BrokeNCYDE

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Brokencyde

From left to right: drummer Ricardo "Sandy Dick" Porksword, vocalists Jeff "Si6" Jefferson and Adolf "Floppy Tits" Goatswarthy, and keyboardist Cornelius "The Kink" van der Meatschafte

BrokeNCYDE (sometimes referred to as BC13, Prolapse, or The Broken Sides) are a four-piece avant-garde collective with post-dubstep and regressive death metal influences. Based in Texas, the band reached mainstream success after their single Marketing Is Easy shot straight to number #49 on the Top 50 charts. The band are noted for their smooth, crescendo-based keyboard improvisation, with heavy use of smooth, ambient blast-beats and filthy drops. Founded in 2008 by vocalist Si6, the band remains active today.

edit Formation

The band as the solo project of vocalist, keytarist and whistler Jeff Jefferson (best known under the pseudonym Si6). After performing in many local metal bands, and leaving many due to musical differences between members, Si6 decided that the best way to start his music career was to perform as a solo act. Recording hour-long improvised acapella noise pieces with only his voice, Si6 performed mainly at small BDSM clubs and was known for his stage act which consisted mostly of him screaming while awkwardly making eye contact with a single audience member.

One day, while performing at a small venue (the venue itself has since been rebuilt and turned into a day care center), Si6 was approached by Cornelius van der Meatschafte, an illustrious business tycoon who had recently come to the attention of the media for his alleged "second life" as a prominent BDSM practitioner. Cornelius explained to Si6 that he wanted to get away from the business world and stretch his creative talents. Si6 offered Cornelius a role in his band as keyboard player, and the pair performed at clubs under the name Si6 And His Acquaintance.

The pair continued to perform in this manner, eventually recruiting Cornelius' long-time partners in the BDSM scene, Ricardo and Adolf to play drums and secondary vocals respectively. The band continued to tour, first as The Rapists Downstairs, and shortly after as BrokeNCYDE. Bootleg tapes from the Rapist Downstairs era exist, but command outrageous prices on the market.

Si6 later explained the band's name in an interview:

“It means a lot to me. Me and my cousin would often joke that when we laughed excessively, our sides were splitting and our brains had shut down from laaughter, and we were therefore "broke inside". We kept using the term into our early adolescence, when we started our forays into ritualistic incestual butt-play. Although, by that time, of course, it had a different meaning. Eh heh, heh... heh. Can we move on to the next question, please?”
~ Si6 on the band's name

edit First album and mainstream success

During their time performing in clubs as BrokeNCYDE, the members came into contact with a record company executive who happened to be at the club mistakenly, by accident, thinking it wasn't a BDSM club or any such similar thing. After being impressed by the band's unique style, the band were offered a four-album contract at popular record label Sagging Phallus Records.

“It wasn't so much the band's music that struck me initially; it was their passion for the music. You know that feeling when you see two guys on stage, screaming obscenities at each other, while another guy plays drum fills while pissing explosively over a keyboardist, who is playing off-key crescendos on a £30 toy Casio? You see that, and you think to yourself, yes. These guys are gonna go far, I can sense it. That's sort of what it was like with BrokeNCYDE.”
~ SPR's executive on BrokeNCYDE's contract

Shortly after being signed, BrokeNCYDE released their previously live-only song My Balls Hang Low, I Tie Them In A Bow as a single on the label. Long time followers of the style noted the similarity to Blood On The Dance Floor's first single, An Abstract Look Into My Urethra (And The Surrounding Bodily Tissues That Form My Genitals As A Collective). The single was met with widespread anticipation for a full release from various music publications.

When the band released their debut album, Katoptoronophilia Kids Klub, it was met with much critical acclaim. Si6 issued a formal apology to the fanbase, claiming that the album had been delayed due to creative differences between members. He later admitted that the real reason "involved many woodland creatures and about 3 gallons of glue".

“A masterpiece of modern improvised avant-jazz, with the supposed death metal and post-dubstep influences remaining clear throughout. Sure to last throughout the ages; this piece shreds the boundary of mortal achievement and transcendental heavenly goodness.”
~ Pitchfork
“Simply breathtaking. If there were other words to describe it, I'd describe it using those words, but there aren't, so I can't, but if there were, I would, but there aren't, so I can't, so I won't, but I want to, but I can't, because there are no words to describe it, other than simply breathtaking, which it is.”
~ NME
“I didn't like it, really.”
~ Kerrang!

Most notably, the single Marketing Is Easy became an instant hit, topping charts in every country except Yugoslavia, and becoming the most illegally downloaded song in the world, beating Radiohead's chart hit I'm A Crepe, I'm A Weird Dough. Si6 later stated in an interview that although he wasn't a fan, the kids seemed to love it.

edit Musical differences

Shortly after the album's release, and on the subsequent promotion tour (unofficially named by fans as the Generally Quite Loud And Inconvenient For Those Living Relatively Close-by Tour), Cornelius was allegedly caught stealing LSD from the other members' hotel rooms. He was removed from the tour and replaced by a reel-to-reel player playing his keyboard sections in 8kbps quality. He went on to form his side project I Don't Need Those Limp-Dicked Thundercunts Anyway, although he was accepted back into the band before he could officially release anything.

