Bucharest

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“Aah, Budapest!”

~ Oscar Wilde

“Bucharest will be a small Hungarian town in the future!”

~ Marko Bela after Hungary 0-2 Romania before Euro 2004

Bucharest (in Klingon known as DaH Movaq, i.e. "that is a really bad-ass city. We warn you not to go there. We won't, and we're Klingons") It's a city located in the sock of an old man in Romania, famous for being the only city in the world in which the pot-hole area in the roads is actually larger than the total area of all the roads. If you really have to go there, try the blue-badger sandwiches, the possum pie, as well as the world-famous Penis mutilation saloons near the vaginal infection bureau. The Japanese treated with the most respect in Bucharest, after the local gypsies in their 1 hp Logans. The Japanese are so respected that the city hall created an act which states that each Japanese must be escorted by a pack of trained dogs that must cotain minimum 10 dogs and maximum 50. This was made in order to protect the Japanese from the ruthless gypsies and to stop a possible gang war between them. Sometimes the dogs themselves respect their fellow masters so much, that they confuse them with 50 kg bags of Pedigree dog chow.

[edit] Likely Dangers One Might Encounter

One of the most fearsome creatures that inhabit Bucharest, besides the treacherous “Money Hungry Congressman”, is the all known, carnivorous, “Cabdriverus Extremus”. It is known to lurk in moistly and dark alleys, feeding on the unsuspecting and gullible tourist by draining all life from their wallets with their so-called “Money Sucking Glands”. The only way to avoid this creature is to stay into the light or, simply, go by foot and get some exercise, you lazy-ass. One more thing you would want to avoid, when in Bucharest jungle, is large booby trap like holes in the streets set by the famous, headhunter and poacher, Adriean Videanu and his Iron Fist of Furry.

Another frightening thing is Vampires. Bucharest is home to the World Blood-Sucking Championships. But dont worry, that happens in August. The rest of the year they are cared for by the city council in the vampire-pounds.

A newer before seen picture of the Money Hungry Congressman’s lair. A moment of silence please for the two photographers that have lost their lives taking this photo...

Another horrid danger of the city consists in small, brown, stinky gypsy children (see Gollum). These can be seen anywhere, and are extremely dangerous. Under the cute( yet ugly) appearance lies a beast capable of hanging onto your bags, head, or even feet. They are hungry for a coin, sweets and destruction. The sole cure for these terrible humanoids is a firm slap at the back of their heads. After being hit, they will start crying, so that's the point when you have to run, because the beast's whole family( also known as "shatra") will come hunting you.

High emo people. They are emo people/kids that have become trolls after inhaling a few grams of cocaine. These ex-humans are packed as groups of males and females. They can be recognized by the broom look-like haircuts. These can not be scared, and since they are high, they can be fed some more cocaine as a bribe.

In addition to all these is the little moronic dog. These dogs are always followed by women(see Bioshock/ Big Daddy), all of them over 60 years in age. These small, furry ghouls often assault people, biting legs, handbags, hands, and even shoes. They will sometimes hump your leg instead harming it.