Bloodbath World Cup 2006

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2006 WBA Bloodbath World Cup
WBA Batteren Splatteren in die Deutschland 2006
BBWorldCup
Teams 18 17 18 (from 75 entrants)
Host Germany
Champions Vatican Flag 1 Vatican
Matches Played 32
Kills Scored 230 - infinity
Attendance 42,293,300
Total Deaths 38,539,631

The 2006 Bloodbath World Cup (officially titled 2006 WBA World Cup Germany, sometimes referred to as the Bloodbath World Cup or just the World Cup) finals took place in Germany between 9 June and 9 July 2006. Qualification for the tournament was completed in December 2005, with all 22 18 17 18 competing teams confirmed.

The tournament was a veritable gore-fest of battering, flattening and splattering, with the world's elite Bloodbath nations coming together to participate in the fourth Bloodbath World Cup.

edit Germany 2006

Unnews wcup stadiums

Rather interesting diagram detailing the locations of each of the twelve venues. Totally useless, though.

The 2006 event was hosted by Germany. In June 2000, they won the right to this, beating the bids of South Africa (who will be the hosts of the 2010 Bloodbath World Cup), England, United States, and Kerguelen.

edit Venues

A total of twelve German cities were selected to host the World Cup final tournament. The stadium capacities shown are all seated. Many of the stadiums have higher capacities for German domestic Bloodbath matches as there are no safety regulations regarding spectator capacities. What, you think German Police have a death wish or something?

Further Note: Capacities never remain the same throughout any single game, reducing by anything up to 80% as competitors take out their aggression on the assembled crowd.

City Original stadium WC 2006 stadium names (Rough German Translation) Host club(s) Capacity
Berlin Olympiastadion Das Arena of Death Berlin Blitz 105,176
Dortmund Signal Iduna Park Chainsaw Mania Dortmund Dogs 95,000
Frankfurt Commerzbank-Arena The Coke Stadium: Death by Commercialisation Frankfurt Flatteners 50,132
Gelsenkirchen Veltins-Arena Timetadie Schalke Splatterers 110,804
Hamburg AOL Arena AOL Must be Destroyed Chewona Hamburger 140,055
Hanover David Hasselhoff Arena Bashemup Stadium Hannover Hammers 130,652
Kaiserslautern Fritz Walter Stadion Smashalot Park The Kaisers 81,170
Cologne RheinEnergieStadion Killerstadion Automatica Eau de Cologne 76,120
Leipzig Zentralstadion Die Stadion Slaughteremall Leipzig Leatherers 94,199
Munich Allianz Arena Alliance with the Devil Arena München Schokoladen 96,000
Nuremberg e@syCredit-Stadion e@syKill-Stadion Nürnberg Killers 101,926
Stuttgart Gottlieb-Daimler-Stadion Fluffykittens Stuttgart Steelers 54,267

edit Teams

Starting with the 2006 Cup, WBA (World Bloodbath Association) changed the qualification rules so that the winner of the previous World Cup had to qualify for the Finals.Witch was Brazil who decided not to qualify.This was due to the champions of this long-standing tradition being horribly mauled immediately following the recent United States v Iraq match.

The following teams, shown by seeding, qualified for the Finals. The number in brackets is the country’s seeding for the tournament. Qualification was decided based on knockout stages: a large melee match in which all 75 of the world's professional Bloodbath-playing nations took part. The survivors progressed to the final stages in Germany.Mexico and Ireland, failed to qualify due to being one of the strongest teams in the world.And Brazil, who was #1, decided not to qualify.Though Jared Borgetti, Claudio Suarez, Oscar Wilde, and Ronaldo were stars.Mabye ronaldo killed himself with a Traffic cone.

edit Qualification

  • Guernsey, one of the world's least developed Bloodbath nations qualified by virtue of possessing a rather large Cake Cannon stolen from the United States's team chef during the qualification stages.
  • That The Vatican were regarded as the seventeenth WBA qualifier and thus placed in a separate pot in the draw was determined purely on positions in the WBA rankings in November 2005. That, and the fact that the WBA is funded almost entirely by the Vatican's pledges means that they get an automatic bye to the quarter finals.

edit North America

  • In one of the bloodiest games ever witnessed, the USA defeated Gold Cup 2005 Champions Guatemala in a 21-11 game that mostly involved chainsaws and Crisco.
  • Canada defeated Greenland 11-5 after only a two-hour match.
  • Mexico defeats Cuba, but due to the Mexicans smoking too much Marijuana before the cup, they were forced to withdraw.

