Bob the Builder

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Bob and acropolis

We would put something here about Bob building Rome in a day, however this is a Greek monument

“Yes We Can!”
~ Barrack Obama on stealing Bob the Builder's theme song to use as his slogan

Bob "the Builder" Jenkins aka Leon Kratolsvinski (born July 19th 1964-died September 24, 2007) is a world-renowned builder and children's television presenter. He is also related to Adolf Hitler. He was featured for three years in popular TV series "Bob the Builder" AKA Robert who happens to be a Builder, where he explored with his lovable talking machines, just what being a builder is all about. It was notable due to the large amount of dry humping.

edit Bobography

edit Bob Begins

Hitlerbarn

Although controversy abounded over the extent of Bob's relationship with Adolf Hitler, he maintained that all the two did inside that barn was milk their cows and listen to their cocks crow.

Bob builder

Bob later in life, shortly before entering politics.

Leon Robert Theo Kratolsvinski was born in 1964 in a small town with an unpronounceable name, which sounds a bit like a gurgling koala, somewhere in Poland. (If you want to discuss the nomenclature of this insignificant village with your family or friends, 2 weeks on Sunday would be the perfect time.) Almost from birth, he was referred to by his middle names and his position (i.e. Robert Theo Toddler, or Robert Theo Student. Eventually this was shortened to Bob The Tot and Bob The Kid). In his earlier years, he developed friendships with inanimate objects that he swore talked back to him. One of which was a bulldozer he affectionately named "Molly." He attended the local Roman Orthodox Church School, where he learned about Hitler, and excelled in the Woodwork class.

Bob and Molly both decided to take over the world, just like Hitler. Starting with Germany... after lunch... maybe. However, Bob had to finish his degree in building, if he was going to be a able to build an army, and he sadly failed at this. Bob later said that that was his darkest time, and he did some things he now regrets with Molly. After gaining courage, Bob retook his degree, and built the now-famous Acropolis. This time he passed, and was a qualified builder. It was now time to take over the world.

edit The Quest for World Domination

By 1984, Bob had built himself an army out of scrap metal and blue tack (through a method as seen on Blue Peter). He rode on Molly the bulldozer, forwards into Germany, his first target, however his army were confused by the thick accents and black forests, and were defeated. Bob, while he was in Communist East Germany, needed more money to repair his army, so he got a job as a labourer. He in fact used Molly to tear down the Berlin Wall. By the time Bob reached his 30th birthday, he was completely settled in Germany, all dreams of world domination forgotten. Then Germany got tough on immigrants, and he was deported. Molly, however, was allowed to stay, as they believed she was a German.

Sad and rejected, and worst of all, in Poland, Bob formulated a plan to get to Germany, steal Molly back, and then follow thousands of other builders to England. He smuggled himself into Germany with a very long tunnel, and came into Molly's new home. It was here that Bob's greatest blow was struck. Molly had been repainted, and was now called JCB. Molly said she liked her new life and didn't want to part with her JCB friends. As they said their last goodbyes, the German police came to take away the lunatic who was kissing the bulldozer.

edit Escaping The Mental Institute

During 1993, Bob was in a German mental institute, which is where his drug habits stemmed from. They used his constructional abilities to great use, as he built them a brand new gas chamber shower suite. However, the drugs were telling Bob to leave Germany and go to France. Using a friendly cell mate as a distraction (he raped a spoon), Bob escaped the mental institute, and caught a lift into France. That lift was with Lofty, who later starred in his show (before his suicide). In France, Bob rebuilt the Eifell Tower and the Louvre. Then, with his new friend Lofty, he set off underneath a container ship to sneak illegally into England and steal the English people's work...not that they're bitter.

edit Meeting Wendy J. Fucker

After setting up in a small English town, in Hampshire, Bob met a beautiful woman called Wendy, whilst repairing a roof tile. She was a cement mixer seller. They got on like a house on fire, and married in 1997. Later, their house did end up on fire, but that was after the divorce. Wendy learnt how to be a builder from Bob, and introduced Dizzy into the family. Bob later decided to get a whole group of machines, buying Rolly, Muck and Scoop as well. Wendy still didn't understand why he talked to them though.

