From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“Swallowing cum is vegetarian.”
“The neighbor's veggie dish is divine.”
Brahmin specie is a breed mix of half cow, half human and half libyan fornicator. They started as fictional characters in 'Amba in wowland' and later became real, thanks to the efforts of Bono and Queen Latifah. They are members of the highest 'Varna' in Hinduism and were so ahead of their times that around 1000 BC, they constructed a time Machine and casting evil chants and blobs of Mescaline at Aldous Huxley, downloaded Brave New World from his Vista Enabled PC, without his permission and incorporated the caste system into their Scriptures. Even though they are so forward, they believe that cow's urine is pious and start their day gulping down gallons of the same. Superstions for Brahmins are like bean tacos for Mexicans. They adore them, eat them, drink them and live on them. They believe that if they start for some work and someone sneezes, the fullupticals (totally not made up) from the sneeze go and molest their success chances. They believe that if a black cat crosses the road they are walking on, the cat's pee automatically comes out and hits them in their eye. That's why they run back home as soon as they see a black cat. Cat Woman Halle Berry has not yet commented on these allegations on her kind.
The so called preservers of all knowledge, the people born of privilege who often brag about their fairer complexion.
These are the people whom you will often find eating a chicken sandwich outside a Subway in Pune. They never marry Muslims, but are the first people to eye beautiful Muslim girls of Iranian Descent. You will never ever find a homosexual Brahmin, for such things are never talked about...(Gay Brahmins are too busy being surreptitious). Some Brahmins might always claim to be teetotalers, but be sure to spot one such Brahmin at your local pub who in a drunken rage will chant all sorts of meaningless mantras which neither he, nor a sober Brahmin, will ever understand. One must keep it in mind that a brahmin is never corrupted, eighter he drinks or he visits a whore ,as a pearl is always a pearl even in mud.This rule doesn't apply to any other caste as per the Vedic rituals(Ref: Manu smriti)
Many people believe Brahmins are white supremacists from Europe that settled in India.
The only jobs suitable for Brahmins, according to a few of their seniors, are those which are 'respectful', which means Brahmins would only be Doctors, Lawyers, Engineers and priests if the inbreds were to have their way.
Even the time of an enemy's attack can be predicted by viewing a horoscope so that then can get their defense ready. Brahmins are secret ninjas and have the excellent weapon of a water 'chembu' (a utensil with holy water, holy from holy Cow), where mere sprinkling of a few drops of holy water and muttering a few mantras on the opponent (extreme super hard core black magic) can turn him/her into a pig/dog/chipmunk etc... Proved as truth by the reliable bollywood, Brahmins warn everyone of their powers.
Although the author of the Kamasutra was a Brahmin, Sex is never talked about in a Brahmin Household rather, he learned it from the neighbouring chamaar´s wife or stray animals. Brahmins are so smart, they merely need to invoke the god of genetic engineering from the pantheon of millions of Hindu gods in order to reproduce. This Ritual can only take place between two Brahmins, attempting to reproduce with a non-Brahmin usually leads to infertility...(a non-Brahmin probably has a terrible STI anyway)
WARNING: using words such as 'masturbation' and 'blow job' may cause a Brahmin's head to Asplode!.
Sharma - Many time called 'simply sharma', is a very shy person. Along with Verma, he creates the most famous (read hilarious) couple of Indian literature. Many people think that they are Gay, but once Sharma told me secretly in bed that he would rather get fucked by a tranny than Verma. Oh wait, did just tell I was in bed with him? Damn! I gotta control myself.
Verma- He is not actually a Brahmin. He himself is confused, or might not want to tell. But he says he is sure a Gay couple with Sharma, he told me once in bed. Damn! Did I tell that again?
A nation united by virtually nothing, please
|States: Chandigarh • East Bengal • Kashmir • Kerala • Maharashtra • Nepal • Tibet • Tulu Nadu|
|Religions: Buddhism • Hinduism • Tantra • Zoroastrianism|
|Funny guys: Barkha Dutt • Mohandas Gandhi • Rudyard Kipling • Dalai Lama • Rabindranath Tagore • Mother Teresa|
|A zoo-full of deities: Allah • Ganesha • Hanuman • Kali|
|Languages: Engrish • Hindi • Sanskrit • Telugu|
|Other stuffs: Bangalore • Bhagavad-gita • Bollywood • Cricket • Brahmin • Curry • Football • Indian hippies • Indian Institutes of Technology • Jat • Mango • Ramayana • Rock • Rupees • Turban • Urumi • VJTI|