edit Europe

The main surprises in the European qualification were the absences of

  • Bloodbath World Cup 2002 third-place finishers Turkey eliminated by Scotland after a momentous and particularly grotesque playoff involving Highland Games cabers;
  • 2004 European Champions Austria, eliminated by neighbors Germany;
  • Spain eliminated by Belgium.
  • Luxembourg, having ruthlessly eliminated many of their lesser rivals with their advanced technology, and thus qualified to do battle with the Vatican for the precious bye-slot in the quarter finals, decided to withdraw from the competition at the last minute for no apparent reason. However in actual fact the most likely reason for this is that 32 people, which accounted for 96% of Luxembourg's population, were eliminated in a friendly match with Norfolk Island. Luxembourg later re-entered the competition in the quarter finals, despite not having played the group stages. This was done in a daring move that may or may not have contained a large contribution of money to Sepp Batter.
  • Ireland eliminated by Wales.
  • One of France's Players headbutted one of Italy's players in battle.

edit Asia

  • Bloodbath World Cup 2002 quarter-finalists Pakistan were eliminated by Azerbaijan. Iraq were also eliminated in the cross-continental playoffs with Scotland and Aruba, but were later allowed back into the competition after suspicions of foul play from the Arubans.

edit Australia/Africa

In the Combined Australasia and Africa qualification:

  • Established sides South Africa and Cameroon, (eliminated by India) unexpectedly missed the trip to the finals. This was mainly because a major drought swept Africa at the time and teams felt there were more important things that needed to be done than playing Bloodbath. Namely, resorting to cannibalism and eating cacti in order to gain nutrients. Unfortunately, they forgot to watch Ray Mears' Extreme Survival prior to doing so, and met gory ends before the qualification period even started.
  • Nigeria missed the trip as the government's funding had been cut due to losses in Nigerian banks. You can help them! All they require is your pin number and sort code, and they will wire the monies direct, for a fee of $50!

edit Squads

National associations had until 15 May 2006 to confirm their squad of one hundred and twenty-three players. Of these, twenty players must be Civilian backs. In the event of injury, a player may be replaced up until twenty-four hours before the team's first game. In the event of death, however, no player may be replaced.

edit Groups

The top 4 seeded teams for the 2006 cup were announced on December 5, 2005. These comprised Pot A in the draw. The remaining teams were placed in pots according to their previous world cup performances and world rankings combined.

Pot A Pot B Pot C Pot D

Icons-flag-us United States
Germany Flag 1 Germany
Icons-flag-au Australia
Icons-flag-be Belgium

Icons-flag-ru Russia
Poland flag 1 Poland
England flag 1 England
Iraq flag 1 Iraq

Icons-flag-az Azerbaijan
France flag 1 France
Icons-flag-cn China
Wales Flag 1 Wales

England flag 1 Guernsey
Scotland Flag 1 Scotland
Icons-flag-ca Canada
India Flag 1 India

Special Pot

Vatican Flag 1 Vatican (bye)

On December 9, 2005 the draw was held and the group assignments and order of fixtures were determined. After the draw was completed, many bloodbath commentators remarked that Group B and, to a lesser extent, Group A appeared to be the "groups of death" in the Cup (as if deaths were limited to those groups...).

edit Group A

Team Pts Pld W D L KF KA KD
Icons-flag-us United States 632011710+7
Poland flag 1 Poland 431111413+1
Icons-flag-cn China 43111910-1
India Flag 1 India 331021219-7

All times local (UTC+2)

