Bruce Forsythe
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“If it was nice to see him, I would have told him without his instruction!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Bruce Forsythe
“He looks like a scrotum”
~ Bruce Forsythe on Bruce Forsythe
Bruce Forsythe, born 25th December 1813 BC is most famous for being the controversial and sometimes ridiculed presenter of the classic Television quizshow Kill the Foreigner. 'Brucie', as he's known by his followers (see Ancient Brucidium)is also known for inventing a range of cleaning products aimed at 5 to 10 year olds.
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[edit] Early Life
Bruce Forsythe was born at approximately 14:25 AM on Christmas Day (Saturnalia at the time) 1813 BC, making him blood brother to Satan. His mother and father abandoned him at birth and for many years it was unclear who, or what, they were. Bruce spent most of his early days living in an orphanage being constantly abused by his 'carer' Richard Bacon. Bruce was rescued from this predicament in 1820 AD by Josef Stalin and he was brought into a family of German car salesmen. He was also abused by them. It was because of this abuse that Bruce apeared on the classic quizshow, He Touched You Where?, and subsequently developed an obsessive love for quizshows. It was this that pushed Brucie into his first, and only, quiz show role.
[edit] Kill the Foreigner
Kill the Foreigner signalled the greatest achievement in Sir Bruce Forsythe's career. The quizshow which he developed was an instant hit and gained a massive cult following from racists. The main format of the show was simple. A foreigner was released onto the streets of London wearing a bright green jumpsuit whilst 2 contestants sat in a studio and answered questions for 15 minutes. After these 15 minutes, the contestant with the most correct answers got to have a 1 minute head start. Then the aim was for each contestant to try to kill the foreigner. The contestant who landed the fatal blow was announced the winner. Ratings proved it to be a hit, however there was strong criticism after the scandal from late 1982. On the 31st of November 1982 Bruce Forsythe and a number of key ITV executives were arrested over allegations that had arisen concerning the previous series of Kill the Foreigner. It appeared that not all of the so called foreigners had actually been of non-British blood. This outraged many Christian groups who said that to kill a Brit was one of God's greatest sins. Bruce was cleared of all charges, but many people remained sceptical and no other series were filmed although foreigner hunting did become a national sport.
edited much? :L
[edit] Bruce's parents
In 1983 Bruce had lost everything. He had no job, no friends and was in bad health. He decided to search for his family. Bruce gave leading scientists some of his blood as DNA and asked them to find his family. The results were shocking. It appeared that Bruce was in fact the son of an American called Dave Harrison and a goat called Jess. Origionally Bruce was outraged at this, but has since come to terms with it and now himself, has two sons to a goat called Kelly.
[edit] Death
Although Bruce is not dead, It is Predicted he will out live us all as he has been around since even he can remember, he is dated in the bible as the man who owed jesus a fiver to this day it is unclear if he still owes it or not.
