Break Up Letter

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I hate you, Spang.
   
This is a CSS nightmare. Don't break it. If you do, ask [[User:EugeneKay]] for help. He'll be glad to fix it. He wrote this crap.
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<span style="color: #F00; font-size:64px; letter-spacing:2px; line-height: 1em">NOTICE</span><br>EFFECTIVE<br>IMMEDIATELY</div>
   
=========================================
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<div style="text-align: center; font-size: 32px; text-decoration: bold; padding: 1em">***NOTIFICATION OF BREAK-UP***'''</div>
   
Right, um, what he said. And if you want to edit the text, ask [[User:The Thinker]]. He wrote that non-code crap. He is also very grateful to EugeneKay.
 
 
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<div style="color: #F00; font-size:64px; letter-spacing:2px; ">NOTICE</div><br><br>
 
<div style="font-color:#000; font-size:40px; ">EFFECTIVE<br><br>
 
IMMEDIATELY<br><br><br></div></div>
 
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<br>
 
<div align="center" style="font-size: 32px; text-decoration: bold;">***NOTIFICATION OF BREAK UP***'''</div>
 
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|description=For those who can hear (as in, not your deaf sister),<br>Uncyclopedia has an audio recording of this break up.
 
|description=For those who can hear (as in, not your deaf sister),<br>Uncyclopedia has an audio recording of this break up.
 
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Brian Montgomery<br>
 
Brian Montgomery<br>
 
123 Fate St<br>
 
123 Fate St<br>
{{CURRENTMONTHNAME}} {{CURRENTDAY}}, {{CURRENTYEAR}}
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{{#time: F j Y}}
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<big>'''PERSONAL'''</big><br><br>
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<big>'''PERSONAL'''</big>
'''ATTN:''' Staci Loman<br>
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'''ATTN:''' Staci Loman
1432 Kitchenside Dr.<br>
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1432 Kitchenside Dr.
Probably like, Ohio<br>
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Probably like, Ohio
 
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Dear Ms. Loman,<br><br>
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Dear Ms. Loman,
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I know this information is coming at an inopportune time in your life; having a deaf sister is never an easy burden to bear. And I know that the recent C+ in Geometry has severely affected your relationship with your parents for the time being, leading to a terribly unfortunate loss of car-borrowing privileges. I also heard about your cat Chuckles. Again, I’m terribly sorry. However, I believe the time has come for us to see other people. Other people, as in <u>absolutely not each other</u>.
 
I know this information is coming at an inopportune time in your life; having a deaf sister is never an easy burden to bear. And I know that the recent C+ in Geometry has severely affected your relationship with your parents for the time being, leading to a terribly unfortunate loss of car-borrowing privileges. I also heard about your cat Chuckles. Again, I’m terribly sorry. However, I believe the time has come for us to see other people. Other people, as in <u>absolutely not each other</u>.
   
It’s not that I don’t love you. Actually no, I mean it ''is'' that I don’t love you. I definitely like you. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve rated the asses in this class, and you are definitely in my top 7. Maybe even top 4. Face not so much, but you’ve got a great ass going for you. And a personality (I think). Oh, and you’re smart. I know its only C+ smart right now, but that’s sure to change before Senior year (if you’re still planning on going to Stetson, young lady). The point is, you’re not going to be working at Chili’s forever, and that’s got to be worth something.
+
It’s not that I don’t love you. Actually no, I mean it ''is'' that I don’t love you. I definitely like you. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve rated the asses in this class, and you are definitely in my top 7. Maybe even top 4. Face not so much, but you’ve got a great ass going for you. And a personality (I think). Oh, and you’re smart. I know it's only C+ smart right now, but that’s sure to change before Senior year (if you’re still planning on going to Stetson, young lady). The point is, you’re not going to be working at Chili’s forever, and that’s got to be worth something.
   
I'm just acknowledging that we’ve seriously drifted apart – but more accurately, my eyes have seriously drifted, not necessarily apart, but more towards ''different'' asses. Asses which do not belong to you. And attached to some of those asses are nicer bodies than yours. And definitely nicer faces. Again, while I really do like you, I ''do'' have a car now, and I ''have'' been going to the mall, and the redhead at The Gap has ''really'' been expressing interest. You know I’ve always had a thing for redheads.
+
I'm just acknowledging that we’ve seriously drifted apart – but more accurately, my eyes have seriously drifted, not necessarily apart, but more towards ''different'' asses. Asses which do not belong to you. And attached to some of those asses are nicer bodies than yours. And definitely nicer faces. Again, while I really do like you, I ''do'' have a car now, and I ''have'' been going to the mall, and the redhead at The GAP has ''really'' been expressing interest. You know I’ve always had a thing for redheads.
   
