Brand New

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Brand New at a recent show at a county fair in Alabama.

Brand New is an Arkansas-based jazz band of old men who have been playing in the band for around 25 years.

edit History

They got the name from the fact that when they first started playing shows, people simply referred to them as that "brand new band." Now, more than 20 years old, the name is kept for mere irony. It doesn't make people laugh anymore. It also doesn't help that their fans are now way too old to comprehend anything.

They rose to stardom with their hit songs "Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, Speak in Japanese so I can fulfill my promise to exact revenge on that girl that as subtle as a phallus in the small of my back", and The Big Lebowski are Some of My All-Time Favorite Movies So Fuck Off and Die" and "What In This Great Big World of Ours Could I Possibly Accomplish By Going on a Double Date With You, Your Best Friend Stacy, and Her Mom (Who Has Got It Going On)?"

The band is well known for making mix tapes and sending them to their friends as last minute birthday gifts. At least it looks like you put some thought into the gift right? Anyway, the band had a holy war with the Christian band Taking Back Sunday for 30 years, but they have since come to terms with each other, even going as far as to make a Christmas EP together. The two bands were feuding because the lead singer of Taking Back Sunday, Applegate Lagare, once put the underwear of Brand New in the freezer on a tour.

For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Brand New.

edit Trivia

  • If you feel the urge to puke right now it's probably because Taking Back Sunday was mentioned in this page. A perfectly shitty band, "How could they be connected to Brand New?", you ask? Well actually Jesse Lacey is only really in Brand New. His body is only used when being involved in anything having to do with Taking Back Sunday. He is actually being mistakenly possessed by Church from Red vs. Blue.
Personal tools