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“Ahhh the true name of evil does manifest itself in the evil jay that is of the blue.”

~ Katie Holmes on Bluejays

“Bluejays isss meee bessst freeinnnds whhy you soo mean to themmm Katie?”

~ Winston Churchill with several whiskey bottles in him on Bluejays

“Fuckin' Beavers.”

~ A Bluejay on beavers

Bluejays are famous for the Jay/Rabid Beaver War in which they successfully wiped out all rabid beavers (think about it--have you seen one lately?). They then decided to give up their warlike ways and become moderately peaceful birds.

[edit] The war

The Bluejays became enraged at all rabid beavers when the Beavers wiped out the trees in which the Bluejays lived, by burning them down (rabid beavers are not that smart). The Jays then retaliated by pecking all the beavers to death. This was considered the Turning Point for the Bluejays. The Jays continued their offensive by eating the beavers' dead bodies and then burning their poop. At this point it was decided that they had won. All of them took a vow of non-violence. Don't ask us why, they just did.

[edit] End of vow of nonviolence

The Bluejays decided to engage in a vow of non-violence. That lasted for about three days. And the Bluejays began planning their next great attack, on the Humans! Have you ever been sitting in the hammock or on a park bench and suddenly you are surrounded by bluejays? Well that's why. They're planning a gigantic attack. It could come today, or tomorrow, or the next day--who knows?--but all we know is that we're all gonna die.

[edit] Strategies for defending against Bluejays

In this age of immanent Bluejay war it is vital to know how to defend against these creatures.

How many Shotguns do you have? It's not enough.
Two words: Molotov Cocktails
Do not try to put birdseed on the ground to lure them into a trap. The bastards figured that one out a long time ago.
You need windows, lots of windows, they fear them.
Think like a bluejay for at least two hours a day. We would recommend not doing this in a public place.
Do not make the fatal mistake of destroying all the trees around your house. This will only incur their wrath. Instead destroy most of the trees around your house every one with explosives. The Bluejays that flock to your house need a place to sleep and when they perch BOOOOMMMM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH (author's note: sorry, but we like to imagine bluejays being blown up).
If the bluejays make into your house then you deserve what is about to happen to you.
Revolvers are for pussies; AK-47s, now, those are real guns.
In an emergency throw your friends at the Bluejays and scream "He's got peanuts!" Then run.
Grenades are your friends.
Electrify the entire outside of your house then taunt the bluejays: this is fuckin' funny.
Remember, they shoot lasers out of their eyes, so you want lots and lots of mirrors.
Do not be afraid, they can smell fear.