Boxing
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“I have taken a great many lickings in the ring, I can tell you”
~ Noel Coward on Boxing
“I'm The boxing queen!”
~ James Faragher on boxing
“Ain't gonna be no rematch!”
~ Apollo Creed to Rocky on boxing
“My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!!”
~ Mike Tyson on boxing
Boxing is also known as "The Sweet Science," possibly due to the sport being overrun by athletes calling themselves "Sugar Ray." The object of boxing is to bet on the winning fighter. In boxing, the winner is determined by whichever boxer can leave the boxing ring (hereafter referred to as "the square circle") under his or her own power. The loser is anyone who pays $49.95 to see a fight that ends two minutes into the first round.
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[edit] Rules of Boxing
- No biting (or biting ears off, yes you know who you are), no eye gouging, no hitting below the belt. When I say break, I want you to break. I want a clean fight, OK? All right, touch gloves and come out at the bell. Make sure you don't hug your opponent either like that lassie John Ruiz.
- In an argument about boxing, boxing fans are required to at least mention "its a science!" (which is really retarded because everything is a science, including the anatomy of a pile of shit.
[edit] History of Boxing
500 B.C. Don King's hair achieves sentience
~23 A.D. The hair fixes it's first mega-event. A previously unknown smuck named Jeebus magically "resurrects" some guy named Lazarus. Profits exceed 10 goats and 50-60 chickens. Jeebus changes his name and has a book written about him.
The Earl of Sandwich is usually given credit for inventing boxing as we know it today during the Summer of Love (June–September 1766). Feeling a little drunk, the Earl, whose real name was Maurice, sucker punched a visiting dignitary. Rather than be knocked out, the dignitary, whose name was also Maurice, fought back, landing a wicked right to the Earl's mouth, causing him to swallow three teeth. When both men had thoroughly exhausted themselves, they agreed that they should call their sport "boxing," since "shuffleboard" had already taken by the Earl of Schnitzel (real name: Maurice) some years beforehand. This day would be forever celebrated as Boxing Day.
Boxing quickly spread as more people learned the joy of beating their friends to a bloody pulp. This necessitated the creation of an internal governing body. Thus, NASA (National Association Sport Association, as boxing is sometimes known as the national association sport) was born. The head of NASA is Kathie Lee Gifford, wife of Frank "The Human Love Machine" Gifford.
Occasionally, a story was told of one who could float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. This boxer was regarded with curiousity until people realized (With a "z". A Z!) it just meant he punched like a girl.
[edit] Extended Rules of Boxing
The rules of boxing have changed through out the years and evoulved from two men punching each other until one or more of them died to a well gaurded sport in whitch minorities punch each other for the white mans entertainment.
In 1952 at the annually held evil whitey meeting where the typical main subject of how to oppress and exploit the blackman in out valient efforts to "hold him down" it was decided that we would leave the punching to death to the minorities and the management and paper work for ourselves.
This killed 2 birds with one stone.
- A) if the minorities punched each other to death that would solve overpopulation
- B) We could successfully cause hardship for the black man which would in turn solve our governments main mission of Designing a system in witch the black man is held down.
Joe Calzaghe is very black, as is Wladmir Klitschko.
[edit] Greatest Fights of All Time
The rectangle prizm vs. the cube was the most courageous and memorable moments in boxing history.
Ali vs Frasier on the other hand sucked.
Rasmuscles from Bruxelles is the only fighter in history, who has been T.K.O'd by his own bodyhair.
PS: Batman
James Hinton vs Jonathon Tonkin
