoother application - ENJOY!
  4. How much do you love butter? - Play the popular game.
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Asparagus | Awesomesauce | Baby food | Bacon| Boogers | Butter | Cafeteria food | Cake | Caviar | Cheese | Chicken | Chicken 2 | Codpiece | Corn | Cornbread | Cornflakes | Crunchy Beaver with Pine Gum Coulis | Fantastik flavored hallucinogenic ham with Uranium seasoning | Fluff | French bikinis | Fried Chicken | Fudge | Goa Tse | Ice Cream | Hot Dog | Knuckle sandwich | Krispy Kreme | Meatloaf | Magic mushroom | Mangos | Moruga Scorpion Chili | Nutella | Peanut butter | Pie | Pills | Pink slime | Pudding | Orange sherbet | Pease pudding | Rice Pudding | Rocky Mountain Oysters | Sauce | Spam | Sunny D | Taco Bell | Turd burgers

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