Friday 9 June 2006
United States Icons-flag-us 5-3 Poland flag 1 Poland Munich
Cheney (3), Bush (2) 5:23 Omsk, Tomsk, Crapov
The States came out on top in a particularly gruesome encounter in which eight kills were inflicted before referee Mustapha Bong halted the contest after five hours 23 minutes. He was subsequently blown up by Polish Keeper Caniavmeballbak.
Wednesday 14 June 2006
India India Flag 1 4-2 Icons-flag-cn China Gelsenkirchen
Gin Ganguly (3), Sanjeev Kumar 8:12 Eat yon Fat, Yoo Suk Poo
The Indians started the tournament with the first hat-trick of casualties by Ganguly. The Chinese were never really in the game after their key player Nee da Pee was elephant-gunned in the first five minutes, and could only manage two consolation kills in the last hour of play.
Wednesday 14 June 2006
United States Icons-flag-us 11-5 India Flag 1 India Dortmund
Fat Bloke (7), Al Avfries Widdat (2), H. Burger (2) 1:25 Jam Shed Poor (3), Curryswiller (2)
Playing their second game in a day, the Indians were visibly weakened and this was reflected in the result of this quick encounter. All eleven of the Indians were destroyed with considerable ease as the States used their secret weapon - the 35-stone guy that sits on everyone.
Thursday 15 June 2006
China Icons-flag-cn 5-5 Poland flag 1 Poland Hamburg
Tay Ka Pee (3), Shit Zoo (2) 3:18 Calldagameov (2), I.Smirnoff (2), Polio
Called to a stop well into the fourth hour of play after a freak thunderstorm meant fair play could not be totally ensured. Fittingly, scores were level at the time and a draw was declared.
Tuesday 20 June 2006
China Icons-flag-cn 2-1 Icons-flag-us United States Berlin
Fun Chan (2) 9:53 Mustang Fastback
In a marathon match, the competitors chose competitive eating as the sole permitted method of killing. The Chinese held out despite Chow Yon Fat's blood-poisoning related death in the final hour, making for a tough and nail biting finish.
Tuesday 20 June 2006
Poland Poland flag 1 6-3 India Flag 1 India Hanover
I. Smirnoff (3), Caniavmeballbak (2), Polio 3:18 Jam Shed Poor (2), Sanjeev Kumar
India crashed out of the World Cup after a heavy defeat at the hands of the Poles, who managed to get out of Group A with another ruthless vodka-induced killing spree by in-form hacker Smirnoff.

edit Group B

Mounties

The Canadian team line up for the national anthems before the game with France

Team Pts Pld W D L KF KA KD
Germany Flag 1 Germany 9*3102610-4
England flag 1 England 732101912+7
Icons-flag-ca Canada 4311189-1
France flag 1 France 23021810-2

* Germany began with six points because they are the current owners of the pointy stick with nails in it. Any complaints against this should be addressed to the German Nationalist Party.

All times local (UTC+2)

Saturday 9 June 2006
Germany Germany Flag 1 2-4 England flag 1 England Frankfurt
Haller, Weber 2:01 Hurst (3), Peters
The match was initially delayed two hours due to the match referee Gottfried Dienst being eaten by a dog named Pickles and Ukrainian part-time linesman was drafted in as a replacement at short notice. England managed to defeat their arch rivals thanks to a hat-trick from Hurst. After scoring to ensure the scores were 2-2 after normal time, he struck twice more to seal the three points.
Saturday 9 June 2006
France France flag 1 0-0 Icons-flag-ca Canada Dortmund
12:00
In a twelve hour deadlock, neither team managed to make a single kill. The media reported match fixing, with underhand dealings between the two occurring prior to the big match. This would explain the sharing of chocolates, cigars and frogs legs in an impromptu all-night poker game which broke out an hour into the match.
Thursday 15 June 2006
Germany Germany Flag 1 3-1 France flag 1 France Nürnberg
Schroder (2), Stoiber 4:35 Seurat
The Germans launched a full-scale war on the French in a battle reminiscent of those seen in the Second World War. In the end, it was a wonder that only three French men were killed with the Germans' home advantage showing throughout. A large Frankfurter to the groin was enough for two of the French, perishing at the hands of the powerful German left wing.
Thursday 15 June 2006
Canada Icons-flag-ca 3-8 England flag 1 England Berlin
Adams (2), Rusedski 12:00 Edmunds (8)
Noel Edmunds produced an explosive performance as his flatulence experience overpowered the Canadian defenses. Summoning outside aid in the form of an individual known only as 'the Vanker' on his mobile phone, he managed to make the opposition believe that the game involved some skill when in fact everything was based on luck. The Canadians were distrought when they opened a box labelled $250,000 only to be blown up by a nuclear missile in the 134th minute.
Tuesday 20 June 2006
Canada Icons-flag-ca 0-7 Germany Flag 1 Germany Cologne
Alf Hart (2), Al Kerholic (2), Le Saux 7:47 Schroder
The Canadian Mounted forces were too strong for the Germans, weakened by a mysterious fire which broke out in the team hotel, obliterating half their squad. Authorities confirmed the cause was not arson, but in fact a freak forest fire in the Black Forest where the Germans were residing. Apparently someone pressed The Red Button at an inappropriate time.
Tuesday 20 June 2006
England England flag 1 7-7 France flag 1 France Kaiserslautern
Crouch (3), Thatcher (2), Paul Scholes 4:07 Zidane (7)
The game ended in a stalemate as the referee died from natural causes: the first ever time this has happened in a Bloodbath match. England were furious as this occurred just seconds before they inflicted what would have been the decisive killing of Napoleon Bonaparte. In the end, the man died in vain. French footballer Zinedine Zidane made his Bloodbath debut after being roped into playing after a long night out with French manager Jaques Seurat. It proved an important selection: Zidane managed to bottle seven English Hooligans in ten minutes, earning his team a hard-fought draw.

