Brian Boitano

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“Did someone say my name?”
~ Brian Denehey on Brian Boitano
“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”
~ Brian Boitano on Brian Boitano

Brian Boitano is a world renowned Olympic ice skater and emu farmer. He made his acting debut as himself in the box office hit South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut and since then has appeared in over 700,000 movies, 15,000 of which featured Rove McManus.

edit What would Brian Boitano do...

Some of Brian Boitano's promised actions to better our world....

  • ...if he were attacked by rabid squirrels? He would probably use his tae kwon do on them.
  • ...if he was interviewed by Larry King? He would bite his head off.
  • ...if he became the leader of the Clock Crew? He would dance around in his pants.

edit What DID Brian Boitano do?

~ Al Gore on Brian Boitano
  • Brian Boitano routinely saves fair maidens from grizzly bears in the Alps with his magical fire breath.
  • In 1850 Brian Boitano had to fight the King of France in order to save the Queen of England. The battle raged on for 14 years before Brian Boitano used his Triple Roundhouse Axle Twirl, a variation of his father's Roundhouse kick.
  • Brian Boitano travelled forward in time to the year 3010 and defeated the evil robot king to save the human race... again
  • Yesterday and tomorrow Brian Boitano was forced the fill out his tax forms. He used his complex Jewish tax handling skills to complete them in a matter of seconds.
  • Several thousand years ago, Brian Boitano built the pyramids while beating up Kubla Khan.
  • Helped the citizens of Lovely remove their despot King, King Danny I (deceased).
  • When he was in the Olympics skating for the gold, he did two salchows and a triple lutz while wearing a blindfold.

edit Brian Boitano VS Space Goats

In the non-existent 2003 Olympics Brian Boitano and the Space Goats went head to head in an ice skating showdown. Brian scored a perfect 7, leaving the Space Goats feeling ashamed. In an interview with a local radio station the Space Goats accounted their loss as bad luck. This was complete bull however and they were all executed for lying under oath.

edit Brian Boitano prepares for the 2006 Olympics against Oscar Wilde. End very long heading now!

Brian Boitano is currently preparing for the 2006 Olympics with long time friends Eric Cartman, Phil Margera, and Effrum the Retarded Rabbit. He will be competing against returning champion Oscar Wilde. He admits the challenger will be tough, but has undergone a fast tempo musical montage to prepare.

edit Powers

  • Super Strength and Endurance
  • Flight
  • Super Speed
  • Magical Fire Breath
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