Bobsexy

Bob wants to show you his wrench. Not that wrench, the other one!

edit Planning Permission Community Service

In 2000, Bob suffered what close friends call an "episode," in which he believed himself to be outside of the law, when he did not apply for planning permission for a conservatory on his house. The local authorities sentenced him to one hundred hours community service, which is just a little less than you get for running over children. Whilst completing his punishment he became obsessed with teaching the world how to build properly. He toured schools teaching children with incredibly complex Lego models, and crushed the children's models because they hadn't applied for bleeding permission!

edit The Show & Subsequent Death

When Leon Kratolsvinski was deported in 2002, he simply waited for the immigration laws with Poland joining the EU came into practice, and emigrated legally. England couldn't do anything, due to the Belgian laws, so sent him to live away from mainland England, on to the spin-off island, and former holiday destination Engrand. Bob and Wendy were there when they were approached by some television company offering them a children's show, after learning about their passion. The show lasted for three series, and ended dramatically with Bob the Builder's suicide. The show was a documentary, all real events from the life of Bob, except the producers would arrange special guests and neatly edit the boring bits out. One special guest, Adolf Hitler, ended up making Bob have an affair, and in the last two series the show focussed more on Bob's personal life than buildings. The show was the most popular show from 2004 - 2007, when it finished its run. The show finished with the third series due to Kratolsvinski's death. The documentary actually witnessed Bob the Builder's suicide, after Bob disarmed a bomb, but blew up a school, and so had to sell his machines to make up what he had been sued. See? It was all the terrorists.

Chinese Bob the builder

Bob's highly controversial video game, to accompany the show, was called "Bob Builds a WMD!"

edit Personal Life

In 1997, Bob married Wendy Fucker. The marriage lasted until 2005, when Wendy saw Bob getting anal from Adolf Hitlerbob and hitler are now in eachothers mouths with there llollipops and hitler says 'he iz ze bezt i haz ever had' whilst swollowing a bobfull of it so it is translated to the highest standard. She filed for divorce in 2007, having given it a few years to get it on with Spud the scarecrow. This all took place on air, in series two and three, leading to Bob eventually trying to shy away from the media attention, until his suicide. Which was filmed and broadcast as a double bill. While he was alive, Bob was a member of the Japanese mafia, as is his good chum, Postman Pat, and donated his garage for meetings, fund raisers and sleepovers. Bob actually raped Wendy once. No sorry, twice. But she liked it.

There have been many rumors about Bob's sexuality, and despite belief, he was not gay, nor had he had sex with Christina Aguilera. The rumor about him and Angelina Jolie was in fact true but Bob broke Angelina's heart when she asked to marry him. Angelina then ran away crying and got hooked on adopting underprivileged children and getting them magazine deals. Bob later revealed he was bisexual, after getting it on with a long-dead German dictator.
Bob the builder gone tribal

Bob went tribal for a brief period in Series 2, Episode 5, called "Bob and the Nudists".

edit Selected Episodes

Here is a list of Bob the Builder episodes. Notable character departures and absences are in italic.

