From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“I get to ride many aeröplanes wherever south of Brändenburg, because the Royal Air Force häs dispösable income!”
Brandenburg as a zmall zity? Zis vas not a zmall citi. No, no, no. Zis vas a great citi since ze beginning of time! Ze greatest that vaz. Ze French once zed it vasn't. We show'd zem! Hah. Und nov to the important matters at hand.
The Map of Brandenburg
There is no map. The city is so vast and great that not only it will overcome any weary traveller, frenchman or otherwise, but it will terrorise everything in sight. Once it will overcome Europe (Russia included) and turn it into the greatest beer-drinking, cheese-consuming, coffee-shunning Empire that ever was, is and will be since the beginning of time, no matter what Oscar Wilde says, all shall be awed by its might. The official map of Brandenburg is the one (1) dollar bill. The actual map can be found in the symbol of the Freemasons from the center of the eye. Yes, Brandenburg owns them.
You Take The High Road And I'll Take Silesia, You Dumb Who*e
As fate would have it, around the time of the first and last great grue crusades (1452-1901+2 A.D.), young Friedrich (87 years young) got into an argument with Austria's Overlord, Mary Theresa, over the television rights to the Gay Parades in Saxony. Since they were both civilised adults, they decided to settle the matter over a hot cup of war (declared officially by Mary Theresa in her sleep, on the night before it began).Upon hearing of the mobilisation of Austrian troops, Friedrich immediately captured Saxony, in the overrated Seven Minute War, faltering the plans of the Austrian Overlord and her somnambulant advisors. A peace treaty was drawn up hours after the conflict had expired, which not only gave full Saxonian rights (television and otherwise) to Friedrich's Brandenburg/Prussia, but also proclaimed Mary Theresa Worse Dressed and Sexually Inclined Overlord of The Year...oh, and the germans also got Silesia...At the signing, Friedrich the Great was quoted saying "SYKE!", and engaging in sexually explicit victory dances.
For a period of several decades, Prussia would attempt to control and manipulate the German states to the North and South-East of Finland, Latvia and Wall Street, via evil rabbi-eating umpires (not to be confonded with the actual umpires) let lose into town squares, churches, water supplies and porn shops. This scheme ultimately failed, and it has been marked down in history as the last of the pre-Realpolitik attempts at the unification of the Holy-Mother-Of-God-And-All-That-Is-Holy-Roman Empire
Legacy of Krupp: Defiance
In the mid 19th century, the catalyst mainly responsible for turning Brandenburg into the state that will kick your lousy ass should you have common borders with it was the Krupp cannon, the brainchild of The Brothers Murky, distant relatives of the fabled Brothers Grimm. Brandenburg's army, now equipped with fire power matched only by the wrath of God, attempted to conquer AND destroy everything that dared speak German without being German. In a series of rampant invasions, Brandenburg annexed Spain (1854), Belgium (1854), Malta (1854), New Orleans (half of 1854) and The Aztec Empire (1855), forcing their newly acquired provinces to hate the French and bury everybody! This glorious period in the history of Brandenburg has been named Steve Ballmer. Later on, one of the greatest weapons of terror to spawn forth from the secret CIA labs of Microsoft would bare the same name.
The main area of commerce is taken here in Brandenburg by the Grue Raising Factories that play a fundamental part in the economy of the state. Other sources of income are hunting rabbits with the Panzers and invading the Polish. Here can be found the main Krupp Factories. Anyone who knew they could be found in Heidelberg, was a traitor and he is to be shot on sight. Mercedes is just a cover-up for the mass building of tanks, nuclear arsenal, Ucrainaian Irradiated Maggots and beer.
Prussia - The Real Deal
Of course everything that was said about Prussia is a lie. Nothing is trustworthy, but what lies written here. By rights of ancestry, common origins and Panzers, anyone who dares defy our Holy State will experience a brusque and irrevocable lack of life. Look what happened to Austria. Hah!