Brikwars

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Brikwars.

Brikwars is a Warhammer 40k ripoff an original strategy game played with Lego minifigures. It was invented by Mike Rayhawk in 1930, and has been remade in numerous editions.

edit Principles of play

Playing Brikwars requires two or more people who are into Lego and wargaming. This combination is rather rare, so most Brikwars battles are fought by just one person.

Each player constructs an army out of Lego. It is usually hastily built and turns out looking like crap, because everyone wants to start playing the god damn game already. Once the armies are constructed, the battle begins. The armies are placed on a table and one player (the Noob) rushes his army forward, while the other player (the Turtle) keeps his troops in cover and shoots the Noob's army to bits. Once a Noob has experienced enough of these battles, he will ascend and become a Turtle.

edit Brikwars Editions

edit 1930

As the great depression struck, unemployed artist Mike Rayhawk was looking for a way to make fast money. He noted that the game called Warhammer 40,000 was selling like never before despite its blatant overpricing, and Rayhawk plagiated the rules so they would work with Lego figures. The game was an instant success, as wargamers fed up with having to sell their left leg for a Grot could easily amass a huge army out of cheap plastic bricks.

edit 1945

At the end of World War II the second edition of Brikwars was released. It contained rules for all the weapons, combatants and innocent bystanders engaged in the war. This was a fresh restart for the game. Previously it had only contained rules for things Rayhawk thought were funny, such as AOLers and college students.

edit 1968

To cope with the pacifism that was on the rise throughout the world, Brikwars was adapted into a more politically correct game. The once fundamental parts about the USA's right to world domination were removed and replaced with vandalism and hippies ("dimmies").

edit 1998

As the Warhammer 40k Minor Forces had their importance reduced by GW, Rayhawk seized the opportunity and launched his Starship Civilizations, each of which was a ripoff of one of the minor forces. (Aennri = Eldar, Pantus = Necrons and so on...) This trick kind of worked, but the Brikwars veterans complained that the game was getting "juniorized". Always a turncoat, Rayhawk did not delay in abiding their wishes.

edit 2001

The mighty 0937-page tome that was the 2001 edition satisified even the most rules-adherering-fanatic-lawyer veteran. It contained rules for everything that might happen during a game of Brikwars, such as calculating the distance travelled by blown-off bodyparts, finding the correct direction for a sneeze, and so on. Unsurprisingly, this lead to Brikwars' loss of its entire younger audience (read: those under 60), and Rayhawk had to come up with a new scheme.

edit 2005

This was pretty much the opposite of the 2001 rules. Any rule that could be removed, had been removed (including armor saves, half the unit characteristics, magic, and turn sequence) and the game had been broadened even further to accomodate not only Lego, but any toy at all. Heck, you could play the game with rocks if you wanted to. Needless to say, the younger players came back into the game. Brikwars was now immune to even the most powerful Chinese bootleggers, as nobody could produce something cheaper or more scrappy.

edit Brikwars Units

Brikwars offers a wide selection of units that you can combine to make a powerful army.

  • Minifig: This is the most common unit; a little Lego guy armed to the teeth. Minifigs are of course not very good and rather boring, so those who play Brikwars to win at all costs (everyone) tend not to include minifigs in their armies.
  • Hero: A Hero must be based on a famous character from popular culture, and can do anything that person can do. Most people base their Hero on Chuck Norris in order to automatically win the game.
  • Officer: These lead minifig squads and are better than regular minifigs. Since nobody includes minifigs, officers run around alone on the battlefield giving orders to themselves, eventually developing schizophrenia (-2 Skill).
  • Dimmy: Wussy hippies that are occasionally included as cannon fodder. "Dimmy" is also a derogatory term for Noob players who refuse to evolve into a Turtle because they think Turtle tactics aren't interesting or characterful.
  • Sniper: Snipers have the greatest attack, range, and accuracy of all Brikwars units. They camp in impenetrable bunkers, and are the common soldiers of all effective Turtle armies.
  • Armoured Core: Humungous mecha built by Japan-loving fangirls.

edit Brikwars Fans

Fans of Brikwars tend to be geeks, kids, and geek kids. The Brikwars fans have collaborated to create a Brikwars Wiki, which is known for its well executed and informative articles.

edit See also

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