Brittany

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Breizh
New Britain (Less Britain)
France
Brittany flag Brittany coat of arms
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: Better death than dishonor! (In this context, "dishonor" means "belonging to France")
Brittany map
This is what French call "Britain".
Capital Breton people claim it to be Rennes, a town best-known for the number of cars torched annually.
Official language(s) Breton (one of the most widely spoken British language) and French (although everyone denies it)
National Hero(es) Asterix and Obelix
Major exports Galettes, fish and wine
Major imports Cheese

This article is on the region of France. For other uses see Brittany (disambiguation).


Brittany is a small piece of France that is adjacent to Britain, if one ignores the daunting body of water between them. The name, whose literal meaning is "Little Britain," was an ingenious plot of the Sarkozy administration to make people think that Brittany is actually Great Britain. If Brittany's economic statistics were assigned to Great Britain, the national picture would look much rosier. Currently, however, neither Sarkozy nor rosy economic statistics are in the picture.

Though some residents of Brittany consider it a nation, the true role of Brittany is to make France seem like a nation, by having a Wales-ish part as real nations like Great Britain do.

There are several theories about the purpose of its creation and the most common one amongst the foreigners (everyone who has does not know a word of French and has never visited the country, others are French by definition) says that the region was originally meant to be the film studio for the TV show "Little Britain" which was supposed to mock the British people. But when the government realized that the same show with the same concept and title (a coincidence) was produced in Great Britain, they had to forget about their dream. The only evidence that proves the theory to be right is the fact that Brittany is sometimes being referred to as "Little Britain".

Surprisingly, the French have another theory but which does not have an access outdoors and only the véritables français know about it (see History).

Etymology

Bouncywikilogo2
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Brittany.

The word "Brittany" comes from the name of one of the British tribes: the Britons, who emigrated to Brittany from Great Britain (for economical reasons). In Breton (the regional language), Brittany is called Breizh. The French often refer to impossible tasks by saying they will "be a Breizh."

Brittany had various names in the past: The Romans called it Armorica (close to the army); the ancient Welsh called it Llwydaw ("spoon comes"). Even now, the Britons swarm around army bases and soup kitchens, and shun the use of eating utensils. If we ignore the double L with which many Welsh words begin, the region's name might have been Wydaw ("egg comes"). Only, the egg has not.

Culture

National symbols

The main symbol of Brittany is its flag. Its name in Breton is Gwen-ha-du (black and white) and it is proof that the region existed before the world got colorful. The windmills at the upper left corner of Brittany's flag (and all over its coat-of-arms prove that the region was progressive before the world got green. Historians claim these symbols represent ermine. These would be the same ones that named Michigan the "Wolverine State" even though, in both cases, there have never been any such animals in the area. The colours of the flag represent sureendering and depression (something the real Britons have experienced before and after the French domination). The nationalist movements interprete this national symbol a bit differently, claiming that the black stands for the hatred of immigrants in the area. After hearing that, the governemnt decided to educate the population.

Before, 1960s Gwen-ha-du was banned as a separatist symbol and was banned. Later, the authorities' suspicions disappeared, as they never found evidence of terrorism in Brittany, apart from restaurant kitchens. The flag is now flown everywhere, even in Brittany's Town Halls, to show that Brittany is proudly French (until the moment the national government should look in another direction).

Other national symbols are menhirs (certainly because Obelix liked to lift them up) and galettes (Briton national food which they eat more often than bread). France tried to pretend that the latter were a French invention (as French think that good food can only be French) but Britons were about to rebel so the idea had to be abandoned. French decided to take revenge and banned the 'BZH' sign which was present on most of the Briton cars.

Cuisine

Bretagneboat

A dead marine animal just fished out and waiting to be transported to one of many Breton restaurants.

Bretagne serves as a gateway between England and France. On that note, the people of Bretagne have a slightly different idea of good food. Instead of the previously ridiculed fish and chips, and in place of tea and crumpets, the people of Bretagne drink cider, mead, “apple eau de vie”, whiskey and beer. They eat gallettes (which the ignorant French sometimes call "crêpes") and dead marine animals (pictured).

Galette-bretonne

French cuisine is somehow different form the Briton one.

The French decided to make something similar to galettes but, not having much imagination, just decided to make them smaller. They can be now found in all the French shops and they are called "Briton galettes" (pictured).

History

Amoco Cadiz oil spill

One of the perfect examples of the Breton realist movement. This picture illustrates the most significant event of the Breton history that formed the self-identity of Brittany as a nation.

Prehistory was the only historical period when France did not own Brittany (politically or morally). This was the Golden Age of Britons which they missed, as they did not exist at that moment. Neanderthals lived in this region and enjoyed fertile grounds, not very mild climate and the absence of any enemies. This is why they did not notice that a lot of homo sapiens came and so the Neanderthals were exterminated. Homo sapiens settled in the region as they could not find any good places to live and began developing local industries which became even more developed in the Middle Ages.

