Brain in a vat

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Brain2
Look how smart I am for saying everything isn't real aren't you proud of me

The brain in a vat scenario is a philosophical thought experiment which seeks to prove that philosophers are so fucked up in the head that they might as well detach and subsequently submerge their cognitive faculties in a pool of unspecified liquid. While good-hearted normal people employ common sense to make their way through life, these fucking bearded pricks just sit around and bullshit about how reality isn't real or some shit. Like what the fuck? Why not fucking contribute to society?

edit History of assholes who thought they were fucking geniuses for questioning reality

Plato-thumb
Stick your fucking brain in this vat, dick.

For starters, Plato, an ancient Greek philosopher, thought that we were all chained up in the Grand Canyon or some other fucking weird-ass shit. Yeah, reality isn't real, but there's this inexplicable cave in Arizona. What the fuck ever. And then some family of tourists would cast a shadow on the wall, because there's fire in the cave all of a sudden, and that's what we're seeing right now. Yeah. Just a bunch of fucking Grand Canyon tourists.[1]

And it's not like ancient China had anything better: there biggest philosophical dilemma was whether or not they were all fucking butterflies. Apparently, some little shit named Zhuangzi dreamt he was a butterfly, and then when he woke up he couldn't fucking tell if he was still a fucking butterfly. Yeah, philosophy's really practical. It's not about questioning the reductive physical nature of the mind or pondering the reality of the future. It's all goddamn butterflies.[2]

edit The brain in a vat

MK003-006
Reality according to Plato

Obviously we have a real issue here, pretentious douches frolicking around about how intellectual they are. That's why they've come up with the brain in a vat, so we can remove the brain of these assholes and gently immerse this neural centerpiece in a vat. Then we'll just cap the vat and store it somewhere else until we accidentally knock it over and the brain spills out and the cerebral cortex goes everywhere and all that bullshit about reality and questioning and solipsism and scepticism goes spilling out as the glass breaks and we step on it with our shoes and the ideas are annihilated as we get entranced by this repetitive cerebral extermination and just destroy it so we dont have to deal with it anymore and society is just better off we look out the window and everyone is so happy living and breathing and all of it's real thank god we don't have to deal with these fucking assholes ever again go die if you think youre smart for rejecting common fucking sense

edit References

  1. Plato. The Republic and caves and other nonsense with a forward by Dr. Seuss. p. 4.
  2. Zhuangzi. Why I'm a butterfly and can't tell philosophy from a fucking hole in the ground. p. 8.
Personal tools
projects