Bognor Regis

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The royal throne of Bognor.

Bognor Regis, also called Bognor or 'WC' or short, is a small sea-side resort in England. It lies next to the 'posh' county town of Chichester, causing a lot of mayhem to the town due to increase numbers of Bognor people wanting to live there. Unlike Chichester, Arundel have actively used their historic castle to prevent the Bognor inhabitants settling down and sell their 'magical' brown sea water to the locals, in a bid to cure any disease caught from them.

edit Origin of name

Bognor, aka 'Bog', was once referred as one of the older Saxon place names in southern England. Before 700 AD, it was recorded as a place for local inhabitants to visit the toilet without needing to check into Portsmouth, hence the aged brown water sitting near Sussex. 'Regis' was later added in response for the increasingly popular and royal demands of using Bognor Regis, hence its name: 'The King of Toilets'.

edit Nature

Bognor Regis has the most sun light in England, as the locals are still trying to discover how to use light bulbs and the purpose of electricity. Also, there is a lot of wildlife in Bognor, since the opening of the sea-life resort as stated by Chavtowns - The nemesis of Estate Agents & Local Councilors:

...Bognor...contend with a high influx of visiting Chavs every Easter, summer and whenever else the chav kids get off school and they bring their children with them as well. The result of this has been cataclysmic for Bognor. Visiting Chavs from the four corners of Britain have procreated with the local Chavs leading to the creation of a hybrid super chav race. Double the Bling, Double The Shell Suits, Double The Burberry and Double the amount of pound shops…Bognor also sports a sixty Pence shop now as well, ‘Anne’s Sixty ‘P’ Bizarre’, bizarre indeed!!! These hybrids can now be found at all the infamous chav spots, but particularly in and around the beach. There is nothing more delightful on a summers day to walk down Bognor seafront and seeing little Chavettes of about 15 pushing a pram and screaming “ Britney (or other such Chav names) will you shut the F##K up I’m trying to roll a fag” or the joyous moment when she turns to the older son and points to the Pier saying “ look Tyrone that’s where Daddy knocked me up last year and that’s how we got Britney!!

Did you know that Bognor Regis, is in fact Panda free, and therefore the ideal place to plant cucumbers? However, when consuming such plantations, remember to use the latest and strongest anti-bacterial solutions, as well as testing the cucumber for unknown viruses.

edit Public Services

Bognor prides itself on the excellent public services held for its community, such as the less publicly known open prison, which opened in 1960, which is also a holiday camp. Before the year 2000 BC, the holiday camp built their version of the Millennium Dome, hoping they would sign Michael Jackson's 50 consecutive performances, as well as signing a multi-million pound deal with Oasis to perform after their V Festival performances in Chelmsford, during summer 2009. Although this contract was not refundable, this was in bid to entertain their high turnover of in-mates.

edit Tourism

People driving into Bognor would have seen a large, brown sign (the official colour of Bognor) would present the words 'What are you looking at?' In addition, 'The International Bognor Birdman' takes place on the resort's pier. This is where locals and visitors make human-powered 'flying' machines every summer and contestants launch themselves from the end of the pier, in order to get away from the resort. The prize is given to anyone who can permanently stay away from Bognor and never come back again.

edit Quotes

"The town of Bognor Regis is a quandary that is circumvent akin to the curse of contaminated manure."- Oscar Wilde's views after his visit to Bognor Regis.

"Turn back, where possible."- The latest SAT NAV updates when instructed to travel towards Bognor Regis.

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