Brent Cross

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Brent Cross in 1930.

“Brent Cross - only slightly worse than the Harlequin”
~ Oscar Wilde on Brent Cross
“We were ony following orders!!!!!”
~ The Baber Smith advertising agency on Brent Cross

Brent Cross is a famous shopping centre, formed by Stalin in 1930 to accumulate capital to further his nefarious goals. The resulting financial "problems" mostly explain Russian history ever since.

edit History

In 1931 Brenty Kross declared itself an independent country by handing the Declaration of Independence at de-atomisation laser point to the world leader at the time (Chuck Norris). The big sign saying 'Welcome to Brent Cross' was added at this time to signify the independence. In 2002 it was decided that the role of Brent Cross needed to change to World Dominance, therefore the centre was demolished, rebuilt, rebuilt again, then completed in 2005. Walls, parking and politeness were, well, extras that were just seen as "un-needed". World domination was completed in 2010.

Plans proposed by the Baber Smith advertising agency in 2000 to paint the 'Grey piece of shit' a darker shade of grey were thrown out by Hammerson because they were seen to be 'too ambitious'. Hammerson then explained that anyone disagreeing would be 'subjected to the worst punishment known to man' (being made to park cars at Brent Cross). A spokesperson on the decision to not change to a darker grey with his last few breaths correctly stated 'You can't polish a piece of shit' before being eaten alive by guard dogs.

Did you know...
...that from 19.39PM to 19.45PM when saturn is in the third house, if you stand on your head and say three times "there is only one communism and stalin is its saviour" and you look very, very hard, then you can see that the shape of Brent Cross resembles Stalin's left testicle (well that at least proves that the architect had some idea of what he was doing in mind, i always thought that the architect vomited on a piece of paper and then built what he saw...)
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Brent Cross.

In 2007 as a kind act of 'kindness' (meaning for publicity) to the staff at Brent Cross (who are realistically serfs), it was decided that 'Whippoes Circus' should come for a few months to entertain them. However literally some people protested at the 'cruelty' to animals so Brent Cross officials decided to nuke them. However a stray missile from Brent Cross 'accidentally' hit The Harlequin, destroying it and bouncing off into Bluewater. Unconfirmed reports suggested that everyone at Brenty Kross was pleased. In a press statement a serf said 'GG pal lolzzz'. This proved a key point in the world domination by Brent Cross as the last places that stood for peace, justice and value for money had been destroyed - Canada. It also had conveniently destroyed all remaining competition in the galaxy.

180px-Death Star

A picture of the refurbished Brent Cross in 2005

Brent Cross (pronounced Brenty Kross in Russia) is run by Hammerson whose motto is 'shit on the little guy', and they certainly have lived up to it with their new "Development Framework" plan. Hammerson started this plan in 1939 by charging for parking at Brent Cross and invading Poland, now they have decided to charge for breathing, eating, walking, talking (per syllable), blinking and shopping. Several people have attempted to evade the walking charge by 'running', however they were caught and turned into dark matter. The plan continued in 2008 with Hammerson destroying all buildings (& planets) within 20 miles of the centre causing approx. £37 of damage. They later defended their decision by saying 'fuck you' to reporters at a press conference before melting them.

In 1960 Brenty Kross officials decided that they would aggravate their remaining competition by increasing their 'Development Framework Plan', this however rapidly spiraled out of control and became what was later referred to as the 'cold war'. Hammerson's plan of turning eastern Europe into a giant car park was deemed by the Americans to be 'to good an idea' to be allowed and therefore tried unsuccessfully to intervene. The last person to try and interfere with Brent Kross plans was President JFK and look what happened to him...

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