Brian Cox impressions

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Brian Cox explaining how he copes with all the impressions made of him.

There are literally billions and billions of impressions of Brian Cox in our Universe. In fact if we were to take the number of stars in our galaxy and times that by the number of grains of sand on every beach across the World, then what we would get is in infintesimely large number, which would be equal to the number of impressions there are of the famous physicist.

Some of these impressions are amazing. To think that for billions and billions of years my influence has spread across the Universe like a gas expanding to fill every corner of a room. The thought of it is just amazing.

edit The origin of the impressions

I've come to the top of the Himalayas on Mount Everest itself at the expense of BBC license payers to show you the origin of these impressions. If you look out into the vast expanse below you can almost make out the hundreds and hundreds of TV crew members trailing up the mountain behind me. The origin of these impressions is unknown but it is said that they began over 13 trillion years ago, when the impressions expanded outwards to form what we see today.

This phenomena is known as the "Big Bang" and I'm going to demonstrate this amazing event in the Universe's history it with these stones and this lump of ice that were shipped over from Antarctica to here specially for this demonstration. Now if we imagine that the lump of ice in the middle is me and the small rocks are the impressionists then if I keep producing TV and Radio shows and am big and famous then I exert more gravity onto the impressionists so their orbits get smaller and smaller as they come closer to me. After a while some even crash into me causing a huge collision with dust particles being shot up into the atmosphere. These dust particles can potentially cover the whole of the planet so that the sky would be blacked out by hundreds of impressions of me.


Terry Wogan doing an impression of Jon Culshaw doing an impression of Terry Wogan.

edit The best impression

The best impression of myself is found up there amongst the billions and billions of stars from BBC television. Jon Culshaw has a huge belt of orbiting celebrities which he impersonates on his show, "The Impressions Show." The Impressions Show is a newly formed super cluster only 500 light years away from Earth. We can tell that its atmosphere is made from a mixture of the elements Carbon and Nitrogen because of the electromagnetic spectrum. Each element gives off a different frequency of light waves when it is hit by the light waves and these waves can be picked up by telescopes here on Earth.

Jon Culshaw regularly appears on my shows next to me and emmits pulses of impersonations throughout the shows. These pulses are picked up using aerials on Earth and beamed directly to our TV screens. Using this we can tell how embarassed I am that people are doing impressions of me right next to me while I'm on TV.

edit The effect of the impressions

Every year millions and billions of these impressions are done all over the galaxy. It helped scientists discover life on other planets, as when they picked up the alien communication signals they were able to make out the impressions of me because it is known that I have a very prominent way of speaking.

The impressions can have a dramatic effects on the beauty and complexity of my respectful status as a serious physist. In many of these impression I am depicted and portrayed as saying things that makes no sense at all. About 4.4 billion years ago an impressionist made an impression of me that insulted me and left me distraught. In the end I decided to go and see him to complain about the millions and millions of impressions he was doing of me. On one point in time on the journey to see the impressionist, that amazing journey through the Attacama Desert, I tripped over and broke my leg.

I was almost left paralysed but amazingly I survived and here I am today thanks to evolution and the work of millions of tiny white blood cells healing my skin and my body. If I hadn't recovered in time there was an small possibility just 1 in ten thousand seven hundred and eight two that I would have ended up like another, famous, physicist Steven Hawking.

edit The continuation of the impressions

It is said that these amazing impressions could last for literally hundreds of trillions of years. If we were to put that into context with the current age of the impressions that would be like timesing the number of current impressions by the number of current impressionists and squaring that number. And we know this because I said so and I'm right.

However there is another theroy that instead of the impressions constantly expanding there might be a point in the time of the Universe where I retire and the number of impressions begins to compress back in on itself as though you have just released a stretched elastic band. If this happens then soon my impressions will become no longer broadcasted and in fifty years time they will show a few of them on BBC 4 if you press the red button between 19:00 and 21:00.

edit See Also

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