Buckethead

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“I chose him because I love KFC!”

~ Axl Rose on Buckethead

Buckethead is the leader, founding figure, and messiah of the religion of Bucketheadism. According to the religion, he has supernatural powers of guitar-based combat granted to him by the spirits of fallen chickens which he channels through a religious artifact known as a Kei-Eph-See Ch'kenn Buk'kaht (pronounced: KAE EHFF SEE chi-KEHN boo-KAHT). The only requirement for Bucketheadism is to never eat chicken (after all, you are what you eat). He has spent, is spending, and will continue to spend all of eternity defending the world and the heavenly realm of Bucketheadland from malicious and destructive robots built by the evil overlord RIAA, a Satan-esque figure. When Buckethead gets angry, he turns into a super mutant and destroys shitty bands, such as Nickelback (Formally known as TickleSack).

[edit] Origin and Early Life

For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Buckethead.

Buckethead wielding a guitar and wearing the sacred Ch'Kenn Buk'kaht, which consists of a white mask and a red-and-white bucket.

Buckethead was constructed as a human-sized android with the power to transform into a 50-foot-tall giant robot by Colonel Sanders, who was both desperate for companionship, as he had no friends, and a devout fan of mecha anime. The Colonel taught him to love the taste of chicken meat, feeding him on nothing but it from a very early age, and gave Buckethead his first guitar, a soapbox the Colonel made himself, after he showed interest in the instrument at the age of seven. Buckethead began releasing at least 12 albums each year in 30-minute intervals. There is also a myth, that Buckethead really a guy named Adolf from E-Stonia.

Eventually, the Colonel died, and bequeathed Buckethead to a family of farmers, thinking they would treat him well. However, they had long held secret contempt for the Colonel due to his competition with them for chicken sales, and after his death they maltreated Buckethead severely. Despite his non-mecha height of seven feet, he was kept in a tiny chicken coop among chickens and fed only the skin of his dead chicken friends. It was here that he first developed his affinity for chickens, as they became his only friends, and though he continued to eat them he began protecting living chickens from harm at all costs. It was also here that he first discovered his mecha powers, which had previously lain dormant, after viewing a showing of Johnny Sokko and his Flying Robot at a next-door drive-in theatre through a hole in the wall of his coop.

Shortly after discovering these powers, he used them to raze the farm to the ground and escape. Confused, frightened, and full of rage, he fled to a graveyard he had snuck into a few times to play his soapbox guitar in peace. Upon arriving, he found the legendary Ch'kenn Buk'kaht lying in an open grave. Fascinated, he took it from the grave to find its bucket was filled with fried chicken, which he, exhausted from his recent rampage, consumed with vigor. Upon doing so, he was suddenly overtaken with an urge to place the artefact on his head, and immediately felt as if all the spirits of all the dead chickens killed unjustly and in vain were speaking to him through his fingers. He seized his guitar, and played until he fell into the grave, unconscious.

[edit] Rise to Power and Eventual Messiahood/Ascendancy

Just Kidding

Not really. Watch any live video of him playing and you shall be instantaneously converted, regardless of previous tastes in music.

[edit] Recent Events

In the 21st Century, Buckethead created a custom Les Paul by himself in this coop at Bucketheadland, Filled with the Deadly Sonic Arts, Gargantuan Robots, Disneyland, and Headcheese. Now he is quite Invincible.

In 2101, Jesus became aggravated with Buckethead for encroaching on what he saw as his personal messiah-based turf. He eventually sued Buckethead, resulting in the famous case Buckethead vs. Jesus. This case eventually went to the Supreme Court, who ruled that Jesus and Buckethead should engage in mortal kombat to decide the case's victor. After fighting for several weeks, both grew bored and left, though they continue to meet in Jerusalem once a year to do battle in the case that one has become powerful enough to defeat the other. Mohammed has also considered legal action against both Jesus and Buckethead, but has yet to file suit against either of them.

Though Bucketheadland staff denies it, the Bucketheadland ferris wheel recently went berserk and escaped the park, rolling into the Sea of Japan after being sighted by thousands of bystanders and several major news outlets.

Slipdisc's Protomechototobot was the most recent robot to be defeated by Buckethead, and was the first that required utilization of Bucketheadland's special ability to convert itself into a giant robot fifty times larger than Buckethead in his giant robot form.

No one really knows, but Buckethead is a hardcore fan of John Frusciante, who is lame enough to not have his own page on Uncyclopedia.

Buckethead recently defeated Mecha Godzilla in Tokyo. Unfortunately, he decided the victory was the perfect time for a wicked fast guitar solo containing as many notes as pregnancies Paris Hilton has aborted. As we all know, every time he plays a note, the sonic waves cause whole buildings to collapse, streets to buckle and split, and vehicles to fly around like toys. The result was disastrous, catastrophic, sexy, and devastating to the people of Japan. But nobody cares about them, and neither does Buckethead, so he left.

