Border collie. Very black and white.

The Border collie is a dog breed bred in the 17th century in the border area of England and Scotland. The aim was to develop an agile, sharp and endlessly energetic sheep herding dog. It was said that when breeding, one must always keep in mind the slogan “They were bred for work and work only.” At the end of the 18th century, Scottish and English shepherds took a look at their dogs and stated in unison: “Oh fuck.” (From those times on, this phrase has prevailed in the minds and on the lips of Border collie folks.) They realized they had created and animal that was to strip the dog world of all joy. What would happen if it were to become a dog with a conspiratory and misleading reputation of a normal pet? What if it were to make all other breeds seem useless and ridiculous half-wits at all dog sports? Would it deprive normal dog enthusiasts of the possibility of the glee of winning? This fear was to become reality.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Border collie.


Can look like whatever, but its eyes must creep out the sheep, and regrettably all others as well.


Border collies herd with the “eye”, i.e. a hypnotic stare. From a bystander’s viewpoint, one could conclude that this might be the reason why they are called dogs “that do not need a lead”.

Treatment and handling


Bed and Boarder Collies. No sheep for these two.

Never give a Border collie any attention except as a reward for wanted behavior. If you, for example, happen to take a glance at a Border collie as it is sniffing a bag of garbage, you will soon find yourself working in odd jobs in its waste management business.

  • If you want to visit the loo in tranquility, as you sneak in, never mention the words “toilet”, “washbasin” or “wc duck active gel” or any other similar products that you do not intend to use.
  • It is not a good idea to accompany the Border collie with any other animals, since all it would do is to stalk them all the time. They do stalk each other, of course, which looks very idiotic as well, but on the other hand, it is quite fair to say that they deserve it.
  • Do not push aside your need of having time for yourself. Accept that achieving it might require some organizing. You can take advantage of your Border collie’s massage, osteopathy, acupuncture or physiotherapy appointment and visit a café with an agility friend while the dog is being treated.

Who is it for?


What they like doing.

Border collies are not for people who cherish their home. To be honest, it is best to spend as much time as possible as far away from home as possible, if you happen to be even little bit materialistic. A viable option is to switch to iron furniture. You can get pretty nice ones in gardening and country stores and modern art museums.

  • Border collies do not suit people who like to practice new skills and do nice things with their dog in a good, happy spirit. They suit people who want to win the world championship with a painful grimace and a foaming mouth.
  • One has to recognize that there is a connection between Border collies and people who like to use camel toe tights and too small hats. One can conclude from this that a deprived sense of humor attracts a deprived sense of humor.
  • Acquiring a Border collie requires not only a deranged mind but a very good ability to spur oneself. If a Border collie happens to make a mistake in any sport, the owners of other breeds tend to consider the owner a total idiot. Border collie people are often sneered at, which is typical for human nature when it experiences unfairness taken to its limits.

Translated from a Finnish article, which was probably written by an unknown owner of a kooikerhondje.[1]