Broken heart

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
m (Robot: Converting/fixing HTML)
(Added Category:Assholes to this page because let's face it, BROKEN HEARTS ARE FOR ASSHOLES.)
 
Line 36: Line 36:
   
 
[[Category:Anatomy]][[Category:Relationships]][[Category:Psychology]]
 
[[Category:Anatomy]][[Category:Relationships]][[Category:Psychology]]
  +
[[Category:Assholes]]

Latest revision as of 18:43, August 18, 2012

Bouncywikilogo5
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Broken heart.

Ever had a broken heart? Well this page is gonna tell you all about what is a broken heart, how one gets a broken heart and how to treat a broken heart.

edit Obtaining Broken Heart Syndrome

UNPSYCHLOPEDIA

Your Handy Guide to the
Psychological Issues of
Wiki Users Like You!

Personality Disorders

WikithuggeryWikiphrenia
WikipedepressionWiki Mule
Wikipedophilia

Behavioral Disorders

Creeping featurism
Obsessive-compulsive deletion
Socks AddictionWiki Rage
Assburger's syndrome
Penispenispenis

Complexes

Wikipoleonic Complex
Wikipersecution Complex

Self-Help

Seeing Through the
Veil of Smoke and Mirrors

Finding Your Inner Sock Puppet

Professional Help

Multiple Online Personality
Management Services

Treatment

VitriolWikiSex
WikideathWikiHeaven

*Sniff, wipe, sob* Okay, sorry about that. I'm really broken up about this whole thing, ya'know? It's just killing me. Okay so where was I? How do you get it? Okay, well I know it hurt me most when I walked in and saw them kissing, and... Oh god Jenna! And then *sob* the next day she was like "Mike, I really think you're kinda boring. Jeff is so much more exciting. And plus he has a really nice car." And I was all, "But Babydoll, he lives in that car!" And then she said, "Well Mike, mabye you should try being homeless sometime, it really turns me on." GODDAMN HER! AND HIM TOO, AND HIS LITTLE CAR!

Oh God Jenna, WHY!??!?? Why won't you come back to me? I thought we were in love! We had it all figured out! I bought those pink tights so that I could be in the same ballet class as you! I even made a pillow with my face so you could keep me by your side during those nights you and Jeff went visiting your dead parents in Oklahoma! And Jeff, I thought we were friends! You were always so cool to me! And then you went and stole my woman! I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!
I'll kill you all.

edit Possible Symptoms and Causes

These are only possible symptoms and causes, not all of them will apply to any one person, and possibly only two or three at a time.

  • Jealousy - That's when I got that brick and threw it at that damn car! Oh, that bastard made me so mad!
  • Depression - This happened to me the night after she dumped me, man I wanted to hurt myself. OH GOD I'M SO STUPID! WHY DID I TRUST THAT SLUT?
  • Melancholy - I miss her so much. I miss her smile. I miss her scent. Those nights we spent watching the stars. God, why did she have to leave me?
  • Lust - All I want is breakup sex. It's the only thing I ask. God, I'm never gonna get laid again. NEVER.
  • Remorse - Why did I let her go? I should have thought about her feelings. Why?

*Sob* Let me tell you something. Please. Just... *snif*... wait a minute... I have to say this... If you ever love a woman, treasure her company. And kill everyone who looks at her. I know I will now.

edit Best ways to cure yourself from such a terrible, terrible pain

It's not an easy task to heal your broken heart. I know it. I still feel the sting of this shattered love. Jenna, you're the only one I want! JENNA, COME BACK! I'm on my knees. Last night I called her and all she said was "I'm busy, Mike, please stop bothering me, we broke up, it's over. Get over it." Get over it? GET OVER IT? Dammit, woman, now you've really pissed me off! But you'll see. Yes, you'll see, when I cut your throat in your sleep you'll see. You'll look at me with your tainted little eyes begging for my love, and I will feast upon your soul. Yes, Jena, this isn't over. This isn't over.

edit Life after losing your significant other

Life after losing someone you love doesn't get much better. I know. I lost Jena. Twice. The only thing to do is to accept the loss. Don't live in denial. Just give it time, you know? But every time I look at Jenna's pictures, I can't help but feel anxiety. At least she won't cheat on me anymore. Not anymore.

edit See also

Personal tools
projects