Many people think that Buckethead dose not have a face under his mask but it has been proven by the Children of the truth that Buckethead is indeed really......

[edit] Playing Style

Some say that Buckethead begins by picking up his guitar, they would be wrong. Dead wrong. Especially if he was playing for you, I mean have you looked at yourself? You look like your face has been hit with a frying pan, Jesus Christ. No, no, Buckethead would start off by playing some Jazz-Fusion on his Cello, followed by a short yet sweet romantic love song to caress your ears before the are absolutely blown apart by a continuous onslaught of guitar solos, each more intense than the other. Now this obviously poses the questions, if one Buckethead was playing at 240 mph and another was playing at the speed of light, how many Bucketheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb? The important topics.

[edit] Beware of Buckethead

Buckethead has become specially well known for the effects of his insanely sweetass songs. According to most reports, during the songs, most fans have had their ear erupt in orgasm and anyone else in a 500 mile radius suddenly feel the urge to make very intense love with the closet woman regardless of sexual orientation prior to this event.

[edit] Bands BucketHead Was In

• Col. Sanders and Cluck Buckets
• KFC Band(Kool Fucking Crazy Band)
• Guns N' Roses (Creating their new sound... Eww)
• Slashes SnakePit Cover Band (To Prove He Can't Be Better At Being Slash Then Slash Can)

[edit] Discography

• Are You Going To Be My First Album? (No one knows for sure when this album was made. Its been in existence ever since recorded history)
• I Can Play For 3 Days Straight, And I'll Prove It! (1989)
• I CAN WANK FOR SEVERAL DAYS AND WHEN U CUM PEOPLE DIE!!!!! (A Tribute To William Hung) (1990)
• In Bread Mountain (A Tribute To Wonderbread) (1993)
• My Mom Has Colon Cancer Right Now So I Went To A Giant Cemetary For Inspiration On This Album (1998)
• 18 Songs I Wrote On My Way To The Studio This Morning (2003)
• Some Fucking Calm Shit (2003)
• "'Big animal dudes wake up system(fuck)
• 20 More Songs I Wrote In 5 Minutes (2003)
• Colonel Sanders Nuked My Amp, So I Shattered My Acoustic Guitar And Wrote Some Songs With The Pieces (2004)
• KFC Soundtrack Finger Licking Good Metal (2004)
• Pepper's Ghost Reveries (2004)
• I Or Someone I Know Had Carpel Tunnel So I Made A Song And Called It "Carpel Tunnel Slug" And Put It On This Album (2004)
• I Wrote This While I Was On The Toilet A 27 disc set also known as IWTWIWOTT Individually numbered by Buckethead (2004)
• The 13th Album (2005)
• Kentucky Fried Ass-whoopins (2006)
• Buckethead Plays The Bible (2008)
• Mutha-nigga, Wutz Yo Favit Kina Waf-o (2009)
• I've Tried To Tell Everyone That If You See My Face Again, We Will All Be Trapped In Purgatory Forever. Some People Don't Understand. (Infinity)
• I could woop ur butt at Halo 3 (2012)

[edit] Filmography

• POO POO IN MY PANTIES!!!!!! (1976)
• Dude, Where's my Chicken? (1983)
• I Left my Bucket at Home (1987)
• The Day my Nose Exploded (1988)
• A Clockwork Chicken (1988)
• You Like De Headcheese (1989)
• Alice in Bucketheadland (1990)
• My First Bucket (1994)
• WHY DID YOU PISS IN MY BUCKET? (1994)
• When a Chicken Loses its Virginity (1995)
• AHHH!! My Nose!!! (1996)
• Nigga Love Chicken feat. Jamal (1995)
• Welcome to Robot City (1995)
• Chief Mufasa Hates Aboriginals" (1996)
• Korova Binge Bar: The Sequel To "A Clockwork Chicken" (1997)
• My Michael Jackson Experience (1998)
• I, Chicken (2002)
• Freddy VS Buckethead (2002)
• Buckethead Plays On The Moon (Live DVD)(2002)
• KFC:The Motion Picture (2002)
• The Chicken-Hiker's Guide To The Bucket (2005)
• The Buckethead List (2007)
• Do you like my cock? (2009)
• I Pissed on a Nigger (2011)
• Robosapien Bucket Master (2011)
• Slay the Faggots (2012)
• Nigger, What You Doing in a Library Fool? Get Yo' Ass Bak in da Hood (Remix) (2012)

[edit] Porn-Filmography

• WHY WON'T YOU PISS IN MY BUCKET?(1994)
• Greasy Buckets(1999)
• Cum Cube KY(1999)
• FucketHead(1999)
• Buckethead meets the Village People(1999)
• Chicken Bones(2000)
• Chicken Licken(2001)
• Buckethead's Big Orgy(2002)
• Buckethead's Big Orgy Vol. 2:Bigger(2004)

[edit] Weblinks

• Buckethead wikia