Bob the Generic n00b
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“He taught me everything I know.”
“How i do new skill?”
Bob the Generic n00b is just as the name describes: the generic n00b. He has made appearances in every game ever created, though his role is not immediately obvious in all of them. He has never been spotted and confirmed in RL, sparking controversy concerning Bob's identity: human or computer. He is on par with AAA in terms of gaming legend.
Bob the Generic n00b, as the name implies, exhibits typical n00bish qualities. Because he is by definition a n00b, he can never rise to the ranks of the elite- not even among his own kind. Everyone knows n00bs have no social structure. Also, because of his n00bdom, he has an infinite SUK stat in every game- even if the game doesn't require a SUK stat. For example, utilizing his SUKness, Bob once defeated his computer at Strip Solitaire, and was once defeated by it.
Bob is NOT a Paraguayan bamboo with a hurt bamboo.
Bob is a picky sonuvabitch, always demanding and never STFUing, as known in his native language, leetspeak. He is especially known for his overestimation of the value of common goods, and for an incredible desire to acquire said goods. He will even go so far, in fact, as to relentlessly pursue and dance for anyone whom he thinks has even one extra coin. Some swear that Bob can count the number of coins in your pocket from a hundred yards away. His keyboard, if he even uses one, seems to be missing a shift key and the letters A, B, E, I, O, S, and T.
Bob the Generic n00b has no relatives save for his distant cousin, Bob the Generic Fighter.
Bob is known for favoring the MMORPG RuneScape. Rumor has it that he takes the game so seriously he uses a professional financial advisor to determine what decisions he should make. One special aspect about Bob and RuneScape is that Bob is EVERYWHERE. No matter where you go, no matter what you do, Bob is with or near you. Heading out to the Wilderness to fight Greater Demons? No problem, Bob will come with, so he can get that shiny weapon you're looking for after you're done fighting for his life. It's okay, you can kill him and take his cabbage in return. Doing business at your favorite drop-trade spot? Let Bob watch, so he can learn the tricks of the trade! What's a dragon battle to a player like you, anyway? Trying to find Elconia Phyris the III for a quest? Ask Bob! He'll tell you everything you
don't need to know!
In January of 2005 Jagex honored Bob and his role in the RuneScape community by basing a random event after him. An NPC clad in naught but a loincloth and bronze medium helm appears and teleports you back to Noob Island. There you face the choice of repeating the tutorial or quitting the game and getting a life. Thus far every player that has gotten this random event is still on the island, trying to decide. One person chose to redo the tutorial, but after he finished, Bob appeared before him again. The player's current whereabouts are unknown.
|Nondescript Room||Score: 0||Moves: 1|
ZORK I: The Great Underground Empire
Copyright (c) 2005, 2006, 200X Unfocom, Inc. All wrongs reversed.
Revision 5154099 / Serial number 840726
You are in a nondescript room of nondescript size. Exits are to the north, south, and west. Oh, and there's a Grue over there in the corner.
You attempt to viciously pwn the Grue, but your Pwn4ge stat isn't high enough for this creature to be pwnt. Why don't you go train it up for awhile? Oh, but you can't, because YOU HAVE BEEN EATEN BY THE GRUE!!
Note: It's possible that Hard mode is modeled after Bob's experiences in Zork.
DM: After a half-day's travel through sunny countryside you arrive at a small, sparsely populated town at the foot of the hills. Each of you are fairly tired from all the hiking but you're not quite ready to rest yet; there's still light in the sky. The townspeople are out and about, doing their business, and you don't seem to be drawing any second glances. You can see a general store, tavern, inn, smithy, and several houses lining the one street; this is a pretty small town.
Party Member 1: I look around for the mayor's quarters.
Party Member 2: I head over to the inn to check out their rooms.
Bob: I go to the bar.
Party Member 1: Why the bar? What are you going to find there?
Bob: I walk up to a random person and kick them in the face.
DM: Bob, what-
Bob: I check their pockets.