I want you to understand that I’ve almost enjoyed our time together, and not once has your sister’s hideous abnormality embarrassed me in public. I also really appreciate being included in family functions – sorry I had so much to drink last Thanksgiving, by the way. Tell Uncle Jeff I still plan on reimbursing him for the necessary repairs to his billiards room.
+
I want you to understand that I’ve almost enjoyed our time together, and not once has your sister’s hideous abnormality embarrassed me in public. I also really appreciate being included in family functions – sorry I had so much [[Budweiser|to drink]] last Thanksgiving, by the way. Tell Uncle Jeff I still plan on reimbursing him for the necessary repairs to his billiards room.
   
 
In short, please leave me alone for as long as humanly possible. I know it’ll be hard (I do own a mirror).
 
In short, please leave me alone for as long as humanly possible. I know it’ll be hard (I do own a mirror).
 
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Not really yours anymore,<br>
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Not really yours anymore,
[[Image:Brisig.jpg]]<br>
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[[Image:Brisig.jpg]]
'''Brian Montgomery'''<br>
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'''Brian Montgomery'''
Former Boyfriend, Currently Eligible Bachelor<br><br>
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Former Boyfriend, Currently Eligible Bachelor
 
</div>
 
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<br>
 
<br>
<nowiki>**</nowiki>'''PS''' – The video will NOT be going online, I promise. The only person who has even seen it is Rob. He liked it very much and agrees that you have a great ass.<br>
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<nowiki>**</nowiki>'''PS''' – The video will NOT be going online, I promise. The only person who has even seen it is [[User:RAHB|Rob]]. He liked it very much and agreed that you have a great ass.<br>
 
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{{FA|revision=2727029|date=14 January 2008|text=This standard form letter has been featured on the front page. &mdash; You can vote for or nominate your<br> favourite articles at [[Uncyclopedia:VFH]]. But please, don't tell Staci that I showed you '''''the video.'''''}}
   
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| align="right" valign="middle" | <span class="plainlinks" style="font-size:90%;font-style:italic;padding-right:1em"> Featured version: [http://uncyclopedia.org/index.php?title=Break_Up_Letter&oldid=2726506 14 January 2008]</span>
 
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| colspan="2" |<div align="center"><small>This standard form letter has been featured on the front page. &mdash; You can vote for or nominate your<br> favourite articles at [[Uncyclopedia:VFH]]. But please, don't tell Staci that I showed you '''''the video.'''''</small></div>
 
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Latest revision as of 22:17, November 21, 2012

NOTICE
EFFECTIVE
IMMEDIATELY
***NOTIFICATION OF BREAK-UP***

Brian Montgomery
123 Fate St
December 9 2014

PERSONAL ATTN: Staci Loman 1432 Kitchenside Dr. Probably like, Ohio

Dear Ms. Loman,

I know this information is coming at an inopportune time in your life; having a deaf sister is never an easy burden to bear. And I know that the recent C+ in Geometry has severely affected your relationship with your parents for the time being, leading to a terribly unfortunate loss of car-borrowing privileges. I also heard about your cat Chuckles. Again, I’m terribly sorry. However, I believe the time has come for us to see other people. Other people, as in absolutely not each other.

It’s not that I don’t love you. Actually no, I mean it is that I don’t love you. I definitely like you. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve rated the asses in this class, and you are definitely in my top 7. Maybe even top 4. Face not so much, but you’ve got a great ass going for you. And a personality (I think). Oh, and you’re smart. I know it's only C+ smart right now, but that’s sure to change before Senior year (if you’re still planning on going to Stetson, young lady). The point is, you’re not going to be working at Chili’s forever, and that’s got to be worth something.

I'm just acknowledging that we’ve seriously drifted apart – but more accurately, my eyes have seriously drifted, not necessarily apart, but more towards different asses. Asses which do not belong to you. And attached to some of those asses are nicer bodies than yours. And definitely nicer faces. Again, while I really do like you, I do have a car now, and I have been going to the mall, and the redhead at The GAP has really been expressing interest. You know I’ve always had a thing for redheads.

I want you to understand that I’ve almost enjoyed our time together, and not once has your sister’s hideous abnormality embarrassed me in public. I also really appreciate being included in family functions – sorry I had so much to drink last Thanksgiving, by the way. Tell Uncle Jeff I still plan on reimbursing him for the necessary repairs to his billiards room.

In short, please leave me alone for as long as humanly possible. I know it’ll be hard (I do own a mirror).

Not really yours anymore, Brisig Brian Montgomery Former Boyfriend, Currently Eligible Bachelor


**PS – The video will NOT be going online, I promise. The only person who has even seen it is Rob. He liked it very much and agreed that you have a great ass.


190px-Featured.png

Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 14 January 2008
This standard form letter has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your
favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH. But please, don't tell Staci that I showed you the video.
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