SERIES ONE First aired every Monday from October 2004

  1. Bob's First Episode. It's his first episode. Duh. (First appearance of Bob, Wendy, Spud, Scoop, Dizzy, Muck, Lofty, Roley, Travis and Mr. Potts.)
  2. Muck Gets Fucked: Dizzy and Muck have some hot girl-on girl action. Later, Bob and Scoop masturbate to it.
  3. What's Wrong Dizzy?: Rolly and Scoop wonder why Dizzy's so stoned today.
  4. Bob and the Funeral: Mr. Potts is ran over by Rolly, explaining why Mrs. Potts is alone for the rest of the series. (Final appearance of Mr. Potts.)
  5. Roley and the Killing Spree: Rolly kills all of the little forest animals. And he just laughs...
  6. Brokeback Barn: Travis notices that Farmer Pickles and Spud have grown closer these days...
  7. Scoop's Signs: After Muck pisses off Scoop, who is learning sign language, he gives her a hand signal everybody knows.
  8. Lofty and the Happy Pills: In a fit of depression, Lofty overdoses on pills and is rushed to the auto repair shop. Oscar Wilde guest stars.
  9. Sing-Along Bird Part 1: Bob plays Guitar Hero, and now Bird wants to play... (First appearance of Bob's Rifle)
  10. Sing-Along Bird Part 2: Also known as "Bird Gets Pwned." Bob shoots and kills Bird, and Wendy cooks it . (Final appearance of Bird for the remainder of the season, until new Bird was found.)
  11. Shut the Fuck Up, Mr. Bently: Bob and Mr. Bently have a bar fight. Spud places bets.
  12. Muck's Moods: Muck suffers from violent mood swings, until a psychologist shows up.
  13. Bob Snaps at Dizzy: 'Nuff said. Dizzy announced she was Jewish. Bob forced her to renounce her faith. They reconcile later, and a bit more, if you know what I mean?
  14. Relationships: Scoop and Dizzy have sex, then begin a relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend) etc.
  15. Scoop Saves the Day: He really didn't but everybody was too busy to care. Series finale.


SERIES TWO First aired every Monday from March 2006

  1. Bob Meets Hitler: He meets Adolf Hitler and makes out. (First appearance of Adolf Hitler).
  2. Naughty Dizzy: Dizzy gets a subscription to a hentai magazine. She loves it (obviously).
  3. Bobscape Part 1: Lofty shows Bob Runescape and Bob liked it so he became addicted. But who is his arch-nemesis?
  4. Bobscape Part 2: It is revealed that Hitler is the other player. Bob makes virtual love to him.
  5. Bob and the Nudists: Bob renovates the cafe at a nudist beach, when all of a sudden he is hit over the head with a bat. Later, he wakes up, wearing nothing but a Nazi armband, and his money gone. Meanwhile, Travis crashes into a petrol station. (Final appearance of Travis and Petrol Station Attendant).
  6. Spud Sleeps Around: In the follow-up to "Brokeback Barn", Spud breaks his commitment to Farmer Pickles and reveals his bisexuality by making love to Wendy.
  7. Spud's False Hope: Spud thinks his beloved Liverpool might actually win the league, City win instead. Meanwhile, Rolly is hooked on cannabis.
  8. Bob and the Japanese Customer: 売春婦は友人無しに、あなたの母であるもの知っている。. A Japanese immigrant attempts to meet with Bob. Hilarity ensues.
  9. Bob's day at Oktoberfest: Bob vomits on Dizzy.
  10. Dizzy Gets Busy: Dizzy finds a new hobby of stalking toddlers from bushes. Wendy turns down Spud's offer of a threesome with Farmer Pickles.
  11. Paedo-Muck: Following on from Dizzy Gets Busy, Muck gets a job at a primary school and has fun in the toilets.
  12. Bob Disgruntled: Bob finds his page on Uncyclopedia, he finds that nothing makes sense anymore. Meanwhile, Lofty does graffiti in a bid for attention, and Hitler visits again.
  13. Keep it Real, Batty Boy: The gang get a surprise visit from Ali G. Wendy is suspicious of Bob and Hitler. (Special guest Ali G.) Lofty feels left out.
  14. Well Done, Muck: Muck learns how to ride a bike though he doesn't really need this skill since hes a truck. Lofty, still not featured, starts self-harming.
  15. Work, Goddamn You!: Wendy gets the Red Ring of Death on her X-Box 360, and stops working. Bob sees this as a time to meet with Hitler, but she sees them! Meanwhile Lofty is chased off a cliff by mice and dies. (Final appearance of Lofty)