During the Ancient Times, the whole region was owned by the Roman Empire. However, one village did not succumbe to the enemies because the villagers have got superhuman powers. Caesar's vengeance was terrible: not being able to conquer the village, he did not report its existence to any authorities and since that moment the village itself has become a legend. However, Britons know for sure that the two main villagers were called Asterix and Obelix.

After that France has always relied on Brittany as on the region which can be confused with Great Britain (in order to attract more tourists and to ruin Britain's reputation): the proof of that is the name of this region in French - Bretagne - compared to how French people call Great Britain (Grande-Bretagne). However, this plan has never worked because Brittany is separated from France's enemy by the sea and so tourists who fly to Britain can in no way land in France (except for an emergency; but in that case they will know they are not where they wanted to be).

After the Mad War, when the French government has found this out, they have organized a union with Brittany. Since that moment it was promoted as a dependent region, but with its own national symbols, language, cheese and culture.

French Emperors thought that after long years of being separate, Brittany would prefer to struggle, so after the 1789 revolution, the region was divided into 5 parts and later into 9, so their alliance would be harder.

From 15th to 19th century, Brittany's economy reached its Golden Age because different industries were well developed. However, during the Renaissance (in Brittany it took place later than in the rest of Europe), they were abandoned as many other medieval activities and prejudices, so Brittany returned to agriculture and fishing. [1]

At that time Brittany was still located on the seaways between Spain, England and the Netherlands but was later moved closer to the French Empire. After different protests, Brittany was abolished until the 20th century. Then Charles de Gaulle decided that Britons were punished enough and resurrected the region. However, this gave birth to different nationalist movements. Sarkozy was about to ban Brittany again but Francois Hollande took his place.

As not many things take place in Brittany, [2] the most imortant events of the 20th century, were the Amoco Codiz and the Erika oil spill. They deeply marked Breton people and became a subject of Breton realist art movement.

Government

Political tendencies

The strongest political parties in Brittany are communist and socialist. But, as Britons never reveal their secrets, since the end of the Second World War have been trying to find out whether Britons have cooperated with Soviet spies or not.

Despite that, Brittany has a very strong Catholic and Conservative influence. [3]

Union Démocratique Bretonne

This UDB was founded in 1964 by fifteen young people (as the majority of terrorist groups) influenced by socialist ideas. Its strict internal discipline does not allow its members to go against the party and so none of the plans of the UDB have been revealed. As not much happens in Brittany, the French authorities have concluded that the Briton terrorists are not very successful.

However, amongst the achievements of the UDB is the fact that the European Union was created, although Britons wanted a Federation, not a Union. Also, the movement supports colonialism even though the colonies of Brittany are not very famous.

Since 1964 the Union Démocratique Bretonne has met three periods of crisis and one of success. Right now it is experiencing growth and so France is becoming more and more afraid of Brittany and is less and less willing to allow its reunification with other regions.

Geography

Climate and landscape

Even the eldest people in Brittany do not remember the times when the blue sky could be seen there. The region's climate has had a major influence on people's mood (they are always cheerful) and it has caused a great immigration from Normandy when the Normans found out that Brittany existed. This is the reason of all the conflicts between the two regions.

Much of the interior of the land occupied by the two million, eight hundred fifteen thousand and nine hundred people living in Bretagne is also occupied by a plateau called Argoat. The word 'Argoat' in reality means “country of the woods”. The plateau has a maximum height of roughly 245 meters (800 feet), with two exceptions, being woodland ridges.

Tourist attractions

Brittany menhirs

This is a typical Briton village... Or town.

The most important Briton tourist attractions is, of course, the Mont-Saint-Michel. The only problem is that Normans claim it to be theirs. The most visited town is Nantes, however it is also sometimes considered to be Norman.

Brittany house

One of the best hotels of the region.

Saint-Malo is not a very interesting town but, as nobody wants to dispute Brittany's ownership of that place, the UDB has begun considering it the region's primary attraction.

Tourist agencies say that the tourism in Brittany is very well developed (pictured) mostly because of its industries: agriculture and fishing.

Economy

Fishing is very popular in Brittany but Britons have a singular way of fishing. They catch a marine animal but do not kill it. On the contrary, they raise all the fish they catch, feed and keep them all in their pond, expecting that in several years there will be a way to produce energy using fish. Then Brittany will soon be industrialized and will get a lot of budget. The immigrants there will increase and the economy will be a lot better than in the rest of France. Finally, the French government (which will certainly have a lot of problems) will allow Brittany to separate for money.

However, as right now we cannot make energy using fish farms, the economy of Brittany is not progressing very quickly. There is not much immigration to this region right now it those who know about the plans of the Briton government, begin moving to Normandy because it is rather close.

The unemployment in this region is also very small because of the reasons mentioned above. All spare men are used to raise fish. The only problem is activity has right now is that sometimes errors occur and inexperienced people fish out something else except for fish from the water. Then, not to pollute the ocean, this something is named "seafood" and sold to the rest of France

References

  1. These are now the most practiced activities in the region.
  2. Opposite to Normandy, a region attracting all the conflicts.
  3. Communism exists for a long time and can be considered to be a part of the Conservative ideology.

See also

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