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You have new Bogies! up your nose; I can see them.

A book about the phenomenon.


A board game about it. (Don't ask.)


Oops, typo.


Harry Potter gets in on it.


Nothing to do with anything.

That's right, it's back again. Dick and Dom's insanely annoying masterpiece! Shout it out in the supermarket, in a library, or in a Buddhist temple! Causes instant laughs, strange looks, or beatings.

edit First Usage

Bogies! was first played between Queen Victoria and Prince Albert at the trial of Jack the Ripper. The first round went smoothly with Her Majesty inserting her Bogies! into the evidence given against Jack (accused of eating a swan as part of his Masonic initiation). Albert quickly followed by attracting the attention of a policeman (or Bobbie) with his Bogies! cry, upon which instruction the policeman knelt and snotted on the judge, ending the trial and starting the 100 years war, still raging to this day.

Dominic Howard, star of 'Dick and Dom In Da Bungalow', where 'Bogies!' came into fashion, who had shouted "Bogies!" during the interval, was present at the trial, naked.

His partner on the show, Dick 'Cheese' McCourt, said that he was disappointed with his friend for only getting a 7.0.

edit Last Show

Dick and Dom were arrested after flooding an orphanage with real human bogies, on the last show of their series. Every orphan died of various diseases.

After an entertaining court case where the origins of the word 'Dick' were discussed, Dick and Dom were released because the boss of BBC stated that he "Didn't know that they were real bogies", and said that he'd "Bought them from the shop down the road, with the pervy shopkeeper". He was then shot.

Dick and Dom are now the owners of a nudist camp in Taiwan.

edit Places Where Bogies! Has Been Shouted

Since 1801, "Bogies!" has been shouted in numerous places, including retirement homes, churches, museums, outer space, bus stops, the Holy Vatican, mosques, school dining halls, Clapham high street, warthogs, Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square (while streaking), Ayers Rock (Ulurhhhhhu), in the original Wizard of Oz, the south pole, Butlins (Bognor Regis) and Mecca.

edit Controversy

It has been said that "Bogies!" was based on a game called "The Penis Game", where players must slice off their own penis with a chainsaw, while making as little noise as they can. (Obviously players must be male, as females do not have penises, except for some exceptions: see Carol Vorderman) The creators of the Penis Game (Who had actually based their game on "The Vagina Game") sued Dick and Dom for stealing their idea. But the Council of Sense and Order in the World stepped in, said that this was absolute nonsense, and executed the creators of the Penis Game.

Also, the original series of their TV show had Blink-182's Family Reunion as the opening theme, as well as faint, yet hearable Chinese ladies chanting "Satan!" in the backgrounds, though this was denied by Dick himself. "It's "Stilton", not "Satan" you asshole!!!" he told a curious 3 year-old fan.

edit Did you Know?

Dom is actually Desmond Tutu's aunty's sister's best friend's uncle's brother's sister's son's best friend's neice's uncle?

Dick is actually a popular rapper who has made a cameo appearance on Vanilla Ice's Hot Sex album as a violinist in an unreleased, uninvented track?

Dom once added £1 to his janitor's pay, doubled it, deducted £1, then halved it? The janitor was thrilled; so thrilled he ordered a porche, took all his family out on a very expensive dinner, and sold his home to buy a mansion, only to discover the hideous irony the next day?

Dom won £3,500,000 on the lottery once, but instead of using it to pay off his countless debts, he used it to pay the old Brazilian men who had captured and held his friend Dick hostage, threatening to castrate him if Dom did not pay them £1,000,000? (Yes, I know you're thinking that he still had £2,500,000 left, but he spent that on booze.)

edit Trivia

Bogies! just happens to be the name of a 2004 motion picture by Alexander Tom Phoo Le Rahno; it featured a run-through of a chav named Alexi's chavvy life, from her humble chavvy begginings, to her tragic murder by an overweight emo named Skid on her 17th birthday.

Bogies! was Graham Nottingham's favourite word for sometime during the 2003 presidential elections. The most common saying was, "Who's got your bogies? Go on, SAY IT!" he'd then expect his fellow followers to reply with "You do!", in perfect harmony. If not, he'd throw a tantrum and suffocate the nearest candidate with a Sainsbury's plastic bag. Luckily, this only happened twice.

Bogies! was officially voted "The Best Thing ever in The History of The universe EVER. Period" yesterday, beating sliced bread by 1 vote. (There was only 1 vote entered into the poll anyway.)


edit Alternate Versions

The most notable of all other versions of Bogies is Matt Damon. It is played in a very similar way, by which a person goes to a busy public place, and screams "Matt Damon", as loud as they can. Listen out for other people near by as they often reply with "shut up".

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