SERIES THREE First aired every Monday from March 2007

  1. No we cunt: Bob contemplates on getting a sex change, but Hitler gets mad and threatens to commit suicide. At the same time it could save his marriage after Wendy reveals that she is bisexual. Bob doesn't do it.
  2. O is for Orgy: The gang decide to 'try something different'. They send a "Get Well Card" to Lofty, but he cannot be repaired. (Final appearance of Lofty.)
  3. Bob's Bad Back Bob is getting a bad back from sleeping on the couch. Wendy hasn't forgiven his anal with Hitler.
  4. Scoop At Sea: Scoop falls in love with a Seagull that plans to murder him, and suceeds. (Final appearance of Scoop.)
  5. Bob Buys New Friends: Bob buys a new Scoop, called Scoopy, and a new Lofty, called Lifty, to replace the hole that he is feeling. He sells them for gambling money near the end of the episode. (First and final appearance of Lifty and Scoopy).
  6. Bob vs. the Constructicons: Can Bob and the gang destroy Hook, Mixmaster, Scrapper, and the rest of the gang when they combine? (This is a rhetorical question.)
  7. Wendy And Bob And Adolf Too Part 1: Wendy and Hitler have a scrap in the yard, which Wendy wins. Things get bad for Wendy when Dizzy reveals her affair with Spud the Scarecrow. Bob and Wendy both want a divorce.
  8. Wendy And Bob And Adolf Too Part 2: Hitler mysteriously disappears in the morning. Wendy is seen burning gloves and a shovel, but Muck is sworn to silence... (Final appearance of Hitler).
  9. Busy Dizzy: Dizzy's love of music pisses off the crew, so Lofty Lifty distracts him by taking him on a hunting trip for spare parts. (Guest stars Wall-E.)
  10. Can We Fix It? Yes, With A Psychiatrist: Bob has an exciting adventure at the Psychiatrists.
  11. Can We Fix It? Yes, With A Divorce Lawyer: Bob and Wendy get a divorce. Wendy makes love to Spud. Bob the Builder responds by roasting Spud alive with a flamethrower. (Final appearance of Spud) (see Wendy Goes Dating).
  12. Playbob: Scoopy buys an issue of the bad Playboy magazine and Bob gets addicted to it. Bob spends all his money on the magazine, and so has to sell a machine. He chooses Muck. (Final appearance of Muck).
  13. Ban The Builder: Bob cant be bothered to build stuff anymore and the machines are worried, eventually they enter him in a Burp Contest. Dizzy and Lifty get it on.
  14. Build Me A House, Bob: Bob's house is destroyed by arsonists who kill Dizzy, so he builds himself a new one. Rolly also conquers his fear of boxes, after appearing on Deal or No Deal. Hee loses the game show and kills himself. Guest stars Noel Edmonds. (Final appearance of Dizzy and Rolly)
  15. Wendy's Return: After EXTENSIVE plastic surgery, Wendy gets sick hot. Bob falls to his knees and begs her to return to him. Wendy announces she is an Atheist, and is with someone else. Wendy also changes her name to Sarah J. Plumber (Special guest Christiano Ronaldo.) Furious, Bob gruesomely murders Wendy. (Final appearance of Wendy)
  16. Finale: In the series "finale", Bob has to rush to deactivate a bomb. Since he is a wuss, he chucks the bomb away with a catapult Sadly, it lands in a school, and Bob gets seriously sued, and has to sell his machines. Happily, he gets some money for them, but sadly he loses it down the drain. Without his machines to masturbate, and unable to buy more, Bob commits seppuku. (Final appearance of Leon "Bob the Builder" Kratolsvinski. Won 404 Emmy awards for Most Dramatic Ending.)

edit Critical Reception

The first series of Bob the Builder was well-received by critics and audiences alike, often being the second-highest watched programme of the week, with audiences of reaching up to 25. Critics such as Roger Ebert, of the New York Times noted that: "The well-designed storylines, with a beginning, middle, and end, and the easy and accessible characters, make for consistently excellent viewing. Sukhdev Sandhu, of the Daily Telegraph, analysed that: "The key to the success of Bob the Builder is its simple storylines, coupled with all the sexy machines." Jen Pokka, of The Sun, wrote: "I fucking love it!"