edit Group C

Team Pts Pld W D L KF KA KD
Wales Flag 1 Wales 73210120+12
England flag 1 Guernsey 7321064+2
Icons-flag-ru Russia 3310267-1
Icons-flag-be Belgium 03003316-13

All times local (UTC+2)

Saturday 10 June 2006
Belgium Icons-flag-be 2-3 Icons-flag-ru Russia Hamburg
Peter Person (2) 3:13 Chopiseadov (2), Pessov
Electrocution was the order of the day, with the Russians providing a bunch of electric eels and Belgium bringing balloons and woolly jumpers to create static electricity. Every death occurred in the last fifteen minutes as rain fell down and doused everyone in water, making the normally harmless static electricity shocks fatal. That, and the fact the referee decided to chop off peoples' legs just to 'make things interesting'. He was later apprehended and sentenced to death by cattle prod up the backside.
Sunday 11 June 2006
Wales Wales Flag 1 0-0 England flag 1 Guernsey Leipzig
0:32
Both teams agreed to stop the game after 32 minutes because Wales captain Vinnie Jones got a papercut and stormed his team off the pitch. The referee, one Thomas Jones, controversially awarded the draw before he was severely mauled by a bunch of scousers from Prestatyn for no other reason than they liked his watch and wanted it. Guernsey were relieved, however, to finish the game with all eleven men intact, as their squad of fourteen constitutes the whole male population of the island.
Friday 16 June 2006
Belgium Icons-flag-be 0-11 Wales Flag 1 Wales Gelsenkirchen
Own Death (11) 1:04
In a total whitewash, Belgium were humiliated by the lowly Welsh when all eleven of their team were destroyed when what seemed like an asteroid landed on their half of the pitch, giving the Welsh a highly unexpected victory. It was later confirmed that this was in actual fact Rik Waller, who had eaten one too many Frankfurters and found himself propelled onto the pitch after experiencing a small amount of flatulence. Whether Welsh manager Charlotte Church paid good money for this to occur is still unanswered.
Friday 16 June 2006
Guernsey England flag 1 4-3 Icons-flag-ru Russia Stuttgart
Demetrieux (2), Smith, Redknapp 1:47 Chopiseadov (2), Smelly
Guernsey produced the shock result of the tournament so far, sinking former European Champions Russia before two hours were up. Utilising a truck load of bananas, Guernsey, who prepared for the tournament by reading Banana Skin Joke by H. Fundlebuggy, accomplished the almost unaccomplishable by placing banana peels strategically around the arena to weaken the opposition before finishing them with their Cake Cannon.
Wednesday 21 June 2006
Guernsey England flag 1 2-1 Icons-flag-be Belgium Frankfurt
Le Saux (2) 4:18 Poirot
Guernsey continued their good form, taking out the Belgians with an AK47 and hardened Black Forest gateaux. Apparently they were baked by Gordon Ramsay (never a fan of the Belgians) and laced with arsenic. Belgium's only hope came from Poirot, using his detective skills to partially save the day for the sprout-eating nation. Anyhow, Guernsey qualified for the quarter-finals.
Wednesday 21 June 2006
Russia Icons-flag-ru 0-1 Wales Flag 1 Wales Munich
0.56 K. Jones
The Welsh grabbed a victory in their final group game despite captain Vinnie Jones being absent due to an injury suffered in a previous match. In a game shortened due to a pitch invasion by hungry seagulls, K. Jones managed to score a kill in the twelfth minute by breaking wind in one of the Belgians faces. Normally this would not be fatal, but Jones had Weetabix for breakfast and beans for lunch, laced with liquor, making a particularly lethal gaseous cocktail.*