Party Member 3: C'mon, Bob, shut up... DM's gotta do his job.
*moment of silence*
DM: Okay. As Bob approaches a stout-looking dwarf nursing a pint of ale-
Bob: I cast Burning Hands.
Party Member 1: Bob, you're a freaking fighter! You can't just-
DM: Good job, Bob. The whole party just got eaten by Grues.
In Star Wars RPG
DM: The battle continues to rage on with neither side giving much ground. You see a Victory-class Star Destroyer explode under the concentrated firepower of two Corellian Corvettes and a Mon Cal cruiser. Squadrons of TIEs are harassing your own fighters as well as your capital ships. Now two Imperial SD's enter the battle, headed straight for the heart of your formation. Your captains are signaling for orders.
Player 1: I order two of our Cruisers to face the newcomers and fire at will.
Player 2: I order four more squadrons of fighters to be launched.
Bob: I use the Force.
Player 4: My squadron of A-wings breaks off from its engagement with a group of TIE Interceptors and plots attack runs on one of the new Star Destroyers.
DM: Okay, one at a time. Two Mon Cal Cruisers rotate ninety degrees portside and open fire with all forward turbolaser batteries. Two squadrons of X-wings, a squadron of B-wings, and a squadron of Y-wings launch from Home One's hangar bay. And John's Rising Star A-wing squadron heads directly for the tractor beam emplacements on the underside of one of the Star Destroyers.
Bob: Hey, what about me? I said I use the Force! I push the ships away!
DM: Alright, fine. Aboard one of the Corvettes, Bob uses the Force.
*moment of silence*
Bob: Well? Did we win?
DM: Afraid not, Bob. Despite your valiant efforts to hurl the Imperial fleet out of the system, not one TIE fighter so much as budges. The ships are all a little too big for your fledgling Force powers, my young apprentice.
Bob: Okay, then, I fly into the heart and destroy the reactor core with a concussion missile. Causing a massive chain reaction that tears the ships apart into little tiny pieces. And THEN I use the Force.
DM: Before you can execute your no-doubt brilliant plan, your ship gets hit by an asteroid. You die.
Bob: Ah, ah, ah! I think not. Using the Force, I come back as a spirit.
DM: Maybe so, if the asteroid actually hadn't been a giant Grue. You can't come back, ever. And while we're at it, every ship in the system is destroyed. As is the system itself.
- See main article The Great Aspie War of Ought Six
A wild MAGIKARP appeared!!! Go! BOB!!! >Fight >Pwn BOB used Pwn!! It doesn't effect wild MAGIKARP... Wild MAGIKARP used Splash! It's super-effective! BOB fainted! You just got eaten by a Grue!
Soon after his existence was made public, a question sprang up among the gamers of Teh World: is Bob a human or a computer? Evidence has been found to support both sides of the argument. Those who believe Bob to be real insist that only a human could type as slowly and with as many spelling errors as Bob does- no computer is that creative. Some have also seen Bob sign out of online games and literally disappear for hours; they attest this to performing mandatory acts such as sleeping, peeing, and... well, you know.
On the other side of the argument, those attesting to Bob's existence only as a computer simulation claim that only a computer can play as many games at once as Bob does. (No matter what game you play, he's there in some form or another.) Also, they say, not even Hitler had as large an impact on the world as Bob has; they conclude that only a computer could spread its influence so quickly and efficiently. For a human to be capable of this, he would have to huff kittens, and if he were, his "influence" wouldn't make it past the front door. If it was lucky.
Dozens of other, less popular theories exist, ranging from almost believeable (Bob is actually a room full of monkeys with computers and infinite time) to the somewhat questionable (Bob is not a name, but an acronym for Boys Own Beasts, and is a worldwide association of twelve-year-old boys trying to be ub3r) to the rigoddamndiculous (Bob is female).
None of these people have quotes from Bob to back up their claims- he's usually too busy with the 1 gp respawn in the sewers to answer questions.