Bus
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“Hey do you ever notice how school busses are yellow. WHY ARE THEY YELLOW!!! Why not majenta? you'd be like HEY I'M ON A MAGENTA BUS!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
~ Dane Cook on Buses
“They are yellow because it's safe for transporting kids you overhyped piece of shit.”
~ George Carlin on Dane Cook
“In Soviet Russia, Bus rides YOU!!'”
~ Russian reversal on Buses
“Ein Bus, ein Bus, mein Vaterland für ein Bus!!'”
~ Adolf Hitler on Buses/Politics/Philosophy/Blitzkrieg
A bus is a vehicle intended to carry very large people , their clinically obese wives and sometimes their chunky children too. The name is a shortened version of Latin omnivore, which means "for people who eat everything they see, like the red car off of the milky way adverts from back in the day, where it had a race with the blue car and all that, you follow??".
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[edit] Historians talk a lot, mainly on 'The Bus'
The omnibus, the first organised pubic transit system, was invented when Adolf Hitler, a retired army officer, built public baths run on the surplus heat from his cheesecake factory
- The UK also claims invention of the Bus, but this is untrue.
[edit] Social Influenza
The omnibus had many repercussions for society:
- It made possible the use of the Oyster card.
- It put people into previously-unheard-of physical intimacy with strangers, which led to acts of shameless Self Promotion. Only the very poor, lepers and other retards remained excluded from the sexual free for all.
More intense urbanization was to follow. Within a very few years, the New York omnibus had a rival in the street car. The street car was named Desire.
[edit] Buses and Civil Rights
When buses were first domesticated, the back of the bus, or as it is popularly known, ass country, was reserved for mule-tenders and servants. This situation deteriorated rapidly when after a heavy night of chicken killing, voodoo priestess Rosa Parks sacrificed a virgin to conjure up a bus. Parks was told to sit in the back due to her alignment, but she could not handle the extra milegage so she decided to contact 90's superstar lawyer Ali Macbeal, and after court hearings with like a judge and a gavel, Parks won the right for members of her gang to travel in the front of the bus, like the geeks on school trips.
[edit] Mess With my Bus and I'll Bus You Up, Fool
Buses have a strict social system dived into several broad classes.
- Public transport, this type of bus is Probably best avoided.
- Tour buses, which show tourists other famous buses by bus.
Total shit
- School buses, a bus which contains a school.
- Special buses, not retarded, special! Ok?
- Gillig Phantom, a ghost bus.
- Avoid talking to the driver if possible, studies show that more than 1 in 2 of us have faced verbal abuse, sexual assault, descrimination, the major victims of the previous said are soft drinks!
- If you are on a bus with Tom Morris as the driver then don't talk to him or else you will get a screeching so high that you will die a devastating death
- Greek buses. Fully sick Subaru!!
[edit] Busted
Because of strict regulations banning bus drivers from any social contact with ordinary citizens, they tend to be grumpy people (and i mean really grunty). To brighten up their days, they often deliberately leave dog excrement at bus stops. When passengers inevitably stand in the doo doo before boarding the bus, the driver will use the resulting mess as a pretext to rough them up a bit, while surreptitiously copping a feel. To reclaim the cost of wear and tear caused to boobs and bums by these gropings, most people defraud the driver with a fake bus pass. If you have to take a Stagecoach bus you should always allow at least 23 minutes extra for your journey, as they are often held up by highwaymen and banditos.
[edit] Deep Scientific Analysis On The Bus
During the early 1980's, in a scientific study that cost the US government $75 million, it was concluded that the wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. Also, the wipers on the bus go swish swish, swish swish, swish swish, and most surprisingly, swish swish. The next part of the study began with the hypothesis that the baby on the bus goes "Wah, wah, wah". However, it was later found that the baby had actually been drop-kicked off the bus, and thus the baby on the road goes "splat splat splat". Buses are third on the hierarchy of transportation, after planes and trains. Even so, they are still considered very dangerous and lethal as a weapon.
[edit] Decline of the intercity bus
Especially in the United States, with the continued increase in urbanization and automobile ownership rates.... do you think anyone really cares, all this stuff is only copied off wikipedia anyway, it's a sham to promote some idiot's page about Oyster cards, still at least they aren't trying to get anyone to that terrible page with all the naked buttocks.
[edit] Buses do not wear shoes
A common belief of a surprisingly large number of people. The unknowing Sir Josiah Johnson famed for his invention of the bus stop once was tormented as a child when his mother taught him the improper verson of the song, "The wheels on the bus". Instead of saying the "wheels", Josiah's mother used the word "shoes". To this day Johnson has bad dreams about buses with shoes. Sometimes Buses will wear pictures of shoes on the outsides of their wheels just to confuse people. Don't be a FOOL! Josiah was knighted by The Burger King because the first stop he invented was outside of the very first BK lounge. Every bus in the world HAD to stop outside said resturant.
[edit] DID YOU KNOW?
That japanese buses do not allow passengers to wear shoes, thus why shoes are very high in sales in Japan, the following written is very true? Yesh Yesh
[edit] Toilets on a Bus
Tour buses are equipped with their own toilet(s) to prevent people for having to hold on for hours on end or even wetting themselves during the journey. However, one disadvantage of a vast majority of bus toilets is that you cannot poo in them, only wee. Due to lack of signage, some people poo in them without realizing they can't, or they get pooed in by the experienced prankster, leaving them with a smelly anus for the rest of the journey (since there's no toilet paper) and a cleaner having to clean the mess up. Due to the nasty sight of themselves cleaning it up, some unintentionally chuck up into the pan, making the situation several times worse.
The pure inefficiency of these machines had led to protests, such as people simply doing their buisness in the seats on the buses.
