From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Cock "Vanilla Gorilla" Chestnar is a professional Planetweight Mixed martial artist with a background in Collegiate humping. Brock is a very unique wrestler unlike his fellow wrestlers in MMA such as Georges "The Safe Saint" Pierre, Mohammad "King Bo" Lawal and Chael "The Parrot" Sonnen, they are all decision humpers but Lesnar is a tko humper, this is because of the raw power in his fist from which his humping and punching actually finishes fights rather than get decisions.
Rumor has it that Lesnar really was never in the WWE as he didn't want to be a stuntman or entertainer like you see in various movies and TV shows which was what Pro Wrestling was based off of. The Lesnar you see in WWE is in fact, a white gorilla with similar facial features, Vince had him shaved to look like Lesnar.
edit Humping and bumping in High School
Lesnar became interested in wrestling because he felt upset and needed someone to hug, however, his gigantic superhuman body hugged his opponents too hard and suffocated them to death, he established a record of 30 wins in NCAA with one loss to Chuck Norris, and two in Vale Tudo Rules fights against Tank Abbot. Lesnar had a strict diet of bodybuilders for breakfast, which is the same diet as Mariusz Pudzianowski that can be a cardio killer, and flesh eater of the intestines if not careful as Lesnar had to learn sadly. Along with this he drank the blood of African Elephants]. All of his girlfriends could not endure his powerful humping, however, a woman named Sable who was a former pro wrestler herself was wide enough to take the damage so he got with her.
edit MMA Career
Lesnar made his debut against some Korean Judo guy most had never heard of, some jobber? Anyway, he quickly went for the take down, and was able to pass his guard. From there, it was hump and punch fun until the Jobber, Min-Soo Kim, had enough and tapped to strikes. He then went up against Heath "the douche" Herring, he humped Heath and taunted him. After getting the decision he went up against Frank Mir who, while being humped grabbed Lesnar's foot and caught him in a kneebar. Lesnar wanted to pull a Randy Couture, and tried to spank Mir like Couture did with Tito, but the ref mistook it for a tap and stopped the fight. Eventually Brock got a shot at a fellow wrestler who is a catgirl, "All purpose cultural cat-girl Nuku-Nuku", due to the fact that the heavyweight division sucked back then and there were no other opponents, and that even a cat girl under 110lb won the belt. Nuku-Nuku attempted to humped Brock in hopes in throwing him off due to gender differences, but Lesnar realized she was a girl, and avoided the ground with her, and was able to TKO her via hammerfist in the second round after a competitive stand up war against Nuku-Nuku's new found Dutch Kickboxing game she learn from the REEM.
Then Frank Mir came demanding a rematch, but little did he know Lesnar's experience has increased to handle a BJ specialist, and lesnar raped him nearly to death through strikes on the ground.
Lesnar was to face an equally matched super-heavy humper by the name of Shane Carwin at UFC 106, however Brock cancelled the fight saying he was suffering from a diverted stomach. Dana was the most concerned that his love,who was ill and sent him flowers and candy kisses, which gave Brock the strength to get healthy again. Next, Lesnar defeated Shane Carwin for the Heavyweight title under a fully sealed, indestructible arena where the audience were protected by several layers of shatter proof glass to avoid the apocalyptic effects of two badass giants wrestlefucking each other.
edit Cain Velasquez
There is only one man that can bring Brock to his knees maybe outside of the REEM and Antonio Silva and his name is Cain "Jalapeno" Velasquez, being a well mannered but brutal man, finally destroyed Brock by beating him nearly to death with his ethnicity. Cockner did his best to hump Velasquez early in the round, striking him with over 9000 knees to the face, then spinning him around lasso style. This only tickled the Gorilla known as Velasquez, so he tickled Cockner back putting him into a fit of laughter so great he had to cover his face while "The Gorilla" Velasquez continued to tickle & tickle him till the ref had to call the bell due to the stream of tears running down Cockners face from laughing so hard. Lescock claims he has never been tickled by anyone as extremely as Velasquez. Brock "I hava small Cock" Lesnar hopes to tickle the man, who currently tickled the man who tickled him in the first place, "Cigano Guns Don't Kill People Junior Dos Santos duz Dos Santos" at UFC 9000 50 years from now.