Bucharest

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“Aah, Budapest!”

~ Oscar Wilde

“Bucharest will be a small Hungarian town in the future!”

~ Marko Bela after Hungary 0-2 Romania before Euro 2004

Bucharest (in Klingon known as DaH Movaq, i.e. "that is a really bad-ass city. We warn you not to go there. We won't, and we're Klingons"; also anagrams to 'A Butcher's') is a city located in Romania. It is famous for being the only city in the world in which the pot-hole area in the roads is actually larger than the total area of all the roads and for being the city with the largest total corruption per square kilometer, measured in the amount of bribes paid to various public officials by each resident (this is purely because it is the capital of Romania, which has the highest per-capita corruption of any country). If you really have to go there, you can spend a pleasant afternoon walking through Ferentari fending off 'starving' gypsy children who will then sell your donations for more money, or you can spend an evening walking through Drumul Taberei or Titan, admiring the concrete forest. The Japanese are treated with the most respect in Bucharest, after the local gypsies in their 1 hp Dacia Logans. The Japanese are so respected that the city hall created an act which states that each Japanese must be escorted by a pack of trained dogs that must cotain minimum 10 dogs and maximum 50. This was made in order to protect the Japanese from the ruthless gypsies and to stop a possible gang war between them. Sometimes the dogs themselves respect their fellow masters so much, that they confuse them with 50 kg bags of Pedigree dog chow.

[edit] Likely Dangers One Might Encounter

One of the most fearsome creatures that inhabit Bucharest, besides the treacherous “Money Hungry Politician” (Romanopoliticus basescus) or the “Insane Religiotard Businessman” (Gigius becalis), is the well-known, carnivorous “Dubious Cabdriver” (Romanotaxius extremus). It is known to lurk in moist and dark alleys, feeding on the unsuspecting and gullible tourist by draining all life from their wallets with their so-called “Money Sucking Glands”. The only way to avoid this creature is to stay into the light or, simply, go by foot and get some exercise, you lazy-ass. One more thing to avoid, when in the Bucharest jungle, is large booby trap like holes in the streets set by the famous headhunter and poacher Adriean Videanu and his Iron Fist of Fury.

Bucharest has a high concentration of vampires, although they are largely imports from Transylvania. Bucharest is home to the World Blood-Sucking Championships, bringing vampires from as far away as Sighisoara, Hunedoara, and Satu Mare. The rest of the year they are cared for by the city councils in their respective cities in the vampire-pounds.

A never before seen picture of the Money Hungry Congressman’s lair. A moment of silence, please, for the two photographers that have lost their lives taking this photo.

Another horrid danger of the city consists in small, brown, stinky gypsy children (see Gollum). These can be seen anywhere, and are extremely dangerous. Under the cute( yet ugly) appearance lies a beast capable of hanging onto your bags, head, or even feet. They are hungry for a coin, sweets and destruction. The sole cure for these terrible humanoids is a firm slap at the back of their heads. After being hit, they will start crying, so that's the point when you have to run, because the beast's whole family( also known as "shatra") will come hunting you.

Roving packs of the Romanian chav (known as the 'pitipoanca' or 'cocalar') can be found not far away, especially near individuals which emit a highly displeasing Turkishesque sound - the common manelist, producer of manele.