*Sorry about the fart joke, but I'm only documenting what actually happened, OK?

edit Group D

Team Pts Pld W D L KF KA KD
Scotland Flag 1 Scotland 732101410+4
Icons-flag-au Australia 531201912+7
Icons-flag-az Azerbaijan 2302147-3
Iraq flag 1 Iraq 13012614-8

All times local (UTC+2)

Sunday 11 June 2006
Australia Icons-flag-au 10-3 Iraq flag 1 Iraq Nürnberg
9 Own Deaths, Irwin 1:29 2 Own Deaths, Sadarm
In another short-lived affair, Australia emerged victorious as a suicide bomber ran onto the pitch, killing nine Iraqis and two Australians. This would normally be frowned upon, but one has to remember this is the Bloodbath World Cup, where even stranger things have happened. The guy would have been a martyr in his own country if he had remembered which half of the pitch to run onto.
Sunday 11 June 2006
Azerbaijan Icons-flag-az 1-4 Scotland Flag 1 Scotland Cologne
Bismillah 3:51 Connolly (2), Gordon Ramsay (2)
In what was initially a tight encounter, Scotland won out by virtue of three kills in the last five minutes. The Scottish squad consisted mostly of chefs and chip shop owners, who whipped up a concoction of delightful 'treats' for the Azeris, with Sausage Butty Batter Nuggets and deep fried Mars Bars on the menu. Needless to say, the high cholesterol count of the meals followed by vigorous running was a lethal combination, causing the Azerbaijan players to explode. On the good side, however, Gillian McKeith was killed, to which everyone rejoiced, celebrating with a glass of champagne.
Friday 16 June 2006
Australia Icons-flag-au 2-2 Icons-flag-az Azerbaijan Hanover
Warne (2) 5:23 Angermader (2)
Shane Warne managed to eat two Azeris during the half-time break by accident, mistaking them for a double cheeseburger with fries. Admittedly, though, he was under the influence of some green ketchup at the time. Two Aussies were accounted for by Angermader, who used his 'secret weapon' (a large stick with a nail in it, stolen from some local German hooligans youths). He was subsequently sought out and murdered by the youths in question.
Saturday 17 June 2006
Scotland Scotland Flag 1 3-2 Iraq flag 1 Iraq Frankfurt
Loch Ness Monster (2), Connolly 2:45 Sadarm, Own death
For the most part, a very dull match. One Iraqi was actually bored to death by Billy Connolly's somewhat dated humour and poor banjo playing. Things picked up in the final quarter of the match, however, when the Loch Ness Monster showed up and consumed two Iraq players and accidentally sat on some random Scottish guy. Sadarm utilised his weapon of mass destruction (a cake with a water bomb in it) to overcome a second Scot, but it was not enough for Iraq, who crashed out of the World Cup.
Wednesday 21 June 2006
Scotland Scotland Flag 1 7-7 Icons-flag-au Australia Gelsenkirchen
B. Asterd (3), Connolly (2), John O. Groats (2) 2:18 Harris (6), Irwin
The weapon of choice in this game was the Universal Remote Control in honour of its creator, Rolf Harris, who participated in this match. Indeed, he inflicted six kills, four URCE3000 related and the rest with the aid of his particularly vicious pet monster. However, he and his pet were exterminated when Billy Connolly pinched the remote when Harris dropped it down the back of John Foreman's sofa (which, incidentally, he takes everywhere with him in case of the need for emergency chat shows). In the end a draw was probably a fair result, and the match was called to a halt in the third hour of play for fear of mass murder caused by the remote.
Wednesday 21 June 2006
Iraq Iraq flag 1 1-1 Icons-flag-az Azerbaijan Leipzig
F. Artbagg 0:21 Some Random Person
The match lasted only 21 minutes, when the two nations realized they had absolutely no chance to qualify and had much better things to do with their time. Instead, they all went for a butty at the local frankfurter restaurant.
BloodbathCupTurkeyandScotland

Scottish and Azeri leaders line up for the national anthem. Azerbaijan's leader would seconds later be killed after an impromptu caber tossing warm-up session went awry.

edit Tiebreaking criteria

Where teams were even on points at the end of group play, the tied teams were to be ranked as follows:

