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...and has been awarded a pine-scented air freshener.
Bum wiping paper

Neither Toilet Roll, Steve McQueen or Left-Wing Politics could stop the Brown Gas!

Brown gas is a recent scientific discovery, where it was found that the fart is not the gaseous form of poo after all, but is in fact mostly methane and some of the previous night’s kebab. The study into the true from of air-based-turd concluded with the discovery of Brown Gas in 2007.

What is Brown Gas? Edit

Not to be confused with the common fart (very common if American), Brown Gas is the gas equivalent of excretion. Like everything in the universe ever, everything has a gas, liquid, and sold form (see; Genesis). Dihorrea may be a liquid turd, and normal turd is mostly solid, meaning that a gas must exist too. Brown Gas is that substance, and is notable for being brown and made of gas, hence the name “Brown Gas”. It is unique for unlike the regular fart, it has a poo concentration equal to or greater than the methane composition of the rest of the fart. This makes it more of a poo/fart hybrid, and thus worthy of its own recognition in science. A fourth state of turd, Brown Plasma, is theoretical but its likely existence is championed by Steven Hawking; it may be responsible for spontaneous human combustion on Earth but could be emitted in massive quantities by Black Holes.

Where did Brown Gas come from? Edit

Although it is argued by many important people, (Know one knows who these people are, but I’m damn sure they’re pretty fucking important) that Brown Gas came from a North Korean Fruit Based Chemical Weapons Factory, fake scientists from Cornwall have discovered that Brown Gas is actually a result of humans building a sweat whilst not moving. As a result 98.754% of World of Warcraft players are victims to the mysterious Brown Gas, as well as, presumably having tiny penises.

Brown Gas is created by excess stomach gas picking micro-particles of shit on its way out of the rectum, thus resulting in a combination of methane and actual turd rippling out of the rim.

Brown Gas 2

Mystery of the Brown Gas Edit

Since Brown Gas has come from people,(With the exception of Malaysian people who still live in trees and think they’re ewoks) it is safe to assume it has been around for a long time . There is evidence to say that Brown Gas was the cause of the Black Death, due to the French sitting around, doing nothing and getting fucked over by everyone else in the world in the 1600’s. Historical evidence shows that if scientology is true, then bastard space god Xenu might have brought Brown Gas to earth due to him being made of complete utter bullshit.

The Lethality of Brown Gas Edit

Brown Gas has yet to be weaponised, but is so dense that after being expelled from an individuals dump-valve, it can weigh a plane down and make it fall to the ground. Which wouldn’t kill everyone due to the fact that the high altitude pressure exertion on the Brown Gas would force everyone to choke on the air-borne shit of the person next to them. Unlike the regular fart, Brown Gas cannot be lit on fire once farted. If one tries, they’ll end up covering they’re hands in wet brown fluid, and possibly resembling Gary Glitter.

Known Producers of The Brown Grass Edit

(Fuck - I meant Brown Gas. Not grass. Fucking........Swine Flu) Edit

  • John Prescott
  • Darth Maul
  • Joan of Arcadia
  • Luigi (Just don’t tell Mario!)
  • America
  • All those Hxx0r n00bs playing WarCraft
  • Zach Braff
  • Members of the Danish “Dress like a Klingon” community
  • Your mom
  • The Third Reich (And Hitler’s mum too)
  • Before Jesus was resurrected, that cave of his was a Brown Gas Hive
  • Endor
  • Bill Gates
  • Diana Ross
  • That fucking gay-ass Brumak who spoils your life at the end of Gears 2
  • Peter Andre
  • The love child of David Bowie and the Berlin Wall
  • N00bs
  • Coke Zero (WTF is the point)


The Brown Gas, cannot and will not be stopped. Attempting to do this, may/will result in shitty death, and a possible lawsuit. Bullets cant stop it, rockets wont blow it up, bad language encourages it even more. Although I could suggest running for your life, hiding on a desert island with a volleyball as your only friend, and praying to Xenu - You cant escape... You'll wake up from a bad dream, and realise it wasnt a bad dream, as you discover you have the brown juices spittling out of your nostrils. You have Been Warned.