Businessman

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(Changed the name of Philosopholis to Philodolidolis: lover of tricks or wiles. Perhaps a more fitting, and also Correctly Greek, name for a businessman.)
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Latest revision as of 04:19, June 4, 2011

CashdeliveryII

A good businessman usually ends up with your money in his hands. scientists are still looking in to it.

“If fine words were money, then, and only then, could you call me a businessman.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Businessmen
“A businessman tried to sell me a jacket the other day, i persuaded him to buy my dog”
~ Philodolidolis Thompson on Businessmen

A businessman is essentially a liar in a suit, and often with a matching tie (the similarity between "tie" and "lie" is either a mere coincidence or a divine, poetic justice). The tie is not only a fashion thingy - it could have other uses; an ordinary, disgruntled worker can use the tie to strangle his, let's say, boss. The fine thing with this type of snare is that it is already in its proper place, around the neck of the guilty one.

Businessmen sometimes gather in groups called "boards" (originally called "boreds" stemming from "God, this meeting really bores the shit out of me") where they decide how to make life miserable for workers. Karl Marxxx statistically proved that the degree of deception is exponential to the number of businessmen present in a group.

edit Small Businessman Dictionary

The words of a businessman can often be hard to decipher for the ordinary worker. Generally, the lower the wage you have, the harder it is to understand. Here are some clues to the language of modern business:

Accounting - making it seem as we are losing money
Advertising - product overstatements displayed in text and/or with images
Consumer - over-paying fool
Downsizing - they will fire the shit out of you
Management - the art of minimizing your wage without making you go berserk with an AK-47
Market - the fools who buy the over-priced stuff you made
Marketing section - the fools who fool the more foolish to buy the over-priced stuff you made
Incentive - more work, less pay
Interest - see Bloodletting
Labor cost - a necessary evil for maintaining labor
Product - anything you can make and businessmen can over-prize
Profit - money you mostly never see
Rightsizing - maybe they will fire the shit out of you
Social security - (entry not present in dictionary)
Stock - a paper you will own only if it is worth zilch
Stock market - a giant sand-box for adults who like to play with papers
Synergy - more work, less pay, and eventually they will fire the shit out of you

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