Brønnøysund
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“Why the hell cannot these people spell proper English when they add stuff on this page?"
~ Oscar Wilde on Brønnøysund
“They are all imbeciles!”
~ Obi Wan Kenobi on Brønøysund
“This is a really great place”
~ Fidel Castro on Cuba
“No it's not...”
~ Americans on Cuba
“You talking about Cuba?”
~ Fidel Castro on Cuba
“Yeah.. Cuba sucks”
~ Americans & Mordi on Cuba
Contents |
[edit] History
- According to the holy bible, God was so tired from the seven days of creating, that he jerked off 2 days after, he thought the smegma was disgusting, and threw it down on earth. Thus Creating Brønnøysund
- According to Pangean theory, time formed the peninsula were you today can find Brønnøysund.
- According to Hinduism: People of the lowest cast, which has to be demoted, ends up in Brønnøysund
- According to Brønnøy-mythology : there was a evil forming in the east, the smoke could be seen from miles and miles away. So three Local Heroes of Brønnøysund went on a most daring quest: To claim the throne of England and stop the plague that was spreading about in Europe. Their names was "Thor Storkuk", "Ingvald Stompfoot" and "Vegar i Fjellan". They started their quest in Brønnøysund at whats now called schrødersplass, also referred to as the Brønnøysund triangle. They were accompanied by the local wizard "Loke" And they had to walk the long walk to Sømna by foot. Whilst on the way to sømna they were attacked by some trolls! and LOKE was killed, but before the trolls had the chance to eat the others, the sun rose in the east and turned them into stone. Now they could continue their important quest for the throne of england and to stop the plague from reaching Brønnøysund and kill the smoke in the east. Anyway, they met with Sømna's great son, Oskar the moonshine guy. And they all got really drunk. also the vikings from Sømna came and joined in. Soon they were completely wasted. Later they woke up on a viking ship with on-course for England. Everybody knows the rest of the story so I will not bore you further with this, but at the end they returned to Brønnøysund as heroes and founded what we know as Brønnøysund or Little Berlin today. (From the second world war)
[edit] Employment
- People in Brønnøysund usually work as secret employees of the secret database of secret stuff: "Brønnøysundregisterene". Their job title is described as "Hairdresser" which can explain why there is 450 hairdressers for a community of 7500 people.
- Those who are not hairdressers usually don't work and have the job description "Bum"
- Brønnøysund has slowly been overrun by the fearsome Co-op federation. after Samvirkelaget, the only real opposition was brutally killed in 1992. After the leader of the opposition was killed, the others that stood against Co-op soon followed. Aarsstrand was taken over by a under-organisation who takes its orders from Co-op Mega. This organisation is called Co-op Prix. Co-op has many partners. One of them is Handelsstanden. Handelsstanden are the guys who make their workers work more during christmas. The only store left that is not under the Co-op empire is Spar, but they are equaly evil.
[edit] Education
In Brønnøysund's 5000 year history, there has been no knowledge of schools of any sort. Because of this, everything the people in Brønnøysund know, is either learned from television, or the internet. The evidence of this is the bad spelling of the people who writes stuff on this page.
[edit] Tourist Attractions
- Brønnøysunds biggest attraction is Torghatten (The Torg Hat) This is the worlds biggest hat. It was made in Rome and given to the Norwegian Viking Chief Snorre Snørrlason as a token of surrender after the Vietnam war in 1975. This is the biggest symbol of Brønnøysunds Glory Days.
- Today there is a big hole through it which can remind of a gothic cathedral. The hole is by the local people called "The Hole" and was made by Superman in 1982. This is also were the original Superman Actor fell of a horse and was paralyzed
- The only thing worth catching a glimpse of in Brønnøysund, except from "Torghatten" is "The Brønnøy Triangle"
- The Brønnøy Triangle consists of three pubs located in the centre of the town, creating a triangle. Just like the more famous Bermuda triangle, losses are high in this triangle too.
- These losses however are caused by drunken people walking around, hitting each other with the BrønnøyStick and singing their anthem: The "Brønnøysundsangen" (The Brønnøysund Song)
- In the centre of the triangle, tickets are taken for good seats to watch this spectacular show. Ticket prices From NOK 100,- or 20 US$ for ticket to join with song sheets with the "Brønnøysundsangen" (The Brønnøysund Song) and a special handcrafted signature BrønnøyStick to take home as a souvenir.
- Brønnøysund is the shotgun capital of the world and the surrounding places are also taking a shine to this new trend.
- www.BigBrother.no has it's hotseat here.
- Norwegian Idol Michael Volnes is one of the biggest stars of this city after he sang "rompa mi" during the Idol-audition in Trondheim.
[edit] Places To Eat
- Milano is a popular place to eat, where they serve Popeye Pizza which makes you look like him for 3 days. This is not because of the fantastic recipe, but the fact that their kitchen is swarming with space bacteria. They have been closed by the authorities many times.
- Shell is the place to go after watching the spectacular show in the Brønnøy Triangle. Here you can meet all the stars from the show, and if you want, you can easily pick up a fight or two with the local soccer heroes
- TD serves the best burgers in the world. The taste of a burger there, can only be compared to the taste of a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster from "The Hitch-hiccups Guide To The galaxy"
[edit] How to avoid coming to Brønnøysund
Never drive your car north of Trondheim. you could also end up in the fearsome Mosjøen or Sandnessjøen where there are only rats!
[edit] How To Get Away
You can't... you have to die here and hope that you are re-incarnated somewhere else.
- DON'T PANIC
[edit] Local Heroes Of Brønnøysund
- Stian Høyholm - Has counted to infinity , TWICE! .
- Alexander Toftesund - A former member of A-team.
- Magne Holand - The Cheapest whore in Norway
- Vegar Mjøs - the founder of www.smegma.no
- Sigurd Elvebakk Herrera- Sigurd, the only guy from Brønnøysund who is going to play soccer for an international team. He is the greatest Brønnøy-hero ever, and every single person from Brønnøysund know his name! Sigurd has a blue and black checkered sweater, he uses it when he can, because it attracts people who play chess, and Sigurd loves chess and they use his stomach to play chess. The sweater is the perfect playing-board, because Sigurd can hold his breath in 58 minutes(an average time for chess-match to finish) this will keep the playing-pieces steady and they can finish off their chess match
- David Dundas Brandt - Olaf Palme homicide Suspect.
- Marius Andersen - The man who brought the 133 tongue language to Brønnøysund, although he is kind of slacky talking.. He's also a good, well learned worker, and ex-stepdad.
- Ulrik Saltnes - Fredrik Haaheim and Ola Bratsberg just loves him! And Ulrik him self don't know who they are.
- Andreas Kjølsøy - He is the ultimate hero, with his ability to masturbate on demand and give sperm to all the lesbians that need to be in-serminated. So now there are running around a lot of small andreases all over europe, without no intention of doing any good. This will make Brønnøysund look so much better than the rest of the world in the future...
- Jan Solbakk - Police guy who apparently can only say "NO"
- "Big Bredo" Olsen - This extremly big and white man, is an local hero of Brønnøysund, because he is the only guy in Brønnøysund who can't chill out in the sun for more than 2 minutes and 37 seconds. If he is chillin' in the sun for more than 2 minutes and 37 seconds, his shaved head will get red as a lobster, and will die in 10 seconds!