“I don't need them. My side project is gonna be huge. That smart-ass reel-to-reel player thinks he knows everything, but I saw him kissing a girl on the beach. Like, how gay is that? Seriously. Eww.”
~ Cornelius

edit Members

The current line-up consists of Si6, Sandy Dick, Floppy Tits and The Kink.

Jeff "Si6" Jefferson - vocalist, keytarist and whistler. Known for high pitched screams and the amazing ability to recreate distortion and autotune, without actually using any or even knowing what those things are, honestly. Although he reportedly has "unmatched keytar skills", Si6 has never been seen playing the instrument, and when asked about this was quoted as saying "isn't that the thing between your balls and ass?". He is a strict demiromantic, freegan and omnisexual.

Ricardo "Sandy Dick" Porksword - drummer. Ricardo obtained the stage name "Sandy Dick" following a post-show incident on a beach. Ricardo kept relatively quiet about the incident, until he was coaxed into explaining the name during an interview.

“Well, it all started one night after our tour date in Canada, or maybe Israel. No, wait, it was Cuba. So, anyway, we'd just finished our show in sunny Mexico when we decided to head out to the beach to smoke heavily. It was real late, and super dark, so I couldn't see quite what I was doing. I bumped into this super hot girl on the beach, and I could clearly feel her pull me to the ground and start doing some freaky shit to my junk, you know? It was only when the other guys drove the tour bus onto the beach (they like to drive the bus onto inappropriate terrain and laugh at people who are different from them.) that I realised I'd actually had my dick in some kid's sand castle and that silky smooth feeling on my man-sausage was actually just the sand. I still finished.”
~ Ricardo "Sandy Dick" Porksword

Adolf "Floppy Tits" Goatswarthy - secondary vocalist. Adolf doesn't speak any known language, he simply mimics Si6's lip motions to create a blurred, off-key wail that has become a part of the band's signature style. Like Si6, he is also a strict freegan, "except McDonalds and KFC". His interests include cup-stacking and swallowing cigarette packets whole.

“I can't imagine the band without this guy. Well, I can, and often do. It helps me get to sleep.”
~ Ricardo Porksword on Adolf

Cornelius "The Kink" van der Meatschafte - keyboardist. Formerly owner of several business chains, until his second life as a BDSM practitioner became a tabloid scandal and he was forced to live on the streets. Attending BDSM clubs to satiate his thirst for leather, he met Si6 during a performance and eventually became the main keyboardist. Known for throwing fits of rage when confronted with reflective surfaces.

“Oh yes. He's a really great guy. I love how he plays the keyboard for our band, that really helps. He's full of kindness, really. Bulging, throbbing, veiny, rock-hard kindness. Oh, and he plays keyboard for our band, which really helps.”
~ Si6 on The Kink

edit Supporting members

Rape-Face Ronald - guest guitarist for live shows. Supposedly reads his favourite erotic novel cover-to-cover twice daily.

Philips EL3541 Reel-To-Reel Tape Player - Cornelius' replacement keyboardist for a brief period. Later went on to form his own side project, although no information is available.

edit Discography

edit My Balls Hang Low, I Tie Them In A Bow (2010)

Track listing:

1) My Balls Hang Low, I Tie Them In A Bow - 5:31
2) My Balls Hang Low, I Tie Them In A Bow (accoustic version) - 1:14

“It's shit, I hate it.”
~ Si6
“When we wrote this one, we tried to dig real deep, you know? Real, real deep.”
~ Cornelius

edit Katoptoronophilia Kids Klub (2009)

Track listing:

1) Intro - 45:21
2) Draining My Main Vein On Your Childhood Idol's Chest - 2:29
3) Get Spunk - 1:50
4) Que? - 1:11
5) Que? Part II - 0:17
6) Outro - 1:56:31

“Now this is more like it. I really flexed my creative muscles on this one, mostly the ones in my face. We had all kinds of crazy shit going on in the studio. Part of the intro was recorded in the ambulance on the way to hospital after I punched Sandy Dick in his sandy dick, because his drumming was in-time. I hate rhythm. I hate you.”
~ Si6

edit Future plans

The band have announced plans to release up to five more albums in the future, keeping true to their established sound, but "willing to experiment with other kinds of instrumentation, if you know what I'm saying". They have also announced that they intend to tour the old BDSM clubs they first performed in. Members have stated on several occasions that they expect free drinks at every small venue they play at.

The second album is currently in the process of being recorded. Rumours state that the limited edition is to come with various DNA samples from the band, as well as a necklace, T-shirt (only available in XXL and above due to price restrictions) and a free subscription to the band's newsletter, the Broke Inside Bi-Annual News Bulletin.

“Don't you talk to me about the second album, you piss-ant. I'll make you watch as your world crumbles to dust in front of your very eyes, you cunt. If you even so much as think about the second album we're currently working on which just so happens to be a throwback to pioneers of the style and features many guest spots from renowned mainstream pop artists, I will slit. Your. THROAT. Think I won't do it? I want to do it.”
~ Si6
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