Brown Moses

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Moses Brown

Brown, Moses in all his non-brown non-prophet glory.

For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Brown, Moses.

Brown, Moses was neither brown nor Moses. Quite to the contrary, he played a rather major role in the slave trade before he bettered his life and became an abolitionist. He was also a prominent industrialist who helped make the American industrial revolution happen. He would later profit greatly from his non-prophet businesses.

Early life

Brown, Moses was raised alongside three brothers, Nicholas, Joseph and John.[1] The brothers owned a couple businesses and founded a university once. However, he abandoned his family when he joined the Religious Society of Friends, better known as Quakerism.[2]

American Revolution

Brown, Moses tried to reason with the British to release his brother John, who had looted and torched a British vessel.[3]

Abolitionist activity

He stopped trading slaves.[4]

Other stuff

He founded the first school in America.


  1. Their names don't really matter though.
  2. They know a lot about earthquakes.
  3. The British were immune to his superior intellect, however.
  4. Bravo!
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