  1. Kill difference in all group matches
  2. Greatest number of survivors in all group matches
  3. Greater number of civilian fatalities obtained in matches between the tied teams
  4. Kill difference in matches between the tied teams
  5. Greater number of kills scored in matches between the tied teams
  6. Handgun Showdown (Very last resort: could result in the extermination of all involved in the tournament)

edit Best Qualifier criteria

  1. Bloody battle to the death with McDonald's hamburgers and water pistols
  2. Competition to see who can do the loudest armpit fart
  3. Bar brawl (England only)
  4. Paper cut contest

edit Knockout stages

edit Quarter-finals

All times local (UTC +2)

Friday 30 June 2006
Poland Poland flag 1 3-4 England flag 1 England Berlin
I. Smirnoff (3) 2:34 Crouch (2), Blair, Jones
Old foes England and Poland faced each other for the third tournament in a row, and England won for the third time in a row. In a heavily political encounter, Peter Crouch managed to inflict two kills, albeit accidentally, as he inadvertently trod on them, claiming he 'never even saw them'.
Friday 30 June 2006
United States Icons-flag-us 6-10 Germany Flag 1 Germany Hamburg
G.I. Joe (5), Bush 6:00 Schröder (3), Hans (2), Fritz (2), Heinz (2), Merkel
Heavy favorites United States took on Germany in a match of historical weight. Despite claims by the Germans that they represented 'the new Germany', pre-match analysis focused heavily on previous encounters between the two teams. Germany pulled an upset win, however, as the United States team had a hard time in the opening phases of the game due to domestic political disagreances.


Saturday 1 July 2006
Vatican Vatican Flag 1 3-2 Scotland Flag 1/Wales Flag 1 Scotland/Wales Gelsenkirchen
John, Paul, Benedict 9:54 The Scottish Ranger (2)
Scotland drew the Vatican in the quarter final, causing half of the Scottish players to refuse to participate (such as Mel Gibson, an Australian who mysteriously had become on of the greatest players of the Scottish team), and the other half even more lusting for blood. However, due to rules and regulations, Scotland needed a full set of players, and as such they did am unprescedented thing as they joined their team with the Welsh team. The Vatican vs. Scotland/Wales became one of the best games of the tournament, and it took nearly 10 hours of intensity before the game was decided after a slip-up by a Welsh player who mistook a Vatican altar boy for a sheep.
Saturday 1 July 2006
Guernsey England flag 1 4-5 Icons-flag-lu Luxembourg Frankfurt
Some Guy (4) 8:32 Gerhard Muller (2), Hans Moleman (2), Franz Ferdinand
Because of Scotland and Wales's unexpected teaming up, from out of nowhere Luxembourg turned up and decided it was time to kick some ass. Australia withdrew from the competition. Recruiting some random German blokes from the streets of Frankfurt, the makeshift Luxembourg team managed to outgun the competition's surprise packages. Naturally, there was much controversy over their participation, but Guernsey were, by this time, too drunk to notice.

edit Semi-finals

All times local (UTC +2)

Tuesday 4 July 2006

Tuesday 4 July 2006
England England flag 1 11-1 Germany Flag 1 Germany Dortmund
The Russian Ref (8), Maggie Thatcher (3) 1:15 Sausage-man
The Germans and English were set to play each other for the second time of the tournament. The Germans, claiming England's previous 4-2 victory was based on the dubious descicions of 'the Russian Ref', pulled an Italian job and picked their own men in black to watch over the match. The English responded in a shocking move by fielding the Russian Ref. This way, Germany was caught on two fronts by the Russian and the English, and was forced to an early surrender. Later, when German chancellor Merkel was asked what she thought about the English beating the Germans twice in their national sport in such short time, she replied that it didn't matter, as they had beat the English twice in their national sport over the last century. This comment was regarded as controversial, non-PC, and non-sensical.


