Bob the giraffe
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
| Opra sucks balls. Try hitting Jack Thompson in the nuts for your all-new penis enlargement today!|
“I'm lonely, spiritually speaking. You know? None of the world's religons seem to appeal to me. I'm looking to go in new directions in my life...I think the days of the old hardcore me are gone”
“The Ab-O-Matic will tone your abs to perfection in one week and get rid of those huffing calories!”
“Whyyyy mussttt weeee killl ouurrrr oowwwnnnn kinnnnndd????!”
edit Bob the GiraffeBob the Giraffe was born in Yorkshire, England on December the 20th, 1934. He lead a very difficult Childhood because his parents, named George and Belina Oganowski-coates, beat him as a very small Giraffe in the African savannah. At the age of 13, he ran away from his egnostical parenting and founded the Kitten Huffing Institution of the 20th century. This, in turn, brought him far and wide away from his home parenting and he landed in Australia in the mid- 1960s where he lived prosperously for close to 20 years. He seemed to have inherited some wanderlust, so he set sail on a galley bound for New Zealand where he became involved with the local Guerrilla warfare and Politics.
Bob the Giraffe was the heir to the throne of the Communist Republic of New Zealand because of his underlying frendship with Supreme Monkey King Jimbo the XIX. Freddy Mercury was commissioned as a position knighted by the Supreme Monkey King himself as "Evil Minion". What this means is that he was In charge of anything too trivial for the Giraffe or any other minion not special enough to take the job.
On Her majesty the queen's previous visit to New Zealand, she complemented on the Iron hand that George ruled with. All around with a population of about 52 people and 6000 sheep, only a few had actually managed to reproduce. She, in collaboration with George, created the role of Prime minister, which is just a fancy name for 'person who chucks crap at a fan' (refering to the expression "the s*** has really hit the fan", and Elected Helen Clarke. the following parties ensued:
The Communist Party
The Maori Get Everything Free Party
The Alliance of Confused and Lost Sheep
The Let's Party Party.
The Jesus Christ We Are High Let's Get Elected Party
The I Doubt We Will Every Have 1 MP Let Alone 99 MP Party
The Legalise Flax Smoking Party(Jah Flaxsta)
The Liberationz that get rid of the government party
The Lets Kick Out All The Asians Except the Ones Who Give Me Blowjobs Party
The not exactly Progressive cos there's only one MP in power party
The eventual cure for the ADH.. "hey, lets go to burger king!" party
The I'm Going To Kill Fall Out Boy And Panic At The Disco and then Go Party(Because Their Songs Have Names Like This)
Bob the Giraffe has been an active supporter of the Let's Party Party presumably because his voters (or minions, as more commonly referred to by him) love to friken party.
edit Personal Life
Bob was a very avid supporter of the Communist Party from day 1. Her majesty the queen arrived specifically on Dec. 14th, 1990. Since that time there is suspicion of chemistry happening between 'The ol Q 2 da Izzy 2', as she sometimes refers to herself. Personally, he enjoys Crapps and playing 10 pin bowling. As well as the occasional attempt at open heart surgery. No word as of yet weather or not he has attempted this on his partner. His close friend, Supreme Monkey King Jimbo the XIX, has lent support and funds to his abysmal hobbies and wishes him well over the coming months.
As of recently, his regime over the Kitten Huffing institute of Australasia has become stressed because of the democratic nations attempts at suing his a** off. His company ensures that the practice of kitten huffing is undertaken at the huffer's own risk and omits any responsibility for the following side effects: (as quoted from the Kitten Huffingwebsite)
"An overdose of Kittens (more than 3 large ones a day, or 2 orange ones) will result in headache, nausea, loss of sex drive, a sudden urge to try to fly, eyes poping out, Motherfuckin snakes on a motherfuckin plane, Potato salad, Willingness to hump chairs, increased masturbation, chronic farting, turning into a polar bear, launching bottle rockets out of your ass, loss of all facial features, a big man by the name of Rusty will put a coke bottle up your rear end, dogs will attempt to bite your naughty bits off, and PETA activists will be pissed at you. Any and all of these symptoms are not the fault of Kitten Huffing institute, and any attempts to sue because of them will be treated as a sock full of rubber gnus would be."
When asked Directly, he admits to bieng an avid huffer, but rarley suffers any side effects. "I guess it must just be my tough Giraffe lungs." (when asked by opra)
He is currently Enjoying Supreme dictatorship over Helen Clarke and is living in Sri lanka, flirting with fat chicks and drinking strong spicy beer with little mexican Midgets. he was quoted stating, in his latest interview, with a noticiable lisp, "spanish men are soo.. spicey..". Update: he has announced that he and Her majesty are to be Wed on the 30th of september in a little mexican village with little mexican men in 2020, if both arent too crusty for each other. Since the fall of Communism in the USSR, he has become less of a Commy' supporter and started taking roles in the new socialist government slowly taking over in the US of A. His new motto:
"Onomatopoieas are gay, Mice are round and squishy and I'm just plain Horney!" is usually heard when the Queen and Bob the giraffe are heard or seen around each other. she corresponds with her response, which is somthing along the lines of the following: "bite my ass, bitch! come here and give me some tongue!"