The second series was also well received, with even higher ratings. The addition of Hitler to the main cast was controversial, but it proved that the writer's gamble paid off, with the final episode of Series 2 being watched by 79 people worldwide. The critics also universally noted that the special guest appearance by Ali G was a high point. It was once suggested by Bob that a crossover show was considered, but this never amounted to anything, mainly because he died.

Series 3, however, was not so successful, as many of the original characters wanted to leave to pursue other projects. Whilst Lofty had "died" at the end of Series 2, during the final series Scoop, Hitler, Wendy and Muck all left the show, leading many critics to state that they hated the show, always hated the show, and demanded something better. The BBC provided them with Postman Pat.

edit Spin-Offs

Following the success of Bob the Builder, Wendy, Bob's late and ex-wife, was featured in a spin-off series, called Wendy Goes Dating. Set immediately after Wendy divorced Bob due to immoral conduct with spanners, it was a comedy drama, showing her trying to get to grips with being back on the dating scene. It was not well received, and even guest appearances from the likes of Dizzy, Bob (before his untimely death) and Sir Alan Sugar could not bring it back for a second series. The season finale, where Wendy decided she was a scarecrow-sexual, was one of the least watched programmes of the year. Since then, Wendy has appeared in many DIY programmes, and is currently presenting "Me and My Scarecrow" on channel 945.

Another spin-off was created, however, after the death of Kratolsvinski, entitled Bobak the Builder. It showed what happened to the machines immediately after the end of Series 3. Heavily scripted, it was not well received and ran for only 8 episodes:

  1. Introducing Bobak: The machines are all bought out by rich Arab investor, Dr. Bobak Al-Buildah. Scoopy, Dizzy, Muck and Lifty enjoy the life of monarchs living in a palace made entirely of platinum. (First appearance of Bobak).
  2. Stalking Camels: The team are entrigued by these strange animals. Muck crushes innocent baby camel. Scoopy builds shrine to the dead camel and blanks Muck.
  3. HITLER'S BACK!: After getting bored living in caves in Afganistan ever since the morning Wendy burnt his favourite gloves and shovel, he decides to move to Dubai, where he meets the team building a new skyscraper. Hitler then lays eyes on their sexy new boss. Noises are heard from nearby bushes. Hitler and Bobak are missing.
  4. Room for one more: Hitler and Bobak return. Bobak announces Hitler is to move into the palace. Lifty envies Hitler.
  5. Bobak and the English football team: Bobak announces he has taken over Preston North End and plans to take them to the Champion's League. All the team including Hitler subsequently painted white with black highlights.
  6. Blank: A whole, breathtaking half hour of staring at the remains of Leafy the palm tree leaf. (First appearance of Leafy the Leaf)
  7. Sultan Leafy: Sultan of Brunei dies. Leafy takes up role. Team devastated, especially Bobak.
  8. さあ、それを得なさい: The Japanese customer's son from series two comes back with the Yakuza to get revenge on Muck and Dizzy. (Final appearance of Muck and Dizzy).
  9. Preston's glee: Preston are promoted to the promoted to the Premier League. Bobak hailed as best chairman on earth.

edit Others from the series

As you may know bob the builder was just the first of many shows where the main characters name had the first letter of thier job title.

Fred the farmer

Lucas the lawyer

Cody the cop

Peter the prostitute

edit See Also


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