Booby Hatch

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Boob torture
Boobs maturing in a hatchery

A booby hatch is a hatchery in which boobs, or breasts, as they are less commonly called by the vulgar, are nurtured to maturity, at which point they hatch, fully formed, and are ready for use in breast augmentation surgery or sex-reassignment procedures or as booby prizes.

edit Very Valuable Commodities

Cabbage Patch Breast
Boob disguised as a Cabbage Patch Doll's head

Very valuable commodities, especially for women whom God, nature, or both have cursed with pitifully small bosoms or for men who want to become women, as if such a grotesque feat were possible through mere surgery, boobs are protected by being disguised as the heads of Cabbage Patch Dolls. Usually, such disguises entail the use of yarn hair, wigs, ribbons, and, sometimes, oversize eyeglasses.

edit Adoption Considerations

Boobs almost always hatch as twins, although rarely, triplets may be born from the same egg, if nurtured to maturity, as shown in the documentary film Total Recall, they can fulfill the same function as a normal pair of breasts. Pairs Twins are never separated. If a woman or a wanna-be woman transsexual will not adopt both boobs, she or he is allowed none. Therefore, it is extremely important for adoptive chests to select wisely.

edit Size

Not only one's present needs, but also future requirements should be considered, and prospective recipients should realize that boobs that may be judged as being too small today may seem of perfect size years from now and vice versa. In general, it is best, perhaps, to select boobs that are too small rather than too large, as, gravity and the loss of muscle tone and epidermal elasticity that typically accompany the aging process often are unkind to big boobs, and they tend to sag over time, especially in women who prefer to go braless.

Booby Hatch Boob
A typical booby hatch boob

Sometimes booby hatch boobs come with a hands-on bra

Bra 2
Booby hatch boob with hands-on bra

edit Shape

Not only size, but shape, should be considered carefully in selecting offspring from the booby hatch. Typically, booby hatches hatch boobs in the following shapes:

The banana, or cucumber, shape, once admired by lesbians, has declined in popularity and, as a result, has been discontinued.

edit Color

Boobs come in three families (or races) of color:

  • Caucasian (pink)
  • Mongoloid (red or yellow)
  • Negroid (brown or black)

Although anyone may purchase any color of boob that she or he desires, it is recommended that one select the same color as the rest of her or his complexion, as, otherwise, one is apt to have permanent tan lines (or the lack thereof, depending upon the color chosen).

edit Maintenance

Booby hatch boobs are capable of supplying milk and are easily attached by surgeons. They require little maintenance following installation, but recipients should examine them periodically, as any other boob should be examined, and the wearing of an appropriate bra is recommended. Boobs generally do well in partial shade and should be watered daily.

edit Cost

The cost of boobs varies, but one should bring one's credit card and expect to pay Big Bucks.

edit See Also

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