Bob Hoskins
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Bob Hoskins is a British actor well known for his performance in B-Movies, British telecom advertisments and pornographic material. He has become renowned for his 9.3 inch erect penis[1].
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[edit] Birth
Born in 1602 as Robert Algernon Hoskins, Hoskins first got a job at the age of 7 as a servant to Blackadder, who simply referred to him as "Bob", thus creating his stagename.
As time passed, Lord Blackadder taught the young Hoskins the ways of Stealing, Adultery and even Blackmail. Once Hoskins turned 16, Blackadder had sex with Hoskins in an effort to show Bob how to do it properly. With all of these talents, Hoskins had the perfect qualifications to become an actor.
[edit] Entering Show-Biz
After leaving the services of Blackadder, young Hoskins began working for propaganda roles and sometime pornography on behalf of the British Empire. Starting with minor roles such as the Stuntman to Daffy Duck, Hoskins soon worked his way up the ladder to become a star of C-Movies and later B-Movies. Unfortunately, he was not sly enough to become an A-Movie actor.
In C-Movies, Hoskins appeared largely as a hard-boiled character as either a police chief or a private detective. Such an act landed him the role of Pontius Pilate in the religious film, Who Framed Roger Rabbit. His success in this film saw him spotted by Steven Spielberg, who was still overcoming his depression after an attack by Shadow Lady. Spielberg felt moved by Hoskin's role, and allowed the aspiring actor to move into B-Movie status.
[edit] The Bomb
Not everything went to plan, however, when Hoskins appeared in a lead-role in the 1977 documentary-film, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, based on the events of the Great Tomato War. The directors deliberately attempted to combine Hoskin's arrogance, intelligence and sex-appeal into one character, which spoilt the film for most fans of seeing the seething character they'd become accustomed to.
After the release of the film, Hoskins distanced himself from the project and didn't even turn up to the Premiere, which many still believe to be a wise move.
[edit] The Face of British Telecom
In the early 1990s, Hoskins was hired by British Telecom to front some adverts encouraging Britons to use the phone more, thus increasing BT's revenue. This failsafe plan was somewhat subverted by Hoskins discovering the drug cannabis at the time and staggering around the sets of each advert grinning and playing with the phone dials before delivering his catchphrase "It's Good To Toke". Despite the shambolic nature of the adverts, they carried on for several years because BT is run by silly old men.
[edit] Death
Hoskins died when he attempted to see how long he could survive in a keg full of beer.
[edit] Trivia
Bob Hoskins is a surprisingly good actor. I liked him in Hook.
You didn't like Hook?! Dude, that movie was awesome. And Julia Roberts was hot as Tinkerbell.
I don't care if she's a bitch or not, she looked fucking hot. Her personality has nothing to do with her looks.
[edit] Selected Filmography
- Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (2008) - Lord Zedd
- The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy (1999) - Vogon Guard
- Super Mario Bros. (1993) - Mario
- Attack of the Killer Tomatoes: The Animated Documentary Series (1992) - Cabbage
- Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) - Pontius Pilate / Eddie Valiant
- Strange Invaders (1984) - Charles Bigelow
- Cross Country (1978) - Charlie
- Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1977) - Dr. Clayton Forrester
- Rumba De Castanettes (1976) - Ramon Man Lucas
- Doctor What (1972) - Doctor What
- Mary Pop-up (1969) - Bernard
- Miss Bianca (1962) - Snoops
- Carry On Nurse (1960) - Freddy Finger
- Phrankenstein (1958) - Jim
