Blue Ball Factory
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The Blue Ball Factory is a the global manufacturer of blue balls and other related products such as the Blue Ball Factory Ol' Fashioned Destruct-O-Cannon™ and the Blue Ball Factory Cube Corrector™. People have flocked from all over the globe for the wondrous blue ball.
Blue balls are more than just a response of male physiology to extreme cold. They are an inexpensive, high-quality implement with hundreds of uses. They are blue, and they are spherical.
Manufacturing blue balls is a painstaking process requiring thousands of steps including extruding, milling, measuring, random sampling, and controlling the shape, density, and color. There are meticulous specifications for all of these attributes, with tight tolerances. This ensures repeatability of results, blue ball after blue ball.
Blue balls are perfectly suited for eating, drinking, and bouncing. They are also ideal as an instrument of suicide by choking.
Blue balls appeal to the senses in the following ways:
- Smell - The balls have a rubbery scent, like burning tyres.
- Sight - Blue. So unbelievably blue.
- Touch - Apparently, quite springy.
- Side-Trumpets - The balls sound very yoinky, apparently.
- Taste - They taste like old blueberry muffins.
Blue balls are the perfect substitutes for BB pellets and lead shot, both of which are used for small-game hunting and target practice.
Blue Ball Factory, the video game
As a promotion, the Blue Ball Factory released a video simulation of its manufacturing floor, which played on the Game Boy. Unfortunately, this flopped, because it required the user to hit the D-pad about one million times per second.
AccidentsThere is only one known accident at the Blue Ball factory. This was the accidental death of Professor Lance Cacklefanny who was hit by a ball when inspecting their quality, resulting in a twenty story free-fall, being repeatedly stamped by a quality-testing machine, being hit in the "twin balls" (for a 400 point and star bonus!) and then being shot with a ball going at hypersonic speeds. On hs grave, he was given the epitaph:
"R.I.P Professor Lance Cacklefanny He loved his balls."
Needless to say, the event was not very good, and resulted in the factory being temporarily shut down in order to get his blood off the balls so they could be blue again, costing the company millions.