Boba Fett

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
2239462-star wars boba fett
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article very remotely related to Boba Fett.

Boba Fett is considered to be the #1 most overrated fictional character with a fan made background ever conceived. Originally Boba Fett was just a side character introduced into a Star Wars X-Mas Special, before becoming a background character in Empire Strikes Back. He was then seen in Return of the Jedi where he perished in a spikey intestine pit, later changed to a worms stomach when George Lucas couldn't contain his boner over adding additional CGI scenes in 1997. The onscreen persona of Boba was nothing of a bounty hunter in a cool costume, yet has been given a messiah persona by fan-boys and die hard Star Wars geeks making up their own mythology that Boba is in fact Jesus Christ in pajamas and a helmet. George Lucas unfortunately listened to what fan boys wanted, and is now mostly the whole reason why Star Wars episodes 1, 2 and 3 are epic failures. That's the actual Star Wars 1, 2 and 3, not episodes 4, 5 and 6 which may have been episodes 1, 2, and 3, but are actually now 4, 5 and 6. Boba will most likely return in parts 7, 8 and 9 which will actually be episodes 10, 11 & 12 just to avoid any confusions with the continuity.

edit Origin

After the completion of Star Wars episode 4, lets just say the first Star Wars film, George Lucas created a small holiday special entitled "Star Wars 1.2" which was to be seen as a mini episode before the next installment, The Empire Strikes Back. The reason you probably have never heard of the holiday special is probably because of two things. One, it was a cartoon. And two, it sucked. If anyone has remembered it, it's Star Wars fan-boys who where introduced to Boba Fett for the first time. The design was simmilar to the way he appeared in the movies. Those fan boys consider him to be the greatest looking bounty hunter in history, next to that guy from Renegade. Little will they admit it tho, Boba's design was pure accident, as the designer was asked by George Lucas to draw Santa, but ran out of red ink and drew a welding mask on him instead.

Boba was then inserted into the next movie Empire Strikes Back as a bounty hunter working for Jabba The Hut, who has tracked down Han Solo to turn him into an icicle-pop for a late Jabba midnight snack. Boba escapes with the Han-pop and takes him to Jabba's palace where the story continues into Return of The Jedi where not only do the good guys rescue Han, but embarrass Fett by revealing he can't drive his own jet pack, causing him to fall into a pit with teeth that burps as it eats Boba.

2931687-boba fett

Boba, born Empire, died Jedi. Deal with it!

edit Fan Boy Resurrection 1

Since Return of the Jedi, fan boys have tried to make a messiah out of nothing but a cool costume. George Lucas unfortunately listened to what fan boys wanted, and made Boba's back-story a major role in the new trilogy. Now whatever fan boys knew of Boba was changed to Boba being the son of Jango Fett, a bounty hunter, who the empire cloned a bazillion times to make Storm Troopers. It seems because the empire is dumb, the cloning process did not allow any of the Storm Troopers to be as smart or tough as Jango, as they where simply hench-men easily being picked off one by one.

Jango's fate was seeing Obi Wan Kenobi chopping his head off. Boba, a small child at the time and witness, decides he will carry on his fathers cool costume look, and call himself Boba. A pretty disappointing back-story even in fan-boys eyes. However now fan boys are demanding a Boba Spin off to rectify the reason why Boba never tried to track down Obi Wan for the death of his father. It's because he is a cheap side character in a cool costume that fan boys try to talk up as being something much bigger, but reality strikes their penis' down with a light sabre to admit that Boba is just a character that was never meant to be a main character.

edit Fan Boy Resurrection 2

The geek followers of Boba are now demanding that Boba have his own spin off series. They have been hard at work denying that Boba is nothing more than a second rate actor in a costume and demand his story be told. Excuses as to how Boba did not die in that worm pit have already been seen in action in the special Robot Chicken Star Wars episodes. Now fan-boys are demanding Seth "Lord" Green take over the writing of the fairy tales for Star Wars 7, 8 and 9... which are actually 10, 11... oh, let's not go through that again.

As of 2015, Boba looks to emerge in a new Disney spinoff series called Boba in Wonderland. The show will be narrated by William Shattner and document the lives of Boba fans trying to explain why they are so obsessed with a guy in a suit that died, and come up with excuses as to how Boba is still cool, even tho his daddy fucked up the Star Wars prequels.

