Brokeback Mountain II: Go Get the Butter
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
- Heath Ledger: Dead
- The Incredible Hulk: Peter Tickler
- Salty: Vlad the Russian Spy
- Fred Phelps: Jake Gyllenhaal Jr.
- Albus Dumbledore: Hulk's Stunt Double.
Brokeback Mountain II occurs after the events of the original film. Ennis del Mar (Ledger) befriends a drifter and cowhand Peter Tickler (The Incredible Hulk) and the two begin a torrid affair. They decide to marry in Vermont where they start a bed and breakfast. Eventually the couple become embroiled in international intrigue after a Russian spy (Salty) is murdered in the 'Roddy McDowall Suite'. They later get kidnapped and buttraped by Ennis' lover's son, Jake Gyllenhaal Jr. (Fred Phelps), who happens to own Toys R US.
The Incredible Hulk was a surprising choice to play a gay male lead. His acknowledged far right-wing political viewpoints seemed to be at odds with his character in the movie. When asked about his decision to play a gay man and simulate sex scenes with his male co-star, Hulk would only give cryptic or intelligible answers, such as, "HULK SMASH!". Many insiders in the industry suspected that The Hulk's substance abuse problem had recurred.
Those fears were confirmed when the filming of Brokeback II was forced to cease after an altercation between Ang Lee, Heath Ledger and The Incredible Hulk. Lee claimed The Hulk was constantly late for filming and was drunk and incoherent on several occasions. According to Ledger and Lee, when confronted about the drinking The Hulk flew into a rage and destroyed Cheyenne, the largest city in Wyoming, causing hundreds of dollars in damage. Mr. Hulk later apologized and helped rebuild the city. Filming was finally halted on Feb. 10, 2007.
At a press conference The Hulk claimed that he hadn't had a drink since his years in Rabbinical school. A few days later, however, a paparazzi photographed an obviously intoxicated Hulk exiting his Bentley, sans underwear, exposing his genitalia in the process. Mr. Hulk later admitted he had a problem and enrolled himself into The Betty Ford Clinic.
The Hulk still claims that his drinking had nothing to do with his tirade that resulted in the destruction of Cheyenne. Before entering rehab, The Hulk released a written statement to the press and several online message boards including imdb:
| Hulk angry with Ang Lee. Hulk trust Ang Lee to make proper decisions for Hulk career. Hulk sad after Hulk breakthrough movie bombed and wanted to SMASH Ang Lee for ruining Hulk movie career. Hulk sad and did lots of cocaine and drank Johnny Walker red right from the bottle. Hulk was feeling sad for Hulk.
Then Ang Lee call Hulk again and Hulk was happy. Ang Lee said Hulk work in new Ang Lee movie called "Brokeback Mountain 2". Hulk liked title because it made Hulk think that Hulk would smash mountains! Instead Hulk was left ashamed and shaken.
Hulk first scene involve guy named Heaf. Hulk and Heaf sat in a tent, Hulk felt a little uncomfortable but Hulk shake it off. Then Ang said Hulk was "catcher" and Heaf was "pitcher". Hulk confused. Here Hulk was in the middle of nowhere surrounded by sheep with no baseball stuff to be found. Then Heaf started touching Hulk inappropriately and Hulk became uncomfortable. Ang said that Hulk should continue as this was part of Hulk role. As Heaf put tender kisses on Hulk face Hulk wanted to cry and was embarassed. Ang then made Heaf hit Hulk! Ang said he wanted roughness to sex scene. "SEX SCENE?!?", Hulk scream. Hulk no sign up for this foolishness!
Hulk didn't know this was sex scene! Hulk no homosexual queer! This would ruin Hulk career, destroy Hulk comic book deal. Look what happened to Aquaman when Aquaman came out of closet. Hulk not even in closet! Hulk then became angry. Very angry.
Hulk grab Heaf's head and ripped off Heaf's body like a wine cork. POP! Heaf spine stayed attached to Heaf's head. Ang Lee screamed! "You ruining movie you big green idiot!" That made Hulk even angrier. Ang Lee ruined Hulk movie, and now Ang Lee was trying to ruin Hulk with gay scene!
Hulk then think of Hulk movie. Hulk movie was to make Hulk as big as Spiderman but Ang Lee turned Hulk movie into "introspective wank fest", or so Hulk heard some critic say before Hulk smash critic like pancake. Ang Lee was making fool of Hulk again, tricking Hulk into making out with guy named Heaf. Hulk should read contract next time.
Ang Lee made Hulk sad, and conflicted, and embarrassed. Hulk decided to punish Ang Lee.
Hulk grab Ang Lee and wrap Heaf spine around Ang neck! Ang started to gag. Then Hulk grabbed Ang Lee and Heaf and threw them into space. Stupid Heaf and Ang Lee. Now they orbit earth, on clear night you can see them in the sky. Stupid Ang Lee.
Anyway, Hulk is glad that Hulk smash camera that was filming love scene between Heaf and Hulk. As Hulk said, if footage survived it could ruin Hulk career and his eventual bid for White House. On side note, Hulk know why he was catcher and not pitcher, Hulk would have split Heaf Lejar open like a hotdog bun.
Just prove Hulk point that Hollywood is full of liars and freaks. Hulk think about going back to roots in Broadway.
The Hulk's statements caused much confusion since Lee and Ledger are both alive and not orbiting the earth. The Hulk's doctors attribute The Hulk's strange behavior to hallucinations brought about by long time ketamine use, a side effect from his club kid days in New York City. In March the story became stranger when television news magazine Entertainment Tonight aired an interview with anonymous crewmen present during the altercation. They claim Hulk's account is basically true with the exception of the Lee, Ledger murder and subsequent launch into space.
The matter has yet to be brought to trial.
edit Allegations of Animal Cruelty
The American Humane Association raised concerns that animals were treated improperly during filming, alleging that sheep were handled roughly. The film's producers vehemently deny any wrong doing, claiming the sheep were of age and that proper lubrication was used at all times.
The title is a reference to Marlon Brando's butter aided sodomy in The Last Tango in Paris.
This was the first time The Incredible Hulk appeared naked on film. Although the movie was never released, bootleg footage of a naked Hulk has found its way to the internet.
In one scene, the feet from a dead member of the film crew is briefly seen disappearing under a moving steam roller. The death was later ruled an accident.
The film was originally titled Brokeback Mountain II: The Search for Lube.