Wednesday 5 July 2006

Wednesday 5 July 2006
Vatican Vatican Flag 1 0-0 (20-0 pen) Icons-flag-lu Luxembourg Munich
10:00
The match between Vatican and Luxembourg ended in a 0-0 draw, which meant that for only the second time in World Cup history, a match would be decided on a penalty shootout. A penalty shootout is when all players are lined up and shot at with randomly loaded muskets. Not a single Vatican player went down, pope Samuel L. Jackson claimed it was 'divine intervention'.

edit Third place

All times local (UTC +2)

Saturday 8 July 2006

Saturday 8 July 2006
Germany Germany Flag 1 7-5 Icons-flag-lu Luxembourg Munich
Gerhard Muller (3), Franz Ferdinand (2), Hans Moleman (2) 4:12 Franz Ferdinand (3), Gerhard Muller, Hans Moleman
Luxembourg, applying the same tactics as they had in their previous two matches, opened brilliantly, and it looked as if the Germans would be destroyed and embarrassed on their own home turf. Untill the Luxembourgian players, of which most were random German dudes picked up from the streets, realized they were actually playing Germany, and swiftly switched sides. With the added strength of the Germans from Luxembourg's side, Germany turned everything around and won the bronze final.

edit Final

Sunday 9 July 2006
England England flag 1 6-Infinity
Vatican Flag 1 Vatican Berlin
Edmunds (3) Crouch (3) 4:05 God (infinity)
In an unprecedented incident four hours and five minutes into the match, God, displeased at England's domination over the Vatican Bishops, called a halt to the match awarding Vatican the World Cup, despite them fielding a depleted squad of six players and The Pope's cat. A rather extraordinary end to an equally fascinating tournament which no-one can be disappointed with, especially as a selection of England players who chose to question God's ruling were never heard of again, not even in their local pubs. It is thought they were banished to the depths of Hell, though Geoff Hurst was recently found by a dog named Pickles behind a garden hedge in Norwood, South London. He said that his fellows were probably enslaved by god.

edit Bastards in Black

Name Country Cause of Death
Mustapha Bong Egypt Blown up with C4
Isdis Dawaeto Amarillo Paraguay
Culero Tortillas Mexico Natural Causes (Old Age)
Yoda Layhoo Switzerland
Coffi Noshugger India
Gargle De Beer Belgium
Fray 'Bentos' De Knotte Argentina Unknown (mysterious circumstances)
Banzai Bill Japan Ritual seppuku due to shameful own kill
Gimiya Braek Singapore
Hertz Van Hire Holland Cattle prod to nether regions (ooh nasty tasty)
Jock Strap Scotland
Graham 'Blindman' Poll England Yellow card overdose
Eric K F C Poulet France
Gottfried Dienst Germany Eaten by Dog
Basil 'Pesto' Vespa Italy
Maddog 'Crackheed' Mendoza Columbia
Ab O'Riginal Australia
Thomas Jones New Zealand Mauled

edit Miscellaneous

  • 2006 had the most first-time nations since the first one, with seven playing in their first World Cup.
  • The vocal group, ITSLYM released the official song "Who gives a flying duck?".
  • The mascots for the competition were the Edwards Pie Man, Frank, the six foot sausage and Pille, a talking stick with a nail in it. And no pants.
  • The official logo design, The pride of Germany, incorporates the Bloodbath world cup and the national Bloodbath symbol of Germany: the baseball bat with nails in.

edit Crime and the World Cup

Some international human rights groups (like the Parliamentary Assembly of the Council of Europe (PACE), the Nordic Council and Amnesty International expressed concern that there will be an increase in the trafficking of women up to and during the World Cup in Germany. According to PACE and Amnesty, 30,000 women and girls could have been the object of trafficking for the purposes of forced prostitution during the World Cup. They called upon the German authorities to monitor sex venues during the World Cup and provide support for the victims of trafficking.

It was also claimed that "foreign-looking" people should not visit some areas in former East Germany, after one newspaper reported that some neo-Nazi skinheads are planning violence against foreigners. Germany contains a small minority of neo-Nazis who have engaged in violent attacks against the country's immigrants in the last few years.

edit Broadcasting rights

  • Australia: Sky Sports, Sever Queensland (QLD), KILL Television (NT)
  • Canada: The Family Channel
  • United Kingdom: The UK Hitler Channel, The Adult Channel
  • United States: Cartoon Network, Spike TV, ESPN, FSN
  • South America: Latin TV, Kids Network
  • Mexico: Galavison, Latin TV Mexico,

edit Video game

2006 WBA World Cup is the official Video Game for the World Cup. As with the previous World Cup game, 2002 WBA World Cup, was published by Unsemble Studios.it was Developed by EA Sports and Bungie.

edit Unofficial games

FIFA: Road To The Bloodbath World Cup 2006 was also released in 2005 during the follow up to the tournament. It was developed by EA Shorts and published by Those Idoits From Japan.

edit See Also

Bouncywikilogo7
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Bloodbath World Cup 2006.
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