Another spin off will also be made to shut fans boys up from begging for a Boba spin-off where Disney is just going to take old episodes of M.A.S.K and paste the face of Boba over Miles Mayhem's face and call it Bounty Blunders. Disney say that should shut those geeks up long enough so they can get underway with destroying Star Wars Episode 7: The Shittiest Star Wars Ever! But is expected to make millions through toy sales". Still fan boy's are not satisfied with the idea and are now partitioning to have Boba's face pasted over Krulos from Dino-Riders instead.

Darth fett

if you just became aroused by this picture, you are a fan boy, and need to get one of those green mushrooms from Super Mario!

edit Excuses, Excuses

Fan boys will not rest until their beloved Boba Fett is knighted, crowned king of the underworld, awarded a level 20 wizard in Dungeons and Dragons, and his face is printed on the cover of Wheaties boxes. They claim that Boba did not die in the pits, and in fact flew out after the wormy thing spat him out because he did not like the taste of all the bullshit fan boys have thrown at him. Boba escapes and hunts down Han Solo, and then has his head blown off by the Millennium Falcon. That's the true way Boba should have died, says Steven Spielberg. "Boba would never be swallowed up by anything, I would just blow his head to kingdom cum so no fan boys could tell me how to make the next movie."

Fan boy's of coarse hate this idea. They would prefer to see Boba rise from the dead 3 days after being eaten by a the deserts giant asshole, and come back and say "I have died for the sins of people having to witness Jar Jar Binks" only that would be stupid, as cloning is easy to do, so who would beleive such ass sucking mother fucking bullshit anyway says president of Disney Corp. Robert. A. Iger.

edit Why Are Fan-Boys So Obsessed with Boba Fett?

It's already been mentioned that Boba was just a cool costume fans wanted to see more of, so made up their own fiction, but there is one other reason. In Empire Strikes Back, Boba is helping the baddies out in order to take Han Solo. Boba not only can stand so close to Vader he can small a death-star-fart from Vaders rear ATM vents, but he also got to sit down and enjoy dinner with Vader and the rebels. This is why fan-boys like Fett so much, he is their hero, and who they wish to be. They aren't Luke, Layer or Han because they want to know those guys, not replace them, nor do they want to be a 7 foot walking carpet with fleas. Nor do they want to be Vader either. So the perfect fit is to be Boba... oh, and don't forget, Lando is a negro, and fan boys are racist fucks.

It all comes down to Fan Boys wishing to have a tea-party with most of the major players in Star Wars!

edit The Future of Boba

Il fullxfull.233546871

Possibly just a fan boys way of saying the porn they look for involves a 3 breasted Ewok and a light sabre sized dildo to really get in where the force has never been before!

Hopefully Boba will return in Star Wars Episode 7. Show a scene of him crawling out of the Tarlac pit, escape to hunt down Han, and have his face blown off by a large laser gun. All within the same 30 seconds of on screen time. How unfortunate for fan boys to get that boner that Boba is back, only to have reality handed back to them by seeing Boba die... again! The way it originally was, and always should be.

On the other hand, if fan boys do get their own way, you will end up seeing.

  • Boba Rise from the Dead.
  • Boba thermo detonates water in wine.
  • Boba become a Jedi master.
  • Boba tells a bunch of starving kids to turn around while he beams down a feast of corn flake battered fish, posing it as a miracle.
  • Boba disinter-greats the forbidden fruit.
  • Boba walks on lava. Then hides the fact that he has 3rd degree burns to his feet.
  • Boba resurrects all the younglings Aniken Skywalker killed in "Revenge of the Sith" changing history so that Aniken in not a child murdering son of a bitch that just get's forgiven by Luke as he's dying, just because he threw the Emperor down a large elevator shaft, saving Luke, because there was still SOME good in him. But Luke didn't know about the kids his pop killed... Thus making Boba the savior of the universe and restoring peace, proving it was HIM that was the one that brings balance to the force.
  • Boba is revealed to not be Boba Fett, the son of Jango Fett, he is actually Mr. Spock from Star Trek in a planned future franchise crossover.
  • Boba bobble-heads that say stupid things like, "WWBD?" and "Relax, keep calm, you're no good